The Happy Reaper

Celtic have proved they're miles ahead of everybody else this season, with the League Cup already won - er, hang on...

Soon to be Underground for ever? http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-36052363

Again, I didn't want to start an argument or try to tell people how the forum should be run - that would be like gate-crashing a party and telling the host that the music he's playing is crap and so are the sandwiches. I accept that I shouldn't have started a new thread for Gap Man and I promise I won't do it again!

I'm not trying to start an argument but he was famous enough to get an obituary on the BBC website - I thought that was the qualification? However, thanks for the pointer towards the right thread - I'll remember that in future.

Are they related to Aston Villa Nil?

Soon to be Underground for ever. (Copied from the separate thread I started in error.)

Already posted in the appropriate thread. Sorry, I checked but didn't see anything that seemed to refer to him. I haven't been here that long so I'm still not sure of the various categories.

Ah, Davey Dodds, the Elephant Man himself! And Eamonn Bannon with hair... Memories, memories... So, United v Hibs for the Championship title next season?

Blake's Heaven?

That photo reminds me of that horror film where the wax museum catches fire...

Sounds a bit of a c*nt.

Just as Angie Bowie predicted (sort of...) http://tv.bt.com/tv/tv-news/tv-star-david-gest-dies-aged-62-in-london-hotel-11364051503415

Don't you have to explain 'wash' to the Brummies?

The other day I was walking through a public park in Dublin when I came across two workmen. One was digging a small hole about a foot deep, while the other one stood and watched him. When the first man had finished, the second waited about thirty seconds then filled in the hole again. Then the two of them moved about ten yards away and repeated the whole process. After they had done this four or five times I couldn't contain my curiosity any longer so I asked them what they were up to. "Well, you see," said one, "we normally work with Murphy but he's off sick with a bad back. He's the one who plants the trees."

Mick and Paddy are in Canada when they see a notice reading TREE FELLERS WANTED. Mick says, "If only Murphy was with us we could have applied for that!"

He's said it's one of the saddest days of his life - and let's face it, he has a hell of a lot to choose from.

I remember his guest role in Extras, when he was caught snorting cocaine in the toilets at the BAFTAs - and then shopped Moira Stewart as his supplier! He was a fellow Edinburger Edinbronian Edincunian native of Scotland's capital.

What goes wiff-wiff-wiff-wiff........................wiff-wiff-wiff-wiff........................wiff-wiff-wiff-wiff........................wiff-wiff-wiff-wiff........................? A hurdler wearing corduroy shorts.

A king and his court jester were washed up on a desert island. The king sent the jester off to explore the island in search of a woman. A day later the jester returned to report that the island was completely uninhabited. "Nonsense, jester!" the king said. "You must find me a woman!" So the jester set off again, but returned a day later with the same result. "Jester, I cannot survive without a woman!" thundered the king. "Look again!" Sadly, the result of the third search was just the same. And by the end of the week the king was at his wit's end.

During the service, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express thanks for prayers which had been answered. A lady stood up and came forward. She said, "I have a reason to thank the Lord. Two months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." There was an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced. She continued, "Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation. They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim. She continued, "Now, Jim is out of the hospital and the doctors say, with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if any one else had anything to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "Hi, I'm Jim and I would like to tell my wife, the word is sternum".

On any of hith recordth, I thould thay.

You seem to be implying that overweight frumpy women cannot give men a hard on. Well let me tell you, I've given plenty of men bed baths Depends on the individual man, surely?

The girl who lives next door was getting married, and she told me she wanted a fairytale wedding. So I turned up at the reception and put a curse on her firstborn. There's no pleasing some people.

Overweight, frumpy nurse to young blonde colleague: "You know that hunky young patient in Ward 5? I've just given him a bed-bath and he has the word TOTTIE tattooed on his willy!" Next day, young blonde nurse to overweight, frumpy colleague: "I've just given that hunky patient a bed-bath. His tattoo actually says TOTTENHAM TILL I DIE!"

That makes me wonder: would the Greek follow her in the grave soon, should she die first? I suppose she won't, but she might, say, get run over by a bus. Or would he marry again?