Lard Bazaar

Stupid little twats on their stupid little mopeds whizzing round and cutting you up like they own the road. Make no mistake you little retards, I won't brake next time, I WILL run you down, and I'll f*****g laugh while I'm doing it, you annoying little worms. And it won't be my bare arms scraping along the tarmac, because I will be safe in my car, and the only damage will be dents in my bonnet from your empty heads and a new paint job to cover up all your blood on my bumper. AAAAAAAAARRRRGHGHGGHGHGH TWATS!

Congratulations Lady Grendel, have a lovely day :-)

Well fair play to anyone that picked him, I think that's the sort of death that makes these pools a bit more exciting.

I think bears sh*t in the woods.

Hello BS, you came back then? Oh, but of course, you never really went away

That's bollocks, that is. How can every situation only have one outcome? Situation one - there is a donut on my desk. Possible outcomes 1 - I could eat it. 2 - I could not eat it. 3 - I could throw it out of my window. 4 - I could use it as a pin cushion. 5 - I could use it as a bracelet. 6 - Are you getting my drift? Apologies if I have missed something deep and meaningful here. Lardy I'm not convinced by your proposition. There's only one outcome for that donut on your desk. You're going to eat it. All the other possibilities are pure flights of fancy. You know me so well. I give in. Bansh....er I mean The Philosopher was right.

I think it's fairly obvious you're a teenager. Only teenage arrogance could inspire someone to call themselves "The Philosopher". Only teenage stupidy could make a post threatening violence then signing off with "peace". I'm sure you'll probably answer back that you're actually 24, but your posts have "teenager" written all over them. His posts have 'make me want to scream' all over them.

That's bollocks, that is. How can every situation only have one outcome? Situation one - there is a donut on my desk. Possible outcomes 1 - I could eat it. 2 - I could not eat it. 3 - I could throw it out of my window. 4 - I could use it as a pin cushion. 5 - I could use it as a bracelet. 6 - Are you getting my drift? Apologies if I have missed something deep and meaningful here. Yes, but no matter what you do, the universe eventually ends. Therefore, whatever you do with it, existence eventually ends, so there is only one outcome. Maybe that's what he's getting at, short term vs. long term? It may be good logic too - you don't have to worry about the ill-effects of eating the donut since, no mater what, the universe will end. Hell, forget the universe. You will die (eventually), that is the single outcome no matter what you do with the donut. I'm not saying I subscribe to this mode of thinking, just my guess as what our new member is getting at. Fair enough. However, I must disagree with two words of your post, and that will be the words 'new' and 'member' ;-)

That's bollocks, that is. How can every situation only have one outcome? Situation one - there is a donut on my desk. Possible outcomes 1 - I could eat it. 2 - I could not eat it. 3 - I could throw it out of my window. 4 - I could use it as a pin cushion. 5 - I could use it as a bracelet. 6 - Are you getting my drift? Apologies if I have missed something deep and meaningful here.

"Will to Live" I feel miserable Marriage-wreckers make me ill I feel miserable Cheeses tear at my foundations I feel miserable Slags are dragging me down to the depths of misery I want to die Is it because of Anthea Turner that I feel this way? With the black rays of misery pounding on my brain? Or am I lost in tale of Pam Ayres, adrift far from home I don't think so, I don't think so. Paul Broke My Will to Live Paul Broke My Will to Live Paul Broke My Will to Live I was getting better but then Paul Broke My Will to Live I feel miserable Ugly-husbands rot the flesh from my bones I feel miserable Hello-magazines defeat my purpose I feel miserable Debt-ridden-sisters are doing their best to impale my soul I want to die Is it because of Anthea Turner that I feel this way? With the black rays of misery pounding on my brain? Am I lost in tale of Pam Ayres, adrift far from home I don't think so, I don't think so. Paul Broke My Will to Live Paul Broke My Will to Live Oh God, Paul Broke My Will to Live I was getting better but then Paul Broke My Will to Live I like that link, well spotted!

Latest Big Brother auditionees rejected for being too normal.

Aaaaaarrrrghghghgh, despite the warnings I STILL opened the link! Am I mental?

What's Paul McKenna doing in this thread?

I'm not much of a football fan and had never heard of this guy, but still it is a shocking one.

Just another day of suburban bliss at the Lard Bazaar household... Eh? What's that got to do with me? Have I missed something?

Hope you've had a splendid day :-)

Cockspanner? Brilliant! I will, if I may, add that one to my repertoire.

When I was a buggy pusher it used to really piss me off when cars parked so far on the pavement that I was forced to push the youngun out into the road. So I took to holding my keys in my hand and forcing my buggy through the gap if possible, at the same time the keys in my hand would oh so accidentally scrape up the side of the car - if I could bust the wing mirror off at the same time, that was a bonus. That'll teach the selfish bastards. Jesus, I'm just remembering now how much it really does f**k me off, absolute f*****g w**nkers, the lot of them. Edit - why does w**nkers come up with 2 asterixes when there should only be one? Am I spelling w**nkers wrong? Should it be waankers?

I'm loving your picture, and your name, I wish I could have thought of something clever like that. I think you're trying too hard to please other people, so what if some don't like your picture? Stuff em! If you like it, have it.

34 next month. Stone, that is.

I'm quite old. And fat.

That's another picture for Up the Arse Corner in Viz! Happy Birthday!

Ahha, not going home!

My, my, she does look very deathly doesnt she! Amazing how her face seems to have elongated over the years to an almost grotesque mask like edifice. Lardy, my dear, that has to be one of the tackiest web based "celeb gossip" mags around. It actually makes OK magazine look classy. I know, it's awful isn't it, you should read the links where people can comment on the stories, so bad it's funny. But if I didn't look at that site, I wouldn't have seen how melted Nancy Reagan looks :-) And I have no friends, which I think is essential criteria to look at that site.

Nancy Reagan looking rough at Merv Griffin's funeral.