TQR

Look at this wank on the Maily Dail, saying the Met Office is declaring we're on the cusp of a National Emergency because it's a lovely summer's day out there. I know when I'm too hot. I know to drink water and not get too burnt. Don't tell me to stay indoors because it's warm outside. Piss off, Met office. Leave us. The fuck. Alone.

I love public naming things. A particular highlight of mine was when Mountain Dew wanted a name for a new flavoured energy drink a few years back, and the winning suggestion was "Hitler Did Nothing Wrong".

The good thing about exercise is that you die much healthier.

He'll be around for years yet... *waits for obit*

BBC BREAKING NEWS: A statement has been issued from Buckingham Palace concerning the health of Prince Philip:

Piss and shit. Clorox is the winner.

D'you know the worst thing is that that was a typo and I meant 66, but I've just double checked that and right at the end it's got Amy on it as well

Sorry to hear you endured it... Pretty confident about Now 65. Any advances on Now 65? Going once, going twice...

Oh you're having a bloody laugh Will. Not. Give. In.

I shall up my initial offer to Now 62. There's quite a lot of dog eggs on that album.

I did worry for a brief second that my post didn't exude enough sarcasm...

Oh tits. Right, back to it then

Right, so let's get this clear, this is the watertight evidence we have for the DoE being dead: The sartorial darkness of BBC News presenters. The (retired) man not being at work for a while. 23-year-old Sam, unemployed, from Preston confirming on Twitter to her 141 followers that royal sources close to her say Buckingham Palace will be making a statement at 18:00 GMT. Brilliant.

Not mysteriously, no; he's retired.

Trending on Twitter now, but just read the tweets; it's primarily just people making the same remark of "Prince Philip is dead. Dead racist that is Hahahahahahahahabuhdbaghahjbasd" like twats.

Afraid it's a no for Now 55 - Just remembered that Feeder drummer Jon Lee topped himself, Wiki confirmed, in 2002. Looks like it might be Now 57?

It's alright, I've just wasted my fucking time on pre-25.

To be fair, autocorrect is out to get you on this one:

You're thinking of Architects. They're a hardcore metallic band; Architechs are a UK garage band from the late 90s and they're still going.

Some dead careers but that's about it, looking at it.

Charles (off of And Eddie), Bob Marley, George Michael, Erma Franklin, John Lee Hooker, Michael Hutchence (off of INXS), Roy Orbison, Freddie Mercury, Paul Hester (off of Crowded House) - that's quite a lot of deados on Now 23. How perfect, then, that 'Alive & Kicking' by Simple Minds features on it.

It's always an interesting read when you type in 'Prince Philip' in the search bar on Twitter. The gist of it is that someone accidentally started the rumour yesterday, Chinese whispers made that an official thing and it'd be announced by Buckingham Palace at 1700 (yesterday), people who didn't read that bit carried the rumour on to today, fuelled further by the fact that a few news sites have re-pubished an article saying what will happen when he does die. The announcement of his death was then pushed from 5pm yesterday to 2pm today, which, unless I've got dementia at 22, didn't happen. The Twitterverse have ignored this, and now come up with several conspiracies as to how he's been dead for months. So all is normal and the DoE is alive and well. Probably.

From where exactly?

Bruce Lee lost The Game Of Death on this day 45 years ago, aged 32.

Listened to this new track from the upcoming album from my favourite band. I'm not exactly overwhelmed by it. Not whelmed in the slightest bit, frankly. It might be a grower, we'll see. But for now, this sort of Muse is better: That's one you'll probably know. And here's one you probably won't: