Typhoid Harry

Maybe............ Nah, better not.

There is a serious shortage of clowns recently, what with so many of them in Congress and Parliament. Fortunately, someone is doing something about it.

What does this mean? A new concept: Mod Wars! The "Last edited by..." might have given you away, H. Maybe, but then again, maybe not...

Tabloid Headline: "Bill Gates Buys Cuba, Castro Retires to Seattle!"

For all his shortcomings, Carter was the last honest US president, and the first, probably, since Teddy Roosevelt. Carter's most debilitating trait, in my opinion, was that he was simply too nice of a guy for the job. When Reagan was president, regardless of the term or his mental state, the fact that he was a simpleton just escaped public awareness. He never had an original thought in his entire life, I used to just cringe whenever he referred to that plastic thing he was married to as "Mommy". I used to laugh when people would get upset at George I for his lies, half-truths and deceptions. Hello? He was the head of the freaking CIA, folks, it was his job to lie, not to mention his nature. George the Lesser spent (well, the Republican Party spent) close to 200 million dollars to get re-elected last November, and you know that nobody spends that kind of money without expecting a return on their investment. The man is more of a puppet than Reagan ever was, but he is not a simpleton; he's a cretinous moron. If I hear him say "nookyooler" one more time, I swear, my head's going to explode. Clinton, at least was reasonably intelligent, unfortunately he is an evil, self-serving chameleon. Who else in the history of the world ever avoided a scandal by using an 8-year-old's excuse when he gets caught behind the barn with a cigarette? "But I didn't inhale!" Sheesh. But the piece de resistance of hubris was, "It depends on what your definition of 'is' is." Some actually believed that that spineless worm Foster had the stones to off himself, but I never did. The list of people with the potential to do harm to the president and her husband (oops, typo?) who died, fortuitously, is mind-boggling. Bottom line? Whenever I'm abroad, I tell people I'm Canadian. The sheeple of the US have embarassed me no end by their willingness to follow only two parties. I'm a libertarian and an individualist; I love my country and everything it used to stand for, but I fear and loathe my government and what it has become. My mother is 80-years old and unwilling to leave, but as soon as she shuffles off this mortal coil my ass is outta here. I want to watch the implosion of the US, but I want to watch from a safe distance in a country where I can afford the corruption. Sorry. /rant off Note: This IP has been logged.

I was a kid when The Brady Bunch was on in prime time, and whenever we watched it my parents would always use the show to nag at me and my brother: "Why can't you two be more like those kids?" I couldn't tell them the answer was, "Because it's the 70's, man, I'm too busy smoking dope and dropping acid to ape the behavior of a 50's retro wish-fest!"

Nicole duFresne, 28 "Aspiring actress" pretty much means she wouldn't be famous enough.

Steed, John Steed. Considerably before your time, Junior.

Actually, the King of Juvenile Comedy was on one of the late night talk shows here the other night looking much more trim and healthy. It was depressing.

Absolutely classic, my furry friend.

Well, at least here in the land of hypocrisy, when a celebrity does a charity spot they are allowed to place a (universally absurd) value on their time and use that amount as a tax deduction. Consequently, they will shoot the commercial several times over several days, often for only a few minutes of the celeb's time per day, and the tax deduction can be in the millions. Screw 'em, is my opinion.

Well, at least not without a lot of alcohol upon which to lay the blame.

Many good and decent people were members of the Nazi Party, there was simply no alternative for those wishing to hold onto their lives. The SS, on the other hand, were a different story. Because of this I don't think that the word "Nazi" should carry the stigma it now does, but everyone loves having a scapegoat. There have been myriad attrocities committed in war time; I know scholars who believe the Japanese slaughtered upwards of twice as many innocents as the Germans, and the Russians were no slackers in the genocide department, either.

Phillip Johnson, 98 NEW YORK Jan 26, 2005 - Philip Johnson, the innovative architect who promoted the "glass box" skyscraper and then smashed the mold with daringly nostalgic post-modernist designs, has died. He was 98. Johnson died Tuesday night at his home in New Canaan, Conn., according to Joel S. Ehrenkranz, his lawyer. John Elderfield, a curator at the Museum of Modern Art, also confirmed the death Wednesday. Johnson's work ranged from the severe modernism of his New Canaan home, a glass cube in the woods, to the Chippendale-topped AT&T Building in New York City, now owned by Sony. He and his partner, John Burgee, designed the Crystal Cathedral in Garden Grove, Calif., an ecclesiastical greenhouse that is wider and higher than Notre Dame in Paris; the RepublicBank in Houston, a 56-story tower of pink granite stepped back in a series of Dutch gable roofs; and the Cleveland Playhouse, a complex with the feel of an 11th century town. "Architecture is basically the design of interiors, the art of organizing interior space," Johnson said in a 1965 interview. He expressed a loathing for buildings that are "slide-rule boxes for maximum return of rent," and once said his great ambition was "to build the greatest room in the world a great theater or cathedral or monument. Nobody's given me the job." In 1980, however, he completed his great room, the Crystal Cathedral. If architects are remembered for their one-room buildings, Johnson said, "This may be it for me." He got even more attention with the AT&T Building in New York City, breaking decisively with the glass towers that crowded Manhattan. He created a granite-walled tower with an enormous 90-foot arched entryway and a fanciful top that seemed more appropriate for a piece of furniture. The building generated controversy, but it marked a sharp turn in architectural taste away from the severity of modernism. Other architects felt emboldened to experiment with styles, and commissions poured into the offices of Johnson-Burgee. Most were corporate palaces: the Transco II and RepublicBank towers in Houston; a 23-story, neo-Victorian office building in San Francisco, graced with three human figures at the summit; a mock-gothic glass tower for PPG Industries in Pittsburgh. "The people with money to build today are corporations they are our popes and Medicis," Johnson said. "The sense of pride is why they build." But his large projects at times ran into a buzz saw of criticism from local preservationists and even fellow architects. In 1987, he was replaced as designer of the second phase of the New England Life Insurance Co. headquarters in Boston after residents complained about the project's size and style. Critics unearthed a quotation he had made at a conference a couple of years earlier: that "I am a whore and I am paid very well for high-rise buildings." Johnson said later his choice of words was unfortunate and he only meant that architects need to be able to compromise with developers if they want to see them built. Philip Cortelyou Johnson was born July 8, 1906, in Cleveland, the only son of Homer H. Johnson, a well-to-do attorney, and his wife, Louise. After graduating with honors from Harvard in 1927 with a degree in philosophy, he toured Europe and became interested in new styles of architecture. That interest became his life's work in 1932, when Johnson was appointed chairman of the department of architecture of the Museum of Modern Art in New York. That same year, he mounted an influential exhibition, "The International Style: Architecture 1922-1932."

Then how do you ever find the time for annoying people on other sites?

Well, good friends with two kids together. And both Sarandon and Robbins are annoying, arogant twunts. People who live priviledged lifestyles and try to tell others how best to live theirs really put me off. Currently in the US, George Bush (the elder) and Bill Clinton keep appearing on my TV together telling me it's the American way to give money to the charity they're shilling. To hell with them; when they, or any other "celebrity" who pushes for me to give to their favorite cause, has given away all but the meagerest amount of their millions and is living like the rest of the middle class, then I will listen to them. Until then, I will continue to root vigorously for their misery/death.

"Drinking tea with wild abandon." Now there's a Britishism if I ever heard one.

Just playing with it, but: Not bad considering murder is among them. And who knew superstition was a sin? A lot of athletes I know are going to Hell. I am also struck by the sexism inherent in the value placed upon Our Fathers over Hail Marys. Perhaps the Virgin Mother is a touch more vain than God?

Piker!

Drunk driving test in Scotland?

Actually, he was born in 1924 near Salt Lake City.

It's magic.

So are most Americans It's intentional; confused people with a short attention span are much easier to deceive. It's been my observation that much the same thing occurs in the UK as well.

If god has common sense, he's been terribly stingy with it for an awfully long time.

Some of the gags from his "Carnac the Magnificent" routines. (Except for the first one.) ANSWER: Carnac The Magnificent/ QUESTION: Who won't be coming down for breakfast anymore? ANSWER: Gatorade. QUESTION: What does an alligator get on welfare? ANSWER: Bible belt. QUESTION: What holds up Oral Roberts' pants? ANSWER: Milk and honey. QUESTION: What do you get from a bee that has an udder? ANSWER: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday. QUESTION: Name three things you won't find in Los Angeles. ANSWER: Black and white and twenty feet tall. QUESTION: Describe Sister Mary Kong. ANSWER: Ben Gay. QUESTION: Why didn't Mrs. Franklin have any kids? ANSWER: An unmarried woman. QUESTION: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, 1952? ANSWER: Disjoint. QUESTION: What was dat hippie smoking? ANSWER: The Laughing Policeman. QUESTION: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? ANSWER: Dustin Hoffman. QUESTION: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. ANSWER: Until he gets caught. QUESTION: How long does a United States Congressman serve? ANSWER: Old wives tale. QUESTION: What do cannibals find hard to digest? ANSWER: Rub-a-dub-dub. QUESTION: What does a masseuse do to your dub-dub? ANSWER: Shareholder. QUESTION: What did Sonny Bono used to be? ANSWER: Skalliwags. QUESTION: What does your skalli do when it's happy? ANSWER: David Frost. QUESTION: On a cold morning what forms on your david? ANSWER: Head and shoulders. QUESTION: What do you see if you open the trunk of the Godfather's car? ANSWER: Hickory Dickory Dock. QUESTION: Who do you go to when you have a pain in your hickory dickory? ANSWER: "Rose Bowl." QUESTION: What do you say when it's Rose's turn at the bowling alley? ANSWER: That darn cat. QUESTION: Who ruined that darn rug? ANSWER: High rollers. QUESTION: Describe a stoned bowling team. ANSWER: Gunga din. QUESTION: What do you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga? ANSWER: "Follow the yellow brick road." QUESTION: What are good directions to a urologist's office? ANSWER: At both ends. QUESTION: Where do New Yorkers put their dogs muzzles? ANSWER: Igloo. QUESTION: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off? ANSWER: R-O-L-A-I-D-S. QUESTION: How does a stupid person spell "backgammon"? ANSWER: Grape Nuts. QUESTION: What are Ernest and Julio Gallo? ANSWER: Supervisor. QUESTION: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his eyes? ANSWER: Crabgrass. QUESTION: What do crabs get high on? ANSWER: Shake-N-Bake. QUESTION: Describe a double feature with Earthquake and The Towering Inferno. ANSWER: Blazing Saddles. QUESTION: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? ANSWER: Flypaper. QUESTION: What do you use to gift wrap a zipper? ANSWER: Deep freeze. QUESTION: Name an Eskimo porno film. ANSWER: Bedbug. QUESTION: What would Republicans use to eavesdrop on a hooker? Bye Johnny, thanks for the laughs.