Rude Kid

Of course there are paedophiles in all walks of life, but the Catholic church is the only employer that not only turns a blind eye to child sex abuse, but actually has a fund (known as the Stewardship Trust) dedicated to paying off the victims in the hope that they'll keep quiet about it. As for the spread of AIDS in Africa (and indeed elsewhere), it's absurd to try and stop it by telling people to only have sex within monogamous relationships; you're asking millions of people to completely change their lifestyles, and it just ain't gonna happen. Persuading them to use condoms is a sensible and effective compromise which can and does save lives. But no, the Catholic church won't allow it: they'd rather condemn millions of people to a slow, agonising death than drop their absurdly outdated and inflexible views about wearing a little rubber bag on one's knob. How very caring and Christian of them. And these, my somewhat young and naive friend, are among the reasons why I - a born, bred and confirmed Catholic - turned my back on the RC church in disgust years ago. That and those bloody annoying Communion wafers that stick to the roof of your mouth.

...and as soon as they stop telling people in AIDS-ridden countries not to use condoms and quietly paying off the victims of paedophile priests.

Good call, and... ...good description This is one of my favourite Chick tracts: Party Girl Moral of the story: if you have the audacity to go to a party, not only will Satan try to poison you, but worse still, your granny might turn up, talking bollocks.

1.21 metres, by hitting him at an angle of 89 degrees

I see they've issued a new £2 coin in honour of the happy couple...

it up and start again?

Nope - Harold Shipman was a golden opportunity missed last year!

Sandra's started Dee-composing EDIT: Oops, just noticed IYG beat me to it.

Eliza Gladys Milvina Dean is indeed still with us. Born 2/2/1912, hence was 10 weeks old when the Titanic sank on 15/4/1912 (not 1908!).

Does he? Meets him regularly and goes "Hey Yoda, Guest says hi"? Cool!

*cough* pyramid scam *cough* If you're interested, I've got the email addresses of several Nigerian gentlemen who all happen to have millions of dollars lying around and will send the lot to you if you'll just bung them a few hundred up front for legal fees...

Indeed. Where was the Prime Minister of Luxembourg when we needed him? "I can confirm that Mr Hariri is dea...oh bugger, someone's beaten me to it".

BBC article about the Derby Dead Pool Check out the comments at the bottom from enraged readers...

Don't bank on it - she still needs a UK obit, and I'm thinking she might be a bit obscure...

Some hilarious stuff there - even better than we'd hoped for! And they promoted us to the lead story on the BBC Derby homepage at lunchtime, knocking local heroine Ellen MacArthur off the top spot. Boat schmoat. EDIT: I see we've now been replaced by a story about a sodding buffalo...what goes around comes around!

I do, in fact - my gran's in the advanced stages of it at the moment and isn't expected to live too much longer. It's very hard on the family, but guess what? We manage to retain a sense of humour about the whole thing - it's the best way of dealing with it. Oh, and... Which do you reckon is sadder - having a bit of a laugh at black humour, or sitting alone at your computer, fuming and swearing and making childish threats against people you'll never meet? Threats that you know perfectly well you wouldn't carry out even if you did. Now lighten up and grow up.

So are we! One of the competitors is working on it at the moment - shouldn't be too much longer.

LOL, I hadn't read that bit! Statto is an anonymous contributor who sends us these end-of-year summaries, and we just publish them unedited. His views are his own, they don't necessarily represent those of the DDP organisers, allow 28 days for delivery, may contain nuts.

So is the BBC News site - no more details yet though. EDIT: They've put a brief article there now: Theerrrrre goes Johnny!

Random fact about Stuart Hall: he once fell asleep whilst sunbathing in the nude and suffered quite bad burns to his todger. My dad was working for the local rag at the time and one of his colleagues covered the story, but the editor wouldn't print it. Shame really - as he said, they could've used the headline "It's a Cockout".

Not to mention the infamous Emlyn Hughes thread. I swear some people get a weird emotional kick out of publicly lamenting the death of a celeb they'd never even met. I blame Princess Diana - she started it!

Uh-oh, I can see this turning into another 'Rosemary Kennedy Book of Condolence'-type thread...

Ah, the dying art of apostrophe usage. Sharon's death is of course correct. Anyway, can someone please answer the original poster's question? I'm sure the Osbournes have nothing better to do than watch Steph and her mate sing karaoke, and sending your home videos to the Prince of Darkness is clearly the best way of achieving fame and fortune. Good luck, ladies!

It would appear there's only one computer in the whole of China, and that all those billion or so Chinese folk have to share it with a Canadian sports enthusiast. You're never alone with schizophrenia...

Interesting - who else has died at 76? And please tell me that Doctor Who fans haven't invented an adjective to describe themselves...!