Lard Bazaar

Are 'dumps' the same thing as bumps? I should jolly well hope so - in my house if someone gave you 100 dumps on your birthday, you'd give them a punch squarely on the nose.

He doesn't need surgery to get an artificial anus - there's a little shop down an alleyway behind Woolworth's in my town that sell them at very reasonable prices. So I'm told.

courtesy of eMedicine.com: With its relatively small diameter, lack of bony shielding, and close association of the airway, spinal cord, and major vessels, the human neck is uniquely vulnerable to life-threatening compression and distraction injuries. Throughout recorded history, various methods of strangulation (ie, disruption of normal blood and air passage in the neck) have been used by assailants and penal systems to injure or kill. A hanging involves being suspended by the neck and can be classified as either "complete" or "incomplete." When the whole body is hung off the ground and does not touch the floor or platform at the end of the drop, the hanging is said to be complete. Incomplete hangings imply that some part of the body is touching the ground. Hangings also may be classified by intent (eg, homicidal, suicidal, autoerotic, accidental). Simple asphyxiation is not the cause of death in the majority of hanging injuries. In addition to the disruption of blood to the brain, associated cervical spinal disruption secondary to the forces involved in the hanging are almost uniformly fatal. Significant cervical spine and associated injury to the spinal cord occurs in hangings that involve a fall from a distance greater than the body height. from Wikipedia (in this case I think it's OK ): The long drop This process, also known as the measured drop, was introduced in 1872 by William Marwood as a scientific advancement to the standard drop. Instead of everyone falling the same standard distance, the person's weight was used to determine how much slack would be provided in the rope so that the distance dropped would be enough to ensure that the neck was broken. Prior to 1892, the drop was between four and ten feet (about one to three meters), depending on the weight of the body, and was calculated to deliver a force of 1,260 lbf (5,600 newtons or 572 kgf), which fractured the neck at either the 2nd and 3rd or 4th and 5th cervical vertebrae. However, this force resulted in some decapitations, such as the famous case of "Black Jack" Tom Ketchum in New Mexico in 1901 (see illustration). Between 1892 and 1913, the length of the drop was shortened to avoid doing so. After 1913, other factors were also taken into account and the force delivered was reduced to about 1000 lbf (4,400 N or 450 kgf). Body weight; 1888-1913 drop; Modern drop 14.0 stone (196 lb, 89 kg); 8 ft 0 in (244 cm); 5 ft 5 in (165 cm) 13.5 stone (189 lb, 86 kg); 8 ft 2 in (249 cm); 5 ft 6 in (168 cm) 13.0 stone (182 lb, 82¾kg); 8 ft 4 in (254 cm); 5 ft 8 in (173 cm) 12.5 stone (175 lb, 79½kg); 8 ft 6 in (259 cm); 5 ft 11 in (180 cm) 12.0 stone (168 lb, 76¼kg); 8 ft 8 in (264 cm); 6 ft 1 in (185 cm) 11.5 stone (161 lb, 73¼kg); 8 ft 10 in (269 cm); 6 ft 4 in (193 cm) 11.0 stone (154 lb, 70 kg); 9 ft 0 in (274 cm); 6 ft 6 in (198 cm) 10.5 stone (147 lb, 66¾kg); 9 ft 2 in (279 cm); 6 ft 8 in (203 cm) 10.0 stone (140 lb, 63¾kg); 9 ft 4 in (284 cm); 7 ft 1 in (215 cm) 9.5 stone (133 lb, 60½kg); 9 ft 6 in (290 cm); 7 ft 5 in (226 cm) 9.0 stone (126 lb, 57¼kg); 9 ft 8 in (295 cm); 7 ft 7 in (231 cm) 8.5 stone (119 lb, 54 kg); 9 ft 10 in (300 cm); 7 ft 9 in (236 cm) 8.0 stone (112 lb, 51 kg); 10 ft 0 in (305 cm); 8 ft 0 in (244 cm Thank you. This has reassured me that I must be too fat to be hanged, as it only goes up to 14 stone. Late last night I followed a link from up above somewhere and had a good old read last night about various methods of execution. Then I had a dream that I was smashing someone's face in. I don't know if there is a connection between the two events.

I don't get it. Surely if the rope was too long, his feet would have hit the ground and he wouldn't be dead, just a broken ankle, perhaps?

Just slightly off topic, but what an exciting final it was tonight!

http://deathbeeper.com/8778821.html A I Bezzerides - Hollywood screenwriter's pen has run out. Edit - Sorry - have just realised this may be elsewhere already.

Here is the BBC link BTW, it says that she pulled out of her Manchester gig due to the 'flu', so it does not sound like anything of great concern. That's good news - last night when I posted it didn't say anything about flu, just 'illness'. I sympathise with her - my throat is raw and my face is full of snot today too. What? This is the DeathList Forum! I hope you feel better* soon LB *unless you are a celebrity in disguise! I know, I know - but I just feel that if God has to take one of our youthful pop queens, can't it at least be Britney? Perhaps I'm not cut out for this death thing after all.......

Here is the BBC link BTW, it says that she pulled out of her Manchester gig due to the 'flu', so it does not sound like anything of great concern. That's good news - last night when I posted it didn't say anything about flu, just 'illness'. I sympathise with her - my throat is raw and my face is full of snot today too.

Kylie's pulled out halfway through her Manchester gig due to 'illness'. - It's on the BBC ticker but I can't make it link - sorry. But it's there.

Well that's a much better post than the usual 'hey u twats y don't u all die pete's a genius and u are all nobs'.

Ooo she'll be able to hang out permanently with Tom and Katie now. I'd bet on a conversion to Scientology in the near future.

Some people have no sense of adventure.

I'd help. I know nothing technical but I love typing lists and have a solid background in clerical and administration duties.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/other_spor...rts/6242757.stm He's pulled out of his match with breathing difficulties.

Mario Danelo, US footballing guy, dead at the bottom of a cliff. http://deathbeeper.com/8149421.html

I think he bigged himself up in the short introductory film that preceded each celeb entry into the house. Yes I did watch it. Ah, that may be it then - I think I was in the kitchen spreading cheese when that bit was on. Either way, none of the people in there has gripped me enough to want to watch it.

At the risk of revealing that I actually watched Celebrity Big Brother the other night, I don't think Ken did actually describe himself as Britain's best known film director - I believe Davina described him as that. In the house, as new housemates were arriving, he was describing himself as 'just some old film director', or words to that effect. Admittedly I was eating large amounts of celery and Laughing Cow cheese at the time, so I may have misheard and will happily stand corrected.

Perhaps they've put him in there purposely to try and blag the first Big Brother Onscreen Death.

Sounds like my kind of man. Rock on dude.

Well I may as well join the fun and reveal my losing team. Arthur C Clarke Norman Wisdom David Crosby Harry Belafonte Phyllis Diller Roger Bannister Billy Graham Kirk Douglas Prince Philip Michael Foot Margaret Thatcher Bernard Manning Gloria Stuart Pete Doherty - joker Lady Bird Johnson William Deedes Marc Almond Luciano Pavarotti Diego Maradona Muhammad Ali I hereby claim the Wooden Spoon prize

Dammit - I entered my team a few days ago, including Marc Almond, and lo and behold, the blighter is on Jools Holland bopping away like there's no tomorrow, not 30 minutes into the New Year. The only thing that looks near death about him is his teeth.

It's my first time too, and I am always crap at competitions so I may well find myself residing at the bottom with you. Good luck!

I thought exactly the same.

I believe you will find the medical term is scrotum. If I was to call then over patriotic scrotums, I fear you would miss the point. Should we be discussing their points as well? That sounds a bit vulgar, especially with sensitive ladyfolk around. I'm only sensitive about that because I've reached the age where mine aren't very pointy anymore. *sniff* I've never seen a pointy scrotum. In fact, were Mr Lard's scrotum to become pointy, I would be most alarmed and dispatch him to the local surgery forthwith.

And a French songwriting chap, Pierre Delanoe. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6212481.stm