Lard Bazaar

I'm really looking forward to it!

Can we please moderate the language on the Forum, please? My girlfriend often reads this and she doesn't like swearing. There isn't one swearword in that post you quoted. Here's a tip for your bird - if you don't like the swearing on this forum, f**k off to www.barrenmingedprudisholdfarts.com - I can highly recommend it. Of course, my post is pointless really, as we all know you haven't really got a girlfriend. I kow there isn't - because we don't swear. And will you please not use offensive language? Thirdly, Jilly is my girlfriend, NOT my bird. I do NOT go out with women who swear. I'm talking about the post you quoted, numbnuts. The post you quoted when making the original request to stop swearing HAS NO SWEARING IN IT! And what a shame you don't go out with women who swear - we could have made a lovely couple.

Can we please moderate the language on the Forum, please? My girlfriend often reads this and she doesn't like swearing. There isn't one swearword in that post you quoted. Here's a tip for your bird - if you don't like the swearing on this forum, f**k off to www.barrenmingedprudisholdfarts.com - I can highly recommend it. Of course, my post is pointless really, as we all know you haven't really got a girlfriend.

Happy Birthday Bansh....oops I mean The Philosopher.

Proof that he's still alive and well and playing regularly on the North Pier, Blackpool. Looks well old though.

Right, well having booked and paid a deposit on a room, my dirty weekend is now off (at least I was the dumper this time). Anyone want to come to Blackpool for the weekend? No, didn't think so - therefore my choices are a) don't go, and spend the weekend at home drinking wine and eating lard, whilst crying into my pillow. b ) go on my own and look like a sad loser. c) drag an unsuspecting member of the public into my car at knifepoint and make them pretend they are my lucky conquest for the weekend. Cast your votes.....now. Is it too late to put myself forwards? Can I be the unsuspecting member of the public? Will you promise to drag me into you car, drive me at an erratic high speed to Blackpool, throw me onto a bed and do unspeakable things to me? He who dares, he who dares! Well I suppose you'll have to do, nobody else has registered an interest I'll be happy if you took me to the Doctor Who exhibition (therefore completing a 29 year ambition - see earlier post) - then you can do with me what you will! Just for you...

Nutter. I read that, miserable git. All that fame that Thomas the Tank Engine brought him as obviously gone to his head. He used to be my favourite Beatle, but he can get stuffed now.

Have you clicked the box that says 'add a copy of this message to my sent items folder'? It doesn't automatically keep a copy. Ah, that may well be it. Thanks HCW

Why can't I find my sent PMs? I've been sending porn to another member via PM and need to refer back to it, but I have nothing in my sent folder. Any ideas?

BBC now saying brain tumour

You're on the popbitch mailing list too then?

Sorry, but can the sub-heading of this be changed, I keep looking at it and reading it as 'a good wank spoiled'.

Did you mean treat? On second thoughts, maybe you did mean threat....

BBC link for Bob Friend.

Aww come on now. I bet, deep,deep,deep down, you really miss him, dont you. No, absolutely not; dead, buried, relieved, moved on. This thread has brought back my twitch. Banshees is dead? I know he got on your tits LFN, and this is a death site and all, but don't you think killing him was a bit extreme?

Right, well having booked and paid a deposit on a room, my dirty weekend is now off (at least I was the dumper this time). Anyone want to come to Blackpool for the weekend? No, didn't think so - therefore my choices are a) don't go, and spend the weekend at home drinking wine and eating lard, whilst crying into my pillow. b ) go on my own and look like a sad loser. c) drag an unsuspecting member of the public into my car at knifepoint and make them pretend they are my lucky conquest for the weekend. Cast your votes.....now. Is it too late to put myself forwards? Can I be the unsuspecting member of the public? Will you promise to drag me into you car, drive me at an erratic high speed to Blackpool, throw me onto a bed and do unspeakable things to me? He who dares, he who dares! Well I suppose you'll have to do, nobody else has registered an interest I didn't reply, because I was planning to steal your lard and wine when you're getting nailed. At least you have faith that I AM going to get nailed! I would give up all my lard and wine for a regular porking.

Good call. I love the Proclaimers. They often play at a local music festival down my way, but I have yet to have the good fortune to see them. However my friend's ex boyfriend played in a band on the same bill as them, and he got their autograph for me. Which I have lost.

Ah, Banshees - you're back.

I sympathise. At this very moment, above the sound of my own television I can hear my next door neighbours Xbox, or whatever it is, he's playing some Star Wars game or something. The first time he played it and bombed something, I genuinely thought my house was falling down. My daughter regularly comes in from her bedroom (which does not even share a wall with the neighbour) and say 'wow mum can you hear the storm' - no love, it's next door's f*****g telly. I have tried to broach the subject politely, but they just laughed it off as he has a hearing problem apparently due to scuba diving. Lovely guy, but quite obviously deaf as a f*****g post. He and his wife also have very loud sex. Many's the night I've had to dig around in my drawers (!) for my ipod to drown out the sounds. Bastards. I'm getting none.

Frankie Boyle, the greatest living Scotsman, is nowhere near dying to my knowledge.

Right, well having booked and paid a deposit on a room, my dirty weekend is now off (at least I was the dumper this time). Anyone want to come to Blackpool for the weekend? No, didn't think so - therefore my choices are a) don't go, and spend the weekend at home drinking wine and eating lard, whilst crying into my pillow. b ) go on my own and look like a sad loser. c) drag an unsuspecting member of the public into my car at knifepoint and make them pretend they are my lucky conquest for the weekend. Cast your votes.....now. Is it too late to put myself forwards? Can I be the unsuspecting member of the public? Will you promise to drag me into you car, drive me at an erratic high speed to Blackpool, throw me onto a bed and do unspeakable things to me? He who dares, he who dares! Well I suppose you'll have to do, nobody else has registered an interest

I'm definitely picking her for next year. I often wondered what all the fuss was about her, she's a sh*t actress. That Albert Square death scene under the tree was the funniest thing I'd seen since she hit Arthur in the face with a frying pan for shagging Michael Aspel's wife.