Lard Bazaar

Mainly because there is a distance of 42 miles to be covered and it is the best option open to me as: 1: The railway line from Fraserburgh to Aberdeen was put out of service in the 1960s. 2: It is too far to walk. 3: I can't drive, it is expensive to learn, and expensive to maintain a car these days. 4: I don't know anyone to car-share with. 5: There is a shortage of accomodation in Aberdeen, and if I did find somewhere my savings would disappear and I'd have to work more than I already do. Thus I will have to continue travelling by bus. Get a bike - I know of one in Fraserburgh.

But dat Robbie iz fit, innit.

After a swift sideways move from the Old Codgers Being Pushed Over sector? They fell I tell you! I work in the Old Codgers general sector, which encompasses Falling Over/Being Pushed Over/Not Being Able to Wipe Their Own Asses. Although taking into account my change of domestic circumstances since that little episode, I could actually say that he pushed them over before beating the crap out of them and stealing their pensions - that way the divorce judge will see what an asshole he is and give me more money.

Dreary Barlow's mum fell over - OK, it doesn't look serious now, but once the old codgers have one fall, more are bound to follow....trust me, I work in the Old Codgers Falling Over sector.

Why don't you go take a chill pill, Bazarrr. I'm not exactly sure what I did to persuade you to make that comment but if you feel inclined to mention how you 'obnoxiously never agree with me' then it should no doubt be discussed. Oooo, give us a kiss, you big ole hunk o' love. And it's Bazaar. And staying on topic, that link of the old man-lesbian thing has put me off my tea. Especially Dana Carvey, that has really put paid to my admiration of his rendition of Foxy Lady.

Wasn't that a Red Hot Chili Peppers' album? Well that gets my vote for post of the year! Fantastic!

Does anyone ever feel that some people take this site and themselves far too seriously sometimes?

I was going to comment on him this morning after seeing him on Graham Norton last night (on the show, not actually ON Graham Norton) - he looks rough as guts. Tony Curtis, not Graham Norton. In fact I didn't know who it was at first as he did look like a bald woman. Possibly the one and only time I will ever agree with Banshees.

Wouldn't it have been more appropriate, not to mention slightly more fun, to celebrate with a wank? I don't often find your posts funny LB (no offense intendedr), but this did make me lol! Also yesterday a post of your make me laugh too. Maybe I am getting crazy? I would imagine you are getting crazy - that's much more likely than me getting funny. And no offence taken - I am completely aware that my posts here are neither informative nor chock full of laughs - but they keep me happy in my own small way.:-)

Sasquatch

Wouldn't it have been more appropriate, not to mention slightly more fun, to celebrate with a wank?

Howard Wilkinson used to be a PE teacher, I'm reliably informed by some obscure web forum

Ha, she's got just rid of one wrinkly old tit and now she's got another.

And lessons in public speaking from Joey 'The Legend' Deacon. And swimming lessons with Michael Barrymore.

If you can find a single news article relating to Barbara Kent in the past year (or five) then you're a better man than me, Gunga Din. Maybe, just maybe, and it's only a maybe, that's why her thread sees as much action as Stephen Hawking's cock. Sorry to go off topic, but Stephen Hawking's cock has seen a fair bit of action. He is sexually potent, has married, fathered three children, had an affair and married again. Lucky bastard, he's getting more than me. I can't find a shag to save my life. Mmmmm, I wonder..........has anyone got Hawking's phone number?

He came, he saw, he conquered, but did he dissemble? 'He has got British citizenship from the Home Office that says how old he is Charlie Mullins, managing director, Pimlico Plumbers' That made me chuckle - as if somehow it makes the claim that much more convincing, being vouched for by a plumber called Charlie.

Hurrah! To go slightly off topic, there are always teachers with a little freakish quirk! We were lucky - we had an abundance of spacky tutors. One was Mr Sandquest, the metalwork teacher, who had a wart on his tongue and would flick it out like a snake whilst saying in his Yorkshire accent 'Are ya with me?'. Another was Mr Ferris, the pottery teacher, who lost one of his fingers in, I think, a clay-pot-turning-thing accident - he looked like Captain Caveman and had a big dusty beard which he was always caressing with his three remaining fingers, and in the summer he would come up behind you on the pretext of looking at your work but was in actual fact looking down your shirt. Allegedly. Miss Lush (it's true) the science teacher, who allegedly had a wooden breast. So of course we would always say 'Miss Lush, wooden-tit be funny if.....' And finally, limping Mrs Asplin. Who had a limp. Nothing more. But an opportunity for much piss-taking nonetheless.

Kenny Baker is feeling better

My old gym teacher from middle school had fingers so thick he had to dial a (rotary back then) phone with a pencil. He was also the part-time school bus driver, and whilst reversing on our street one time he went down a six foot ditch with me still on board. Fortunately I escaped unarmed, but was too naive to realise I could have sued the school district back to the Middle Ages. Ron Krueger he was called, possibly one of the fathers of Freddie from Elm Street. Phew!:-) That reminds me of our maths teacher - his name was Mr Jones, but he was the spitting image of Freddie Starr. Somehow this got turned into calling him Freddie Krueger, and I remember getting into vast trouble for a) asking him outright if anyone had ever told him he looked like Freddie Starr, asking him if he realised that his fingers were bright yellow from too much smoking and c) instead of writing 'Mr Jones, Room M45, Maths' on my exercise book, I wrote 'Freddie Starr, Elm Street, Horror Film Studies'. Not particularly funny now, but pant-pissingly hilarious at the age of 13. And yes, our female PE teacher Miss Millard was definitely a rug muncher.

I don't know about yours Handy, but my old PE teacher would certainly get a local obit as he's also a dreary local councillor. He apparently used to eye up the boys going through the communal showers, but I'm led to believe that being proficient in the art of perving is a requirement on one's CV to secure a position in local education. Sadly for him his surname begins with a B, so inevitably he was called Bummer Brice.

Not a surprise, but I'm still quite shocked, if you know what I mean. And quite saddened. Whatever the rights and wrongs of how his girlfriend died, he was obviously very troubled afterwards, and I hope he is at some sort of peace with himself now.

Buttock.

I'm wondering what the record is for 'most replies on a thread AFTER the subject has died'?

Sowing? Anyhow, I prefer the upright, it's much easier for a short person like myself.