Lard Bazaar

Surely the punchline of this 'joke' is missing?

Blimey, I didn't realise there was a real name for this, I just thought it was men with tiny cocks. At least now I will have some knowledgeable conversation to make next time I encounter one with such an affliction.

If you have to subtitle it, there's no point posting it. The same goes for all the other geniuses who feel the need to subtitle their own "oh, so clever" entries in this thread.

about his little habit.

Olivia Newton-John has got married again, after her boyfriend went missing a few years back - I wonder if she copped for any life insurance from him?

Fraserburgh has the unluckiest residents in the whole of the British Isles - they have my mum for a neighbour for a start.

And staying on the topic of sh*t, why is it that dog owners are generally required to pick up their dog's crap, but horse owners aren't? I live on an estate where horses are regularly ridden on the roads and footpaths, and many is the time I have had to negotiate a huge pile of steaming crap on the path - why shouldn't the riders have to pick it up, the same as dog owners? GET OFF YOUR HORSEY ASSES AND PICK UP THE sh*t! It's just as horrid to step in horse sh*t as dog sh*t when you're wearing your best white trainers.

Sympathies to you and your family

BBC obit

How should I know, I haven't had a shag in ages

I'm afraid, I agree. Pretty much everyone I mention DL to think its strange/morbid/creepy, my other half accuses me of killing people when a celeb on a deadpool dies (Charlton Heston for example). The only people I can discuss death with are the DL member who introduced me and my mum(altough she suggested Wendy Richards for last year). You obviously need some CUMBRIAN friends, it's split 50/50 at my work from those who'll punt in an opinion when I log on and tell them what's happening on the DL, and a few others who reckon it sick. Those with an interest feed me the odd nugget to post. I've put a couple of people onto the site via e-mail, dunno if they post, and they wouldn't know which poster I was. I quite often talk about DL at work, and whilst I think one or two people think it's slightly strange, in the main everyone thinks it's funny, and when a well-known name dies people often ask if they were on the list. And funnily enough, I'm always quite proud when I can say 'yes, they were'!

NNNNOOOOOOOOOO that vision in my mind is even worse now! My granny would never do such a thing!

For f**k's sake, that's two days in a row my dinner has nearly made a return journey. Just take a minute to genuinely and seriously imagine in your mind's eye eating a spunky custard cream - go on, really imagine it, imagine the taste, the smell, the texture - and I defy you not to feel at the very least slightly nauseous.

What a good job I clicked that link - I totally thought you were talking about someone really called David Cubehead, and was about to post what a brilliant name it was. I'm such a thick sh*t sometimes.

OK then, I'll fall for it...................... Why was he called buscuit? (*Dons tin hat while waiting for reply) Although I think I may have heard it in a previous life Edit - ooo, 'wank' didn't get censored - hurrah! It's because of that custard cream story - you all sit in a circle round a custard cream, have a wank over it, and the last one to shoot his load eats it - this is why they called him Biscuit, because he had to eat it. I'm assured this really did happen, although I do actually think that there is probably a Biscuit in every town. Either way, I was just about to have a peach, but I don't think I'm hungry now.

Me too. Although if the story starts with, ''You all sit in a circle.....'' and finishes,''.....last, has to eat it.'' Then I've already heard it. After just vomiting my dinner back up, I remembered that when we were younger there was a particular boy who everyone called Biscuit. I just merrily called him it for ages, and then one day actually thought to ask someone why he was called Biscuit. I was genuinely ASTOUNDED at the reason! And still am, in fact.

I feel that there should be no hard and fast rules about it - if you want to post, go ahead. I am fully aware that the majority of my posts are neither rivetting nor particularly informative, but I don't really care, I'm a member of the forum and as such I will post as and when - if you're not hurting anyone else, why not post when you like? I like reading everyone's posts (even if I don't necessarily agree with them), and there is a vast array of knowledge about a massive range of subjects here, I think it would be quite dull if posts were limited. Go with the flow, I say!

Now that is a f*****g lie Banshees and you know it - I still have the PMs you sent me in my inbox. I voted to keep you as you are quite entertaining, and really was not bothered about whether you were banned or not for the crap you spout, but you are blatantly lying when you say you don't send PMs so you can go and f**k yourself now for all I care.

Could be free next July

But isn't it making the news because seventeen people of in their late teens/early twenties have killed themselves in Bridgend, over and above the more average numbers of older inhabitants who ended their lives? No connection but definite cluster, hence the story. Rats. This always happens when I try to be clever. Hadn't spotted that flaw in the argument. I still think that it's media hype and I would bet (note the new element of uncertainty) that most suicides are from that age cohort. At last a subject I know something about. There is an 'imitation effect' in suicide. This was observed some years ago in Vienna where the rate of suicides through jumping under a tube train rose following its depiction in an Austrian radio serial (something like the Archers). After a few years it sank back to the historic level once more. There probably is a cluster in Bridgend. But nothing too dramatic. The dilemma is that publicity can increase the rate. So health promotion campaigns and media reporting could have an adverse effect. Publicity also effects the method chosen. So, in Bridgend, people could have chosen the publicised method of hanging, which has a high success rate, over the less dangerous but generally more popular choice of overdose. As for the figures above.......... expect 1 in 9,000 of the population to kill themselves in a given year. So expect 15 in Bridgend per annum. I'm too gutless to kill myself, but I often think that if I was going to, I could just go somewhere really cold like some mountains in Scotland, and just wear really thin clothes, and just lay down on a mountain and go to sleep, surely I would die then of hypothermia or something?

I don't think BS is bright or resourceful enough for the kind of skulduggery that might erode my edge. I don't feel anywhere near strongly enough for a fight in the car park [although I'd give myself pretty good odds on that, too]. I'd happily open a book on such a good old fashioned scrap, though, if anybody else fancies some hand-to-hand with what I imagine is a pretty scrawny and anaemic sample of half-masculinity. [um, how did I get drawn into all this....? ] I'll do it, I've got a great track record - Fights 1 Won 1 Lost 0 - I'm a dead cert.

I see flaws in this plan, which I won't point out lest I give Banshees any ideas - can't you just have a good old-fashioned fight in the car park?

I don't think anything massive will happen in our lifetimes that would wipe us all out, and I don't give an arse what happens after I'm dead. That is my highly knowledgeable and in-depth opinion.