TQR

Right, that's it, let the DL selection process begin: My entry for our mate JR976evil:

Love stumbling across a great track I haven't heard for about a decade. This came on in the car earlier and I used my dashboard as a drum kit whilst blasting down the A12.

He's got the intelligence of a parsnip. There's only three other countries that exist according to him: Mexico, I-Raq and the Moon.

Well that’s your Tinder profile sorted.

It’s alright for him to do that though, as he’s “liked a lot” over here. Delusional pile of cunt.

Not so much Glee for the mourners of Cory Monteith on this day 5 years ago, aged 31.

"That's all, folks!" for Mel Blanc 29 years ago today, aged 81.

Leah Bracknell for fuck sake. I've been voting for her since "The 1st Death of 2017".

Well, as it turns out, I'm voting for Leah Bracknell.

Thought I'd read up on Jeremy Wright, new Secretary of State for Digital, Culture, Sport & Media, mostly because I didn't have much of a clue who he was, but he had a face I very much felt like despising as soon as I clapped eyes on it. Here, have a look at his voting record, if anything even more noxious and detestable than his past expenses record: https://www.theyworkforyou.com/mp/11791/jeremy_wright/kenilworth_and_southam/votes He's also not got a Twitter account, or any real social media to report. And he's in charge of it. The only mention of culture on his website is that he used to play the trumpet. Ick. What a helmet. I would look more into the new Health Secretary Hat Mancock or whoever the fucker is but given that this reshuffle is a bit like rearranging the sun loungers on a stricken Titanic I shan't bother.

So Jeremy Wright is now Culture Sec, taking Matt Hancock's old job; he's now Health Sec, taking Jeremy Hunt's old job; he's now Foreign Sec. Expenses Fiddler, looks like Lembit Opik drawn onto some ham. "Labour party is full of queers" Jeremy Cunt. They're all people you'd leave in a burning building to save a pig.

Either way, the party line appears now to be 'no government is better than a bad government'.

OH MY FUCK, ladies and gentlemen, CHRIS GREEN HAS RESIGNED! Nope, no idea either.

So sad to see Boris Johnson...actually, my sentence is finished.

It’ll unravel more over the next couple of days. This is a catastrofuck for May. It’s very plausible that we’ll be crashing head first into a new government, and even that wouldn’t damage our credibility on the EU stage anywhere near as much as this monsoon of liquid shit is at the moment.

Kim Il-Sung was promoted from Supreme Leader to (dead) Eternal President of North Korea on this day 24 years ago, aged 82. For political reasons, I must point out that Kim Il-Sung was a Leader so dear and great and was the perfect incarnation of the appearance that a leader should have and was a glorious general who descended from heaven who has now ascended back there to enrich it but will eternally remain a superior person in the hearts of the Democratic People's Republic of North Korea and I want to live please. Look how brilliant the man is/was/is.

Presumably. Yep. To any single-minded individual with sod all knowledge of the area. It’s still you’re, by the way. But you got it third time lucky, so there’s hope for you yet. Presumably. Though we know how wrong presumptions can be.

Wrong once more. Regards, a centre-left 22-year-old with the vocabulary of a reasonable, unashamedly middle-class prick and a full head of hair fuck you very much. You might want to work on your ill-advised stereotypes too if you’re going with ‘hairy’ and ‘bald’ in the same description.

Shu’ uuuuuup.

Hey, not only is it you're, but I'm not a Scot and yet day-drinking and fried Mars Bars are fine with me

Nah. I just go along with the other fucking idiots that bawl through the now factually incorrect, utterly reprehensible three minutes of out-of-tune drivel that two utterly loathsome 'comedians' and a bland 90s band tried to sing 22 years ago.

Honestly, I loathe and detest football on a day-to-day basis and when I'm King/PM I'll almost certainly ban it on a national level, but these fuckers are borderline getting me into it. I'm shouting at the telly like a cunt, I'm going to the pub with mates purely on the basis of watching the football, I'm even idly commenting on strategy despite knowing shit all about the wretched game; it's turning me into a 'lad' (yes, a lamentable term) for fuck sake, for the first time in my equally wretched 22 years. I'm even commenting on the England team in the first person "we're", etc., exhibiting behaviour I've berated all my life. But this team of gormless pricks kicking a ball about are enkindling my interest and support where normally I'd give it less time of day than literally anything else on this planet. It's absolutely remarkable. I'm a football hater that's now joining in with drunken afternoon renditions of Skinner, Baddiel and the Lightning Seeds. High praise indeed for Southgate and his team of said gormless pricks So yes, great England team. Give Gareth Southgate and Jordan Pickford et al (bar Sterling) a knighthood.

Published in October 2015. His dad's no longer there, but still alive.

Louis Armstrong ran out of time in the world 47 years ago today, aged 69.

Appropriate for today I suppose, given his health scare. I'm not a devout Costello fan, but this is great: