Cat O'Falk

The top 10 jokes at this year's Edinburgh Fringe: Olaf Falafel I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have Florets. Richard Stott Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy." Milton Jones What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh. Jake Lambert A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. That's 20 cows'. Ross Smith A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it. Ross Smith Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning. Adele Cliff I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it. Richard Pulsford After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging. Mark Simmons To be or not to be a horse rider, that is equestrian. Ivo Graham I've got an Eton-themed Advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts.

FYI, that video was uploaded to youtube three years ago. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JWKXI8nEOQ Which is when I posted it.

Hmm, weird. How about this one?

She seems to be losing her hair and was decidedly looking peaky on the BBC lunchtime news.

Question: What happens when one inputs the wrong aircraft weight? Answer: The aircraft sits up and begs to be allowed to get airborne before the runway ends. This happened earlier this week in Moscow. A runway inspection found that five lighting units were destroyed during the takeoff, with broken glass scattered all around. After arriving in Simferopol, the Boeing 737 was submitted to an inspection that showed three tyres had been damaged and the landing gear had glass embedded. https://samchui.com/2019/08/08/s7-boeing-737-almost-ran-out-of-runway-during-takeoff-at-moscow-airport/#.XU7xNONKjIU

Here's the uncensored version:

Plus of course you're the oldest greatest raver in town.

Wales? My money's on Ibiza. There was a flight from Norwich Airport this morning.

Frogs. I don't have a pond, my neighbours don't have a pond and yet we have frogs. The back door is usually wide open during the summer months and many times I've caught them in the kitchen. When I water the flower beds they are in there and start croaking. One summer afternoon I was planting in the back garden and it started raining. An old tea-tray I used to carry the potted plants on was left out overnight. It filled up with rainwater and the following morning it was full of frogspawn. I put it in a bucket and emptied it in a brook about 500 metres away. Where the bloody hell do they come from?

I think this one has slipped under our radar. BBC newsreader Jane Hill confirms she's had a mastectomy and reveals news about her secret cancer battle. The broadcaster, 50, revealed she had her breast removed in November 2018 when she was first diagnosed and has decided against reconstruction surgery The journalist was dealt a double blow when her long-term partner Sarah Shepherd's mother was also diagnosed with cancer in the same month Jane revealed on Twitter in May that she had secretly been battling breast cancer, explaining her absence from TV screens over the six months prior The newscaster didn't have a history of breast cancer in her family and has credited her healthy lifestyle for her recovery https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-7331687/Newsreader-Jane-Hill-admits-kept-breast-cancer-battle-secret-case-hiccup.html

After being convicted, serving a gaol sentence and losing her commons seat, she's now been struck off as a solicitor. Serves her bloody right. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7326941/Disgraced-former-Labour-MP-Fiona-Onasanya-struck-solicitor.html

He's in court again, this time for having a mobile phone hidden up his arsehole. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7322729/Lostprophets-singer-Ian-Watkins-hid-mobile-phone-bottom.html

Yet not an iceberg in sight.

Who?

'Multiple people killed' after 'gunman armed with an assault rifle' opens fire at a Walmart in El Paso, Texas, sending panicked shoppers fleeing before SWAT respond and take a 21-year-old suspect into custody America needs more gun ownership and Walmart need to sell more bullets to stop this sort of thing happening.

All 17 of her children predeceased her. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anne,_Queen_of_Great_Britain#Pregnancies

Rad Force One (SP-LSA) is airborne; outbound from Warsaw, Frederic Chopin and inbound to Chicago, O'Hare: https://www.flightradar24.com/LOT1/218548fd EDIT: Landed 1950 hrs GMT

It needs to go in the extra-curricular American Football (And Other Yank 'sports') thread.

That was a repeat having been first broadcast in August 2017 and most probably recorded in early 2017.

@Paul Bearer, will you put 'winningest' in the profanity filter to be replaced by 'halibut'?

Rad Force One (SP-LSC) is airborne; outbound from Chicago, O'Hare and inbound to Warsaw, Frederic Chopin: https://www.flightradar24.com/LOT2/214653ff Hey Rad, don't forget on your 18th birthday you can walk into a bar in Poland with your passport in one hand, cash in the other hand and BUY ALCOHOL. You don't have to wait for three more years to pass by.

Trump has declared a state of emergency in Louisiana as Barry nears landfall. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-48964553