TQR

Well there’s a turn up for the books; your maths has wiped out all current cases of Coronavirus. Rejoice!

Grauniad's feed is running with 210. Weekend numbers are always buggered. Tuesday: 507

I've now equalled what was my grand total in my 2017 and 2018 efforts. This is the middle of May. QR: 13 CS: 10 DL: 9

Very sorry to hear it Clorox, in this already difficult time. Take it easy.

Oh come on, I left that wide open for you to say “here we go”.

Still not good enough, superstar DJ.

Think again, boy.

Thomas

Big Job has helpfully tweeted this formula for working out the threat level of Covid in the UK. Devastatingly, it’s at 219,183.6 out of 5.

30th May

Mugabe was really funny! But the whole charade should've died with, well, Mugabe.

Monday: 332

True, but we can still compare figures between countries, they'll have the same degree of error as our figures; the cases that predated records exist everywhere else too. The fact is, Italy, Spain and France are similar to our country with regard to population and scale of outbreak, and our country (unless it's all dropped dramatically over 3 days since these figures were published) has not seen any real decline in new cases yet. They're only just starting to ease restrictions now, a few weeks after they've recorded significant declines. The point really is that 'stay alert' is nothing more than a panchreston, it's not a policy. It's so open to interpretation that no preventative action can be enforced. And we need it as a nation, for the people who aren't lucky enough to live in relatively secluded areas that haven't been hit so much, and the people who are less inclined to act with a responsible level of caution.

I wouldn't relax the 'message' we had before; it's far too early given that the infection rate is still there-or-thereabouts the same as it was 3-4 weeks ago, as illustrated here: And when the time comes where it's safe to slacken up the rules, it'd be something a bit less vague and platitudinous than 'stay alert'...what does that mean? Are we supposed to turn round and karate chop this 0.1micron diameter virus when it approaches, like it's some kind of Cato figure? Maybe it means we can control the virus with our minds? Or maybe, were I payed to do this job full-time, I'd perhaps put my mind to giving the population clear advice about how to act safely, with substance and meaning, rather than focusing purely on mindless sloganeering that might look good on a poster or printed in The Sun. Also, the irony of the government now bandying about the word 'alert' after how unalert it was to this would be quite amusing, if there weren't 32,000 dead as a result.

New advice from Big Job: Good to see we’re sticking to the policy format of:

...and Don King is banned. Oh no.

Oh, I'm Lenny Henry now am I? What, do we all look the same or something? You racist fucking prick.

Sunday: 308

You are will proved to be an cunt.

Two takeaway things from this music video: 1) The sweat of a grunge rock three-piece can turn a wrinkly old woman into a smooth alien figure. Naturally. 2) I suspect even the straight man would find the lead singer hot.

Saturday: 493

I hope to fuck you didn’t resort to an image search first

One small quip, just enough to trigger this elongated spasm of insecurity

You wish You don’t have many friends, do you?