Lard Bazaar

Is he? Or isn't he?

Many happy returns Josco :-)

I'm ashamed to say I just logged on to the news and let rip a hearty 'YEEESSSSS' - and was rewarded with a look of pity when I explained the reason for my exclamation of joy.

Damn, I feel a bit of a tit now.

Oh do tell who you played - Dr Kildare? Dr Findlay? Dr Who? Share!

He's going home

You've never been to Stafford then. You, clearly, are both very hard to please. Come to Trowbridge. Apparently (and I'm not sure how true this is, but I believe it) they made a documentary in the eighties about how Trowbridge was the glue-sniffing capital of Britain. Someone recently changed our 'Welcome to Trowbridge' signs to 'Welcome to Poland' because of the number of foreign workers that have descended upon our fair town. There was also talk that at one point we had more murders per square mile than New York (I might have got that wrong though). Full of teenage single mums wearing crop tops even though they weigh 16 stone. We have had a pile of rubble standing in the middle of town for god knows how long while the planning people decide whether to let us have a cinema or not (we are the County Town of Wiltshire), and wherever there is a free 2 square foot of land they build 'townhouses'. It really is an absolute f*****g hole. And I know, I've lived here 24 years. And the only famous person to come out of Trowbridge is that fat sweaty slug Steven Lee, the snooker player.

That is really sad news. He was undoubtedly the best British Rock Music manager ever.(Don't bring up Messrs Epstein and McLaren to me).I think my favourite story about him is the band he liked but never signed called Barabus. So called because the could ask the crowd "Who do want?" . to which they would reply "We ant Barabus". I'm not sure I follow the Barabus bits, are there words missing or am I just missing the boat? I didn't get it either. But I agree with the above sentiments, a shame that he's gone.

'Grghgghururghghlglughgelguh' - Michael Hutchence.

You missed 'thank goodness' off the end of your sentence. I quite liked them as a kid, not sure I would now though. I agree with LG on this one though The Two Ronnies are probably my faves unless you iclude ventriloquists and their dummies in which case it's Shari Lewis and Lambchop I always used to groan when my dad would put the Two Ronnies on, but now I'm older, I can appreciate them much more - so clever, I particularly like it when they do a song, such clever word play.

You missed 'thank goodness' off the end of your sentence.

to perpetuate in fame You're wasting your time with this mouth-breather, NAP. It ain't looking good, is it? What is a mouth-breather - I've heard the expression many times but never really knew exactly what one is?

Admitted to hospital

Madam, I sincerely apologise from the heart of my bottom. Bearded f*****t. Actually, I did in fact used to work for a Virgin company and met him a few times, seems a nice enough bloke. It's a shame that his companies employ f*****g 15 year old dickwads for managers. Absolute f*****g W**nkers. The whole lot of them. All want shooting. FIX MY f*****g PHONE!

Virgin f*****g Media. W**nkers. I get home from work today, my phone line is dead. I try the phone upstairs, that one's dead too, so I deduce that the phone line is faulty. I phone them up. 'There's nothing wrong with your line, it must be your phone', they say. 'I don't think it is my phone, I've tried two phones in the socket, and still no line', I say. 'There's nothing wrong with your line', they say again, because of course I'm stupid and didn't hear them the first time. So I ring off, ask my neighbour to borrow her phone, and she takes mine, and I try her phone in my socket, no line. She tries my phone in her socket, absolutely fine. Then my daughter tells me 'oh yeh Mum, Virgin were digging up next door's (other side) garden today', so I ask other next door 'why were they digging up your garden', and other next door says 'our phone line was broke', so I say 'mine's broke now', so I ring VM back up. Get a f*****g Indian call centre this time. Explained that the line was down, I'd tried 47 different combinations of phone and socket, it's definitely a line fault and what a coincidence that before they dug up next door's garden my phone was fine, and after they dug up my neighbours cables my phone line is broke - 'well that's not necessarily what's happened, we will come and fix it - NEXT f*****g TUESDAY.' So I get six days of no phone all because their fat sweaty 12 year old numb nut of a workman DUG MY f*****g CABLE UP BY MISTAKE. Bunch of c**ts. Absolute f*****g wanking bastards. I hate them. I want all of my money back that I ever paid you. Now. I'm rather tired now.

The beginning of the end, according to my calculations, would be around July the third 2005. Thanks. You hand me far more credit than I'm due. Perhaps you could organise a cull of anyone who posts more than once a week? How's your slutty workmate? Shagged her yet or are you still wiating for her to see sense? I've come to the conclusion that she is mad. Last week she told us that she was down in London last year. Whilst there, she went clubbing with Princes William and Harry, and had drinks with a crowned Queen. As well as that, the Queen Mother was also there - quite odd given that she died 4 years before hand. Besides - she only goes for older men. Or should I say it is only older men who go for her - if you catch my drift. Have you shagged my mum yet? No. Although going by your discription, I did hear that she had been causing quite a bit of fuss in our harbour. I'll wager that your harbour visitor smelt nicer than my mum. Is this the record for the most quotes in a post yet? Depends. Is there a category for that in the monkey awards? don't know but I thought I would add this to get us nearer the record. If one exists... Isn't this just chain-post whoring? It could be like the Seven Wonders of Deathlist. The Drunk? Bored? Pyramid, the Great Thread of Dicky O' etc. In answer to honez question, no - it wouldn't. Oh, okay. Just thought I'd ask. It's nice to ask Damn, I came in drunk at 345 this morning and forgot to post on the Drunk? Bored? thread. So I best do it now instead. Bum, what happened there?

The beginning of the end, according to my calculations, would be around July the third 2005. Thanks. You hand me far more credit than I'm due. Perhaps you could organise a cull of anyone who posts more than once a week? How's your slutty workmate? Shagged her yet or are you still wiating for her to see sense? I've come to the conclusion that she is mad. Last week she told us that she was down in London last year. Whilst there, she went clubbing with Princes William and Harry, and had drinks with a crowned Queen. As well as that, the Queen Mother was also there - quite odd given that she died 4 years before hand. Besides - she only goes for older men. Or should I say it is only older men who go for her - if you catch my drift. Have you shagged my mum yet? No. Although going by your discription, I did hear that she had been causing quite a bit of fuss in our harbour. I'll wager that your harbour visitor smelt nicer than my mum.

Does this count?

The beginning of the end, according to my calculations, would be around July the third 2005. Thanks. You hand me far more credit than I'm due. Perhaps you could organise a cull of anyone who posts more than once a week? How's your slutty workmate? Shagged her yet or are you still wiating for her to see sense? I've come to the conclusion that she is mad. Last week she told us that she was down in London last year. Whilst there, she went clubbing with Princes William and Harry, and had drinks with a crowned Queen. As well as that, the Queen Mother was also there - quite odd given that she died 4 years before hand. Besides - she only goes for older men. Or should I say it is only older men who go for her - if you catch my drift. Have you shagged my mum yet?

No and no. Curious - bollox, research purposes - bollox. A high percentage of the population have morals and know right from wrong without having check that wrong is in fact wrong. I'm sorry but I have to disagree with most things you've said and if any download was by accident I hope people would have the gaul to report the relevant sites to the authorities. I guess I'm not a serious internet user if what you say is true but I hope I am not the only one. I am of the mind that NOT everyone on this board has downloaded such filth as you suggest. I cannot be sure as that would involve assuming, which as I've said before makes an ass of u and me. You are definitely not the only one Monoclonic, I have never seen these vile images either, I've never even come across a link to them on anything I have viewed on the internet. What's a 'serious' internet user - I've never seen child pornography, or accidently come across it, or whatever - although I have seen the video of Saddam coming to an end. Does that make me a weirdo - I don't know, maybe it does. I think someone else might have said this (forgive me, I've just woken up) but in my very humble opinion, if one needed to 'research' this subject, would they not go to one of the relevant authorities or organisations to gather information, rather than doing it on your own PC on the internet - everyone surely knows the risks of doing something like that on your own personal computer? And I'm afraid this 'I was abused' crap doesn't wash with me - if one was abused as a child that is awful, but there surely comes a time when you grow up and realise what is right and what is wrong? Perhaps I'm looking at things too simply.

Brings a new light to youTUBE

I'll wager that it's not his windpipe he puts candles in. Lard, this thought did occur to me as I formulated my post, but I thought I would leave it to someone with a more depraved mind than myself to post it! It is a windpipe of sorts What I meant to say is it is a sort of windpipe. - I blame the French for messing with my word order logic. A bit off topic, but strangely enough, Mr LB has had to go to the doctor today, and it transpires he has a bowel problem and is going to have to have a camera up his windpipe. I wonder if Elton's ever done that?

I'll wager that it's not his windpipe he puts candles in.

That made me chuckle out loud, despite my massive headache. Thank you

I watched The Simpsons yesterday, which was quite funny.