TQR

Some people complain about their nuisance neighbours...maybe they play their shit music too loud, maybe their dog barks like a twat, maybe they fuck too loud, maybe they bawl down the phone like there’s no tomorrow, maybe they smoke skunk in the garden, but nobody thinks of the people who’s neighbour is Dominic Cummings and they have to live with the pressure of trying not to hit him with a hammer.

Oh yeah, absolutely bollocks all point in what they’re doing really...aside from the amusing thought of ole Daddy Cumcums looking out the window with a bewildered expression like “Erm, Mary darling, what the fuck’s...how long’s that been there?”

Fucking hell, I mean we all knew he was unhinged, but he’s really raising the bar in that respect. What a cunt!

That's just the daily briefing with a cabinet minister looking like a bellend. The stats will still be published.

Saturday: 2 Sunday: 950 Fucking figures. I'll try 174 for Saturday.

Don’t take that as an age-related insult Toastie, I’m a boomer too apparently and I was born in 1996.

Some protestors yesterday evening staged a Die-In outside Dominic Cummings’ house, playing dead across his road while holding signs telling him how much of a cunt he is.

Favourite Solo Beatles: John Lennon: N/A Paul McCartney: N/A George Harrison: Got My Mind Set On You Ringo Starr: Thomas The Tank Engine Narration

Bollocks was it only 176. This comes after yesterday's toll was, it transpires, more than all the EU27 combined. Friday: 190

Oh Phil, that was a difficult read. I’m so sorry. There’s no way of understanding the specifics of what’s affecting you personally but Cyclothymia has, twice, done the same evil little number on me, so I do know the depths. Well done. For being so courageous. For staying. For facing up to this technical glitch. For being open about it. For retaining that ability to laugh. Deal with yourself on bad days however you need to. Ride it out; you don’t have long to wait for a good one. Talk if you want to, don’t if you don’t. Cry if you want to, shout, swear, stay silent, punch a pillow, cuddle it, drink your Vanilla Coke, tip it over your fucking self and then laugh like a maniac about it, whatever. Doesn’t matter; tomorrow’s going to be better. You know this. Your diagnosis merely alludes to the reason behind your quirks that you can embrace, like others do, even if you’re convinced they don’t. Take care, and keep up your strength and bravery.

Oh, look, god knows, I mean if we’re going to try and make sense of what this yankified whoopee cushion is saying we could be here all day. I haven’t got time for that so I’ll settle for a cheap anal reference.

It only hurts the first time, anyway

A man on Twitter set up an account that tweeted exactly, to the letter, whatever Trump does. His account has just been suspended for glorifying violence.

Look, you’re obsessed with the ‘argument’ so you clearly give too much of a shit and think you have something to prove, and the irony is you then mistakenly assume the other side of this ‘argument’ is taking it as seriously as you. I often make sarcastic and withering remarks, I have done for the 3 and a half years I’ve been here. They’re not to be taken to heart, as most people know. It’s a forum we use to kill a spare couple of minutes and have a little laugh. Stop being so combative; virtually everyone here has the odd little curt exchange but in the couple of months you’ve been here you’ve had bloody loads, and it’s for the reason I described: you are taking your so far so dismal presence here too seriously. Get your tension out somewhere else. (Unless it’s the political thread. If it’s politics, fire away, as long as it’s the politicians that are getting cunted off!) And please practice the not arguing thing: don’t reply. I’m not always right, I’m not under any impression I am, nobody decent is, but at least maybe think about being a bit less scrappy?

I see you baby, faking that mass...

But of course, it's not all like fucking Tilbury here I'll have you know Basildon now has plenty of people who pretend to know what yoga is!

Roland sounds like a nice bloke.

But you're not taking yourself or what is said to you seriously so that's the main thing Hug?

And that rationale is somewhere between a wacky comedian and a poisonous lunatic. It's good. That's what this thread is for. Bless you. Anyway, I'm off for some yoga. Work on my flexibility

Alex Jones thought this up 3 years ago. Good job Alex Jones is known to be a very level-headed and rational man otherwise this theory would be in trouble.

And the answer is 359. Points for Exu, Roey, PB and BP. Thursday: 342

Not strictly for this, no.

Noticed during PMQs: he’s wearing an earpiece. Given how shit he looked, I’d sack whoever’s in his ear telling him what to say if I were him. What an inflatable cock.

Really?

Tory MP Steve Baker tweeted some moans about this. What he neglects to mention is that he fucking voted for it.