Dr Hackenslash

Okay, £15,000 might be an exaggeration. And the only jeans she really liked were the salty genes blokes used to spray over her face all the time...

To take this full circle... All I was trying to say is that a lot of celebs who died in the early 1980s probably died of AIDS but didn't know it, or didn't want us to know it. Such as Old Man Steptoe, for example. And, dare I say it, possibly some of the cast of Dad's Army.

Although I only said most of my comments for the shock value, I will add a few things... Diana Spencer was an aristo herself, and the Spencer line is closely-related to the Marlborough line, etc. When she was famously pictured when she was "dating" Prince Charles do you honestly think it was a coincidence she was wearing a see-through skirt. When she was pregnant with Harry, she tried to seek attention by throwing herself down a flight of stairs - technically an act of treason. When she went on landmine work, why did she wear £15,000 jeans etc. She was only with Dodi Fayed to get back at heart surgeon Khan, who she was trying to make jealous. James Hewitt (no more needs saying) Basically, she was a publicity-seeking whore who knew exactly how to play the press (trust me) and sadly the "working-class" (who rarely work, it seems) fell for it. The list could go on and on but, all I will say, is that she's in the best place for everyone. Why did the Princess cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seat belt. *** Oh, and the Royal Family actually pay more in tax than they receive off the civil list. The reason the civil list still exists is due to a complex constitutional issue dating back 60-odd years.

True, true. And was it Edward II who was killed by having a tree trunk shoved up his arse and then a red-hot poker inside that. Not that that's funny - more of a normal Friday night. Elvis died on the toilet, of course. But no-one has actually in flagrante delicto in the public eye for a while. Except Mick Hutchence, I suppose.

I doubt that very much. That theory was proven to be false. The only shred of evidence was documents which were supposed to have belonged to Hitler and come from his Reich. They were recognised as fakes. Only joking. Worst ever fakes were the Hitler Diaries - The Times has and never will recovered from printing them as fact in the 1980s, only to reverse their decision the next day. Even "classy" journos get over-zealous when Hitler's involved.

Like this, you mean? Hogan would kick Mr T's ass in a fight, mind. And I'm pretty sure that T will die first.

Who has died in the funniest, or strangest way? I can't think of any at the moment, so I thought I'd throw the floor open. Anything involving lavatory humour will be appreciated.

Wilfrid Brambell's best moment was when the police caught him cottaging. He said he had a weak bladder, and that's why he'd been to nine different public toilets in 45 minutes. And he carried a handbag, but that's by the by. You dirty old man...

Thanks for your concern but the Lucan thread is open, and has been merged with the poll. And Hitler died in South America in the 1950s.

I'm not a doctor, just a part-time gynacologist - I like to keep my hand in.

People with HIV/AIDS are more likely to suffer from cancer than those who haven't got it, along with other stuff like pneumonia, tb, syphillis etc. All I'm saying is that the unusual number of celebs who died of cancer in the early 1980s must have included a large number of fudge-packers who didn't admit they had AIDS, or didn't know.

Yes. And the last time I checked (ie 2000) AIDS couldn't be put as cause of death on a death certificate - ie it was the AIDS-related illness (ie cancer) that bumped them off in the end. The current Government may have changed that, though.

Or maybe they did have cancer but the HIV made it difficult for the body to repel the cancer meaning it spread quicker that normal. But then again, I'm no biologist. That's exactly what I'm saying. They died of cancer, but they had AIDS, not that it was diagnosed as such until the mid (ish) 1980s.

If you look at the list of famous gays who died in the early 1980s, isn't it a bit suspicious that they all seemed to die of "cancer". One example of this is Mr Cottager himself - Wilfrid Brambell, or Old Man Steptoe as he's better known. All very suspicious.

Of course. Another lead was that he was fed to John Aspinall's tigers at his Canterbury-based animal-park. Best one was that he was Jungle Barry in India, although he turned out to be a random tramp.

To tell you the truth... a complete fantasy. Having an eight and a half month pregnant wife has significantly interfered with my alcoholism and drug intake. So I presume you were out all the time about eight-and-a-half months ago then?

It's actually an impossible list to complete. Clive's immortal - come a nuclear war all that will be left are cockroaches and old Dunny. Don't panic, mind.

I tried to enter a marathon the other day. It took me weeks to get the peanuts out from under my foreskin. (Ok, they might have been called Snickers for the past 15 years, but that's not my fault)

Could this be Lucan? John Thurso, Lib Dem MP, who was previously an heriditary member of the House of Lords, looks rather like Lucan.

Botswana? What have you heard? ;-).

Willy Wonka - that reminds me. What about Rusty Goffe? He was the chief oompah loompah in the original film He's 58 this year.

What's the deal with Lord Lucan? Is he a contender for the 2007 list? If Richard John Bingham, as he was once known, is still alive, he will be 72 on December 18 2006. Living on the run must have cut his life-expectancy by a few years.

Thespian romp? Is it just me who finds that arousing? Thought so. Not at all. As Hogan's entrance music starts "When it comes crashing down and it hurts inside..."

Now those two going at it would be a thespian romp worth watching... Hulk: "What-yer going doing, when these 24-inch pythons go through you." Mr T: "I pity the fool who jumps in my bed."

Is it just me or does Keith Floyd look suspiciously like ex-Tory MP Alan Clark, who died in 1999?