TQR

It's interesting that you'd look at that poor old sack of rotting meat in an orange bag and his feet are what stands out as being unhealthy

Come on mate, there's a time and a place. The time is whenever you like, and the place is right here:

Thanks to our illustrious host! I shall be entering a team. I’ll be picking it. Not random.org, and not one of my children, who despite still living in my bollocks, would probably do a better job than their old man.

Fuck, shit, bollocks, cunt, Arseholes, bugger, piss, cock, balls, Motherfucking dick That's a haiku about stepping on a plug. I've just stepped on a plug.

Unlucky For Some: Herman Wouk Leah Bracknell Robert Mugabe Vera Lynn Javier Perez de Cuellar Stirling Moss Bob Hawke (Joker) Nobby Stiles Loretta Lynn Mikhail Gorbachev John McCririck Little Richard Johnny Clegg

That’s kind of the range I was thinking, but in the interests of turning this into a kind of sweepstake, I’ll be optimistic for them and say 13.

January: Dolores O'Riordan February: Emma Chambers March: Stephen Hawking/Jim Bowen April: Dale Winton/Verne Troyer/Avicii May: Tessa Jowell June: Peter Stringfellow July: Lord Carrington August: Aretha Franklin/Barry Chuckle September: Chas Hodges October: Nope, no one November: Baroness Trumpington December: June Whitfield

It's 30C here in Perth, UV Index is 10/11 and I'm having a lazy day, sitting by the pool. It's also New Year's Day. I can't tell you just how far removed this is from the norm for me. Literally the only recognisable aspect of this NYD is the topping up with drink despite a faint hangover.

Of course.

Congrats machotrouts! I'll have to give this a go next time; judging by my previous deadpooling history I'm pretty good at picking people who survive.

It's a toss-up between Murray Walker, the DoE or my mate Leah.

It's not that simple. First, you need to obtain a 'Deathlist Doctorate'. This is an intensive course partaken over 5 years, which involves plenty of tasks, starting at the bottom with accurately estimating the prognosis of 3 cancer sufferers, via successfully making Peter Falk jokes and lambasting the official DL for not picking someone who, mid-year, very suddenly fell ill and died, working your way up to the dizzying heights of reviewing lists as if you are in possession of a crystal ball. Once obtained, this doctorate will be delivered via carrier pigeon to your home address. It normally manifests as a gold medal. As soon as you receive it, give it a name, charter a popemobile style vehicle, and parade it around your home town until you're arrested. On being released on bail, you must wear this medal and pay a visit to a shamanic settlement. Leah Bracknell will greet you with a spliff and a glass of kale champagne. She'll teach you yoga, followed by meditation. Once you have mastered her meditation course, she will light a giant joint and softly give you blowback, until you have an epiphany. You will wake up from a transient state back in your bed. The next 72 hours are crucial. You must sprint to your letterbox and await delivery of a silvery scroll, embossed with a letterhead with the Deathlist.net logo. Do not let this sit in your postbox or on your floor for any more than 10 seconds, or it will evaporate and you will need to go back to stage 1. On reception of this magical parchment, pray to the great Lord and Saviour, Sir Kirk of Douglas, with your Deathlist Doctorate medal in your hand. Wrap it in lambswool, and have it delivered by camel to the Himalayas to be blessed by a Tibetan monk. He will WhatsApp you a voice note of said blessing, and lo and behold, a special quill will appear. This quill is very fragile. With extreme care, and with no mistakes or corrections, you must write out your list of 50 names to perish in the forthcoming year. Do it carefully, else the quill will lose confidence in you and will write itself out, before poking you in the eye. You have just 5 minutes to write this list, before the Deathlist gods visit you, ask you to link up to a scanner, scan this parchment and upload it to the cloud. Once you have successfully scanned your parchment in, and on the first correct use of a upon a forum newbie, your list will appear in your signature, and the Deathlist Gods will wish you the best of luck, whilst tickling your chin with the parchment you wrote with. Only then can you say you've made it as a Deathlister.

Happy New Leah!

There's 23 similarities with their list and my list. As for the other 27 names, mine will doubtlessly piss all over theirs.

Dead. First big miss from the committee this year. Poor start to 2013.

No DingDong, no Pope Ben...but at least Nobby's back. Tina Turner's an interesting shout.

Or here?

It's a fair point, to be honest.

Another one? Why ever not? Bracknell it is.

Everyone else just smells the single malt on your breath. Still hedging my bets that she's fuck'd.

The site implodes and our lives end.

You could, but I'll see the time you voted!

Fireworks were good at Elizabeth Quay, Perth. Teeming with champagne at the moment. Happy New Year!