Lard Bazaar

She gets to be a "Dame" because she sang Goldfinger? Damn you Brits aren't all that discriminating in awarding that title. We are not - it absolutely astounds and disgusts me that Kelly Holmes is a dame. She won a couple of running races. Whoopee sh*t. 'Dame' in Holmes' case is an absolute joke.

I would imagine you have to be quite tall to do that - in fact, you could do it with a stilt on.

Well I shall be there about Midday(ish). Last year I arrived at about 1.30ish and there were three members already there, others turned up during the course of the afternoon. Lardy, turn up anytime after midday, leave whenever you wish to. No set rules, turn up, go to the bar ask about the table reserved to me ( thats under my real name, Banshees you twat!) and the rest will be history. Oh, and could let me know whether you too have an exceedingly weak bladder, Ive two candidates, I need two more for a proper " to the Ladies Loo and back" relay team. Regards LFN I have a surprisingly large bladder capacity which can hold out for hours - however, once the seal is broken, that's it - I shall be going every half hour, on the half hour.

Can I ask, will this be an evening thing, or afternoon, or quite possibly both I suppose? Just so I know if I'm going to have to arrange some hideously priced overnight accommodation.

I thank you Banshees. I've been having a pretty sh*t weekend, but you have just cheered me up no end. I needed a good laugh, and you have just provided it. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Orderves.....

$4550 - but if they worked it out on a per pound basis, I'd be worth a fortune.

With much respect to your choices, LG, mine would be more along the lines of or a stocky man with a shaved head and goatee beard. I like a manly man. And if he's nicknamed DonkeyDick all the better.

Oooo loook, my first foray into the drunken world of the drunk thread. But there's nobody else here.....

I'd have to disagree with ya, there. Yes, he has weakened a bit, but his spirit is strong and the more each day passes, the more I'm convinced he can beat cancer. If he does overcome this, it would truly be one of the most inspirational stories of this year. We're rooting for you, Patrick. Not a chance. He'll be dead within six months, probably less. His spirit may be strong, but spirit and pancreatic cancer make for uneasy bedfellows. Oh pliease let him last just until next year, so that I may grasp one hit on the DDP, my selection this year is failing, why o why did I delist Arthur C Clarke?

I'll deffo give it a go in terms of turning up. The odd thing about some of my friends is that when I start to discuss celebrity death they think I should get out as well. I have oftened mentioned the DL at work, mostly I get sympathetic looks, but one or two of the ladies have now said that whenever they hear of a death on the news or in the paper, they think of me straight away, and wonder if I've scored any points. I'm spreading the celebrity-death love!

I might try and come this time, if it's a weekend where the kids are with knobhead. My friends keep saying I should get out and try new things and meet new people, and I'm sure a convention of people who discuss celebrity death is exactly the type of thing they mean.

He leaves hospital

Where has Bob Holness gone? He's not dead, and he's got f**k all to do with George Best, to my knowledge.

Can't we get some people it's fun to chat to on here? Where are my old friends GrimRita and Oneshot Paddy? Come on, guys! I miss chatting to you both. What's that supposed to mean? That I'm not fun to chat to? How very rude. That hurts me. Deep inside.

Well it's a f*****g sorry state of affairs when the Yorkshire Ripper can pull, and I can't. What is the world coming to, I ask you?

Either I've finally lost my marbles completely, or this thread no longer makes any sense. I'm completely lost. Who's Scott? Is he related to George Best? And was George Best a twin? And if so, with whom? And what's Bob Wilson got to do with anything? This is it, my time has finally come - I've moved permanently to reside in Looneyville.

I've found the reverse (so far). I seem to be surrounded by death this last year. One of my boyfriends' best mates was shot dead very publically last summer. My cat fell unexpectedly ill between Xmas and New Year, and died 10 minutes into New Years (we took the call from the vet with Auld Lang Syne still being played on the telly). And now I am about to go and visit my father who was diagnosed with liver cancer back in January. He had some chemo but the quackage tell him that the tumour is getting bigger, so they are taking him off the chemo as he is 74 and too frail to take it. So I am flying home to NZ this Sunday to spend time with him before he dies - I have no idea when that will be, no idea when I will return to my family in London. I started lurking on DL somewhere in the middle of all that lot: it seems to me that the contemplation of other people's potential demises is a helpful diversionary tactic from feeling one's own grief too deeply. So I reckon this will be one of the several places I will take refuge from the onslaught of waiting to see how my dad gets on (or not). I like Deathlist: I like its irreverence; the academicness (is that a word? it should be!) of the amazing research you lot of mad geeks actually DO into your unseemly passion; the acceptance that hijacking of threads into random other subjects will make no difference to the end product; and the attention to detail ... even the "heckling" of the Guests. Ah life/death/taxes/everything in between Good wishes for your trip to see your father :-) You may have read previously that my sister is ill with a cancerous brain tumour, one that is probably going to be the end of her sooner rather than later, so I kind of know some of what you may be feeling. Good thoughts to you and your family.

I wonder if there's a Squid Hospital anywhere, you know, like we have Hedgehog Hospitals and Teddy Bear Hospitals.

Never a truer word hath been spoken, Blowie. f**k em all, I can't be bothered with them any more anyway. They wanna piece of the Lard, they gonna have to work hard!

Fair point. I just wanted an excuse to call my soon-to-be-ex-husband an asshole. Not that I need an excuse, I suppose. Funny, all my important relationships have either been with extremely tall or extremely short men. The two tall ones are assholes, and the short one is dead. I wonder what this all means? Anyhow, I wonder who is most likely to die - tall or short people. Is it an option next year to put all the DL candidate's heights on the front page along with their age, occupation etc? We could gain some really important insight into the whole subject. Or am I just talking bollocks? When I did my "little people" theme team for DDP last year it was fairly easy to find aged short people. I ad a quick skeet around the web for older tall people and there weren't as many. Not sure what that means really I've never had a tall boyfriend, for some reason tall men just don't fancy me, oh well I'm very short, so I think the tall assholes I was with perhaps thought it would be easier to treat me like sh*t because I was small and perhaps wouldn't fight back as much as someone a bit taller. And no men, tall or short, fancy me any more. Woe is me.

Fair point. I just wanted an excuse to call my soon-to-be-ex-husband an asshole. Not that I need an excuse, I suppose. Funny, all my important relationships have either been with extremely tall or extremely short men. The two tall ones are assholes, and the short one is dead. I wonder what this all means? Anyhow, I wonder who is most likely to die - tall or short people. Is it an option next year to put all the DL candidate's heights on the front page along with their age, occupation etc? We could gain some really important insight into the whole subject. Or am I just talking bollocks?

Pop artist Robert Rauschenberg has popped his clogs.

Both my children's fathers are well over six foot tall, and they're both complete assholes. Is there a link, I wonder?

Bugger, if I'd known tits get that much attention I would have changed my avatar ages ago. Welcome hellkat. I'm also old and fat, so you're in good company. And I'd say you're far from blonde if you knew the little red thing was some Greek symbol - I just thought it was a random shape that whoever made the site wanted to put there - but then again, I am from Wiltshire. The only Greek symbol I recognise is the one on the kebab van outside Blockbuster Video.