Joey Russ

For those interested, the New York Times now has a section dedicated to those who died by coronavirus, and along with the big names, there’s also obits in there for some of the more local heroes who definitely deserves to be remembered...

My ruling sucks because I made a decision you didn’t like? Dude, almost none of the major pools accept those types of obits. Hell, I’m not even sure @maryportfuncity allows death notices in Deathrace. So just quit whining about the past and focus on the April match, okay? No wonder msc quit his job as hosting after three years...

500

Ah, there’s that fast start we all were looking for. So Mexican attorney Gerardo Ruiz Espardo has died not because of coronavirus but because of a stroke instead. Weird that this match isn’t entirely of coronavirus victims so far. But anyways, he’s a unique for JiroemonKimura, and could be one of the favorites to win this... 1. Clorox vs Deadsox 0 - 3 2. Sir Creep vs msc 0 - 0  3. Book vs JiroemonKimura 0 - 7 4. Chorizo vs Quim Reaper 3 - 0 5. Grim vs Grobler 0 - 0 6. DeathByArsenic vs Torva 3 - 0 7. An Fear Bag vs YoungWillz 3 - 0 8. Banana vs Death Impends 0 - 3 

Yeah, if you’re a hall of fame coach chances are you’ll be accepted. But it doesn’t matter anyways, he died before the starting line and as such no points for Banana here. He it was known that he did die before the starting line before the 3rd though, so he will be subbed in with William Powell, and Banana also gets the chance to nominate another joker too. EDIT: he nominated “Killer” Tim Brooks as new joker

Greenspan apparently knows how to run the internet...

Looks like Biblio had Freeman Dyson

US could’ve had less deaths if the government hadn’t fucked up this entire thing. Now they’re expecting the death toll to be at least 100k, and I think that’s a lowball estimate tbh...

COVID’s in love with Stacy’s Mom

That store has always been a piece of shit. This is nothing new.

Dude, you already won your match against me, there is no reason to bring this up again when the ruling of hosts have been clear.

After the first two matches where we had to wait a while for a hit, we finally got a first day hit on our hands. Must’ve been the corona beer everyone was drinking. But the Somali head of state Nur Hassan Hussein begins leads for multiple teams. First, in a rematch against Clorox, deadsox has taken the lead against his opponent. The question is will the results be different than last year’s April cup match for the two of them? Only time will tell. Then there’s Jiroemon, who so far has shown an excellent sophomore effort in the cup. Chorizo takes his first hit against Quim who will no doubt complain “bollocks, I’m about to lose again.” However, that match is far from over. DeathByArsenic once again takes the lead against Torva, in what will no doubt be a wild ride of a match. An Fear Beag showing a very solid rookie performance here, but be aware. He does have to worry about the man known as Frank Ifield. His death could change the whole game. Finally, we have our match between two of the cups finest competitors, and right now Death Impends takes the lead against Banana. So far, some interesting results, but as it’s only the first, this is very much far from over... 1. Clorox vs Deadsox 0 - 3 2. Sir Creep vs msc 0 - 0 3. Book vs JiroemonKimura 0 - 3 4. Chorizo vs Quim Reaper 3 - 0 5. Grim vs Grobler 0 - 0 6. DeathByArsenic vs Torva 3 - 0 7. An Fear Bag vs YoungWillz 3 - 0 8. Banana vs Death Impends 0 - 3

Oh yeah, and the draw for the quarterfinals. You don’t want to know the draw for the quarterfinals. DeathByArsenic or Torva vs An Fear Bag or YoungWillz Book or JiroemonKimura vs Chorizo or Quim Reaper Clorox or Deadsox vs Grim or Grobler Banana or Death Impends vs Sir Creep or msc

1. Clorox (Brandes, Brooks, Burford, DeSaulnier, Dybkjaer, Glanzer*, Hallett, Hanbury-Tenison, Teng-Hui, Prine, Ziegler) vs Deadsox (Prine*, Brooks, Burford, Hussein, Gavazzi, Adkins, Ho, Tanaka, Tobin, Ziegler, Teng-hui) 2. Sir Creep (Allard, Calhoun, Gavazzi, Dejolie*, Hanbury-Tenison, Willie K, Murphy, Sirko, Swinton, Teng-Hui, Ziegler) vs msc (DeSaulnier*, Teng-Hui, Ziegler, Prine, Glanzer, Adkins, Burford, Shurer, Hanbury-Tenison, Amara, Duchin) 3. Book (Teng-Hui*, Reilly, Adkins, H Alvarez, Allard, Brooks, DeSaulnier, Ziegler, Murphy, Philip, Smith) vs JiroemonKimura (Adkins*, Prine, M Ahtisaari, E Ahtisaari, Domingo, Brooks, Esparza, O’Brien, Hussein, Gatti, DeSaulnier) 4. Chorizo (Prine*, Brooks, Dybkjaer, Adkins, Gavazzi, Hussein, M Ahtisaari, Hagen, Teng-Hui, Bayh, Ziegler) vs Quim Reaper (F Alvarez, Bayh, Brooks*, Caan, Lindemann, Lloyd, Smith, Solana, Tobin, Trebek, Ziegler) 5. Grim (Brooks*, Teng-Hui, Prine, Adkins, Tapie, Gulpilil, Wilkinson, Tobin, Ziegler, Hallett, Willie K) vs Grobler (Averbakh*, Weighton, McCain, Philip, Teng-Hui, Kissinger, Lyssarides, Thompson, Tobin, Martino, Limbaugh) 6. DeathByArsenic (Christophe*, Lyssarides, Hussein, Simonot, Smith, Benson, Gatti, Weinstein, Randon, Shamsuzzaman, Greco) vs Torva (Weinstein, Lewis, Prine*, Ucles, Alderete, Brooks, Kerslake, DeSaulnier, Rosen, Ziegler, Smith) 7. An Fear Bag (Tobin, Shajarian, Ziegler, Brooks*, Burford, Adkins, Alvarez, Herrera, Murphy, Hussein, Prine) vs YoungWillz (Durham, Trebek, Prine*, Kerslake, Lynn, Flack, Ifield, Stiles, Redstone, York, Poitier) 8. Banana (Tramp*, Brooks, Ziegler, Burford, Wilson, Adkins, Reitzer, Garrison, Pattanayak, Allard, Alvarez) vs Death Impends (Adkins*, Brooks, Burford, Prine, Ziegler, Teng-hui, Astairs, Hussein, Christophe, Hansbury-Tenison, Hallett)

April Masterlist: Bennie Adkins - Jiroemon*, Grim, Book, msc, Chorizo, deadsox, Death Impends*, Banana, Fear Beag Eeva Ahtisaari - Jiroemon Martti Ahtisaari - Jiroemon, Chorizo Juan Alderete - Torva Jack Allard - Book, Sir Creep, Banana Fernando Martin Alvarez - Quim, Fear Beag Sonny Alvarez - Book, Banana Said Amara - msc Viestarts Astairs - Death Impends Yuri Averbakh - grobler* Susan Bayh - Quim, Chorizo Ray Benson - DeathByArsenic Derek Brandes - Clorox “Killer” Tim Brooks - Quim*, Jiroemon, Grim*, Book, Torva, Clorox, Chorizo, deadsox, Death Impends, Banana*, Fear Beag* Gary Burford - msc, clorox, deadsox, Death Impends, Banana, Fear Beag James Caan - Quim Kevin Calhoun - Sir Creep Christophe - Death Impends, DeathByArsenic* Jean Greenmountain DeJolie - Sir Creep* Mark DeSaulnier - Jiroemon, Book, msc*, Torva, Clorox Placido Domingo - Jiroemon Peter Duchin - msc Judith Durham - YoungWillz Lone Dybkjaer - Clorox, Chorizo Gerardo Ruiz Esparza - Jiroemon Roberta Flack - YoungWillz Webston Garrison - Banana Hugo Gatti - Jiroemon, DeathByArsenic Pierino Gavazzi - Chorizo, deadsox, Sir Creep Bob Glanzer - msc, clorox* Juliette Greco - DeathByArsenic David Gulpilil - Grim David Hagen - Chorizo George Hallett - Grim, clorox, Death Impends Robin Hanbury-Tenison - msc, clorox, Death Impends, Sir Creep Ignacio Herrera - Fear Beag Stanley Ho - deadsox Nur Hassan Hussein - Jiroemon, chorizo, deadsox, Death Impends, DeathByArsenic, Fear Beag Frank Ifield - YoungWillz Willie K - Grim, Sir Creep Lee Kerslake - YoungWillz, Torva Henry Kissinger - grobler John Lewis - Torva Rush Limbaugh - grobler Till Lindemann - Quim Sam Lloyd - Quim Vera Lynn - YoungWillz Vassos Lyssarides - grobler, DeathByArsenic Pat Martino - grobler Roberta McCain - grobler Niall Murphy - Book, Sir Creep, Fear Beag Ted O’Brien - Jiroemon Bhabani Charan Pattanayak - Banana Prince Philip - grobler, Book Sidney Poitier - YoungWillz William Powell - Banana John Prine - YoungWillz*, Jiroemon, Grim, msc, Torva*, Clorox, Chorizo*, deadsox*, Death Impends, Fear Beag Lucille Randon - DeathByArsenic Sumner Redstone - YoungWillz Barry “Bunny” Reilly - Book Jean-Luc Reitzer - Banana Michael Rosen - Torva Mohamed-Reza Shajarian - Fear Beag ATM Shamsuzzaman - DeathByArsenic Ronald J Shurer - msc Renee Siminot - DeathByArsenic Robert Sirko - Sir Creep Tom Smith - Quim, Book, Torva, DeathByArsenic Javier Solana - Quim Nobby Stiles - YoungWillz Val Swinton - Sir Creep Kane Tanaka - deadsox Bernard Tapie - Grim Lee Teng-Hui - grobler, Grim, Book*, msc, clorox, Chorizo, deadsox, Death Impends, Sir Creep Ruthie Thompson - grobler Peter Tobin - Quim, grobler, Grim, deadsox, Fear Beag Alex Trebek - Quim, YoungWillz Chelato Ucles - Torva Bob Weighton - grobler Harvey Weinstein - Torva, DeathByArsenic Ken Wilkinson - Grim S Clay Wilson - Banana Michael York - YoungWillz Michael Ziegler - Quim, Grim, Book, msc, Torva, clorox, Chorizo, deadsox, Death Impends, Sir Creep, Banana, Fear Beag

Commiserations to Skinny Kiltrunner, John Key, Engineer, Wormfarmer, Bibliogryphon, Reptile, Spade, Deathray, maryport, oldlady, Alt Obits Guy, DevonDeathTrip, me, HDS, Etushispushingupdaisies, and FixedBusiness. Better luck next year? On to April!

With every of the expected competitors in, we unfortunately have to say goodbye to Spade Cooley. An impressive run last year, and certainly gave an impressive run this time, but unfortunately it seems like there’s a curse for those who went in the top two the previous year (Deadsox being an outlier from 2017)...

Well, if he doesn’t submit you’ll be up against Spade. Sorry to dampen your hopes of a bye

56 minutes to go for An Fear Beag and Banana to send something in now...

You can not be serious!!!

Unfortunately I can’t count social media posts, as they can literally be written by anybody. You still got four hours to find a suitable obit, but the clock is certainly ticking...

5 hours to go and I am still waiting on 9 teams to come in...

Yeah. It’s gonna have be in a online source. Precedent on here has rejected those sources that are only printed. Otherwise, I could’ve gone “oh look, I totally found a death notice for George Hallett in this fake site I made based on a real obit source, honest.”

CNN anchor and Andrew Cuomo’s brother Chris Cuomo has the virus

Bouteflika is at home after he fall as ruler, although I note he does look wheelchair bound... EDIT: that photo is from 2017. D’oh!