Lard Bazaar

I wish someone would see off Jonathan Ross and that other waste of the licence fee, Russell Grant. Prats. Fame-hungry young bird sleeps with the world's biggest shagger, and then cries because he blabbed about it? If she was that bothered about what Grandpa would think she shouldn't have dropped 'em in the first place. She slept with him simply for the fame. I've got no sympathy for her, in fact I think it's f*****g hilarious. All these twatty Daily Mail readers up in arms - they should try getting worked up about something important. And has Andrew Sachs ever actually been in anything else apart from Fawlty Towers? Lardy, you are all heart!! I like it. As for Ross and Brand, what a couple of w**nkers. Brand is as funny as herpes and Johnathan "Mr Arse licker" Ross proves beyond doubt that the Beeb needs to be self funding. I do object to paying a licence fee that pays that knob ends wages. To clarify the career of Mr Sachs. I do recall a series that he was the lead in back in, I think the early 80s, which was so bad it was pulled from the schedules after one episode.Ironically, for this site, I believe it was called Dead Ernest, which was about a pools winner who dies on the night he collects the cheque. A Champagne cork hits him between the eyes. Yep, it was f*****g hysterical. Preeeecisely. People are going on like he's the bloody Queen Mother or something. He'll probably get a new ITV sitcom on the back of this.

I wish someone would see off Jonathan Ross and that other waste of the licence fee, Russell Grant. Prats. Fame-hungry young bird sleeps with the world's biggest shagger, and then cries because he blabbed about it? If she was that bothered about what Grandpa would think she shouldn't have dropped 'em in the first place. She slept with him simply for the fame. I've got no sympathy for her, in fact I think it's f*****g hilarious. All these twatty Daily Mail readers up in arms - they should try getting worked up about something important. And has Andrew Sachs ever actually been in anything else apart from Fawlty Towers?

I agree. My sister has been left with memory loss and a complete change in personality, for the worse.

My sister had a huge brain tumour removed last year, over the course of two very long ops within a week, followed by radio and chemo. My opinion is that it's delaying the inevitable. I hope I'm wrong.

If only - unfortunately I'm led to believe that LFN is considerably older than me, so there will be no briefs involved in our encounter, I can tell you. Charming!!

Why does he post and then disappear? I'm bored out of my tiny f*****g skull, I could really do with watching a good fight. In fact, I could really do with HAVING a good fight. Come on Banshees, come and tell us your views on vivisection, or Kerry Katona, or whether Burt Bacharach is any good.

Kuntz I love you.

Banshees, my little lovely, how wonderful to see you! For reasons that don't need going into here, I was reading through some very old posts earlier, and you were prominent in a lot of them. So, will you be traversing the pond to join us on our meet next week? I very much hope so.

If only - unfortunately I'm led to believe that LFN is considerably older than me, so there will be no briefs involved in our encounter, I can tell you.

Oh f**k, is that YOU that PM'd me offering to meet me? I thought it was Banshees, that's the only reason I agreed.

I have a very expandable sense of humor but to state the obvious, I'm not applauding. Should I feel inclined to direct irrelevant sh*t towards you from now on? From now on, following your posts, I should make a very spontaneous comment. It might be something like "Hey Berk, hows it going!" and it would only be a one liner at your level. (You know, Berk as in the rhyming slang "Berkely Hunt.") Maybe you'll also find that applaudable. I'm not a stepping stone to irrelevant posts which are intended to make me look like the asshole. Let's understand that. I've adjusted my posting style mainly because it had to be done and I'm advising that when relating to me, you do the same. I'm not going to imply that you should go f**k off for another three years and then come wondering back with off-topic one liners which are completely irrelevent. However, the pathetic attempts to insult me or something have reached the limit. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it. Adjusted your posting style?! You have gone and done a Wurzel Gummidge and swapped f*****g heads BS. Its like you have gone from being Robert Mugabe to Desmond Tutu. Amazing! You put a Wor after W, a Wor after O, a Wor after R, and it's away we go!

Why are you in a mood, Bllowie? Dad found out that his daughter isnt quite as sensible as he was led to believe. There is a local lad who is going to have his bollocks removed and shoved down his throat. Ouch. No, no!! Shes not in the pudding club, if she was Id kill him not feed him his bollocks. Thank goodness for that, or else I would have had to call you Grandad Blowie, and that would conjure up all sorts of unsavoury images in my mind.

Why are you in a mood, Bllowie? Dad found out that his daughter isnt quite as sensible as he was led to believe. There is a local lad who is going to have his bollocks removed and shoved down his throat. Ouch.

Why are you in a mood, Blowie?

I can't quite believe that nobody has been drunk, bored or psychopathic since JULY! That's bollocks. Well, just so you know, I'm well on the way to being very, very pissed, and I'm bored shitless, so can't we have a fight or something in here tonight? Where's Banshees spouting toss when you need him?

I'll definitely be on the lookout for some sausage. So, how about a quick headcount now that we are T-7 and counting? Who's coming? I am - so that makes 1.

Inevitably

Happy Birthday!

I think you've slipped in a little something extra in that platinum section. Please say you have

Blimey. I take it you'll be having a packet of Snak-a-Jacks and a digestive biscuit for tea then?

It sounds like the problem your bird has is reading out aloud what she's reading....... Is it a religious problem? Can any of us helpful souls "cure" her? Can we put Sunderland AFC fans in Room 101, please? They're always slagging the other fans off - particuarly their arch rivals Newcastle - who I've supported since I moved down here from Glasgow. Anubis the Jackal - if you don't stop writing such filth, I'll get your posts pulled. And what, may I ask, Is wrong with a bit of filth? Im quite partial to all that European filth from the 70s, dodgy background music and all. Anubis, I kinow I referred to Jilly - who you accurately described as divine - as my pet - because that is an affectionate nickname given to loved ones in the North East - or indeed in Glasgow. And Scot's not sleeping with Jilly - he's got his own girl - a nurse who works with me at the hospital. Scot hasn't been sleeping with Jilly. I've been screwing her all this time. f**k - so have I