Josco

OK, I've read it all (a quiet moment at work) and it is all becoming clear. It's just a storm in a teacup, nothing more.

I think it's Ruth Kelly. Her real name is Rodney. My source says it is Gordon.

Maybe IYG is Banksy. After all, I've never seen them together.

Sad to say he is not going to leave us just yet, but one can but hope. I mentioned in another thread about the rumours of a very high up member of the cabinet being a cross-dresser, but this particular thread had not been started then.............. It didn't get much reaction then either.

Oh Ronnie, I'm disappointed. What about service to Queen and country, Noblesse Oblige and all that? Taking the cash is so vulgar. Mind you, the sooner the C**t goes the better.

Charlatans! And cheats. I have a certain appreciation for people who really believe (through self-deception) that they have supernatural abilities, but the ones who make money with it know full well they're cheats. regards, Hein There is a TV show with a man who claims he is phycic, I hate to admit that I forget his name but i've only watched it two or three times. He connects with the dead and shares words of the spirit to the greiving loved ones. He seems very accurate and they say his readings are exceptional. If you want to believe a person who claims they are phycic, this just might be the man. But I figure he has some way of reading people, once he wins there trust it shouldn't be that hard for them to believe what he says. Although there are some things this man has talked about, this he could have never knew. I remain confused... pah, psychics. Complete load of crap. They should be ashamed of themselves... I knew you were going to say that. Too warm for a coat, so I'll just go now, OK?

Quite right AtJ, lets have a closer look, preferably in the flesh. Sort it out my good man.

You are remarkably well informed Ronnie, care to divulge your source (as opposed to sauce )

Click to enlarge, Mr Josco. Yes I did.

It's the old story, Boy meets Girl.....etc etc and then ends up with boy just wanting to get his rocks off. My advice is eat the food (if you like it) and then tell him to F**k off.

Do share.

Mrs Josco is out with the little J's, and I have just got in from an early doors... Nearly wet myself with some of the God's bakery jokes. Fantastic stuff.

This arrived in my Email the other day, and I wanted to share it with everyone.... With no apologies to anyone... A satirical tale not for the politically correct....................... REST OF THE WORLD VERSION: The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. THE END THE BRITISH VERSION: The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food. The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London. In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrels' taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrels food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper. Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs. The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempt bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards. A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrels' food, though Spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers drug 'illness'. The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK. The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery. A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats. The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a minister. The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to sell their homes to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds. THE END

Not just Small Computer Systems Interface, but some of us larger ones too.

My theological knowledge is a little rusty, but I seem to recall that this Jesus chappy actually turned water into wine. Not sure what he would do with the bread, but a friend of mine once told me (in confidence!) that bread dipped in milk was an interesting onanistic experience.

I have an insatiable desire to correct spelling errors.

Ditto. I read OoO's update in the Ideas/Possibilities/Names thread and thought momentarily that Captain Beefhart had died. If I'm not mistaken this is Paul Fentener van Vlissingen (yes, he had a double-barreled family name), owner of SHV, a company much reviled in the Netherlands, at least by those with a leftish political bent. In the 80s several SHV's Makro shops were torched because that company had considerable investment in South-Africa. Eventually those investments were withdrawn. regards, Hein He also had an obituary in the Daily Telegraph (A UK Gentlemens' newspaper).

Does anyone want to declare their fame? You first.

First of all the king should not be mentioned as a fat old bugger, you poor english orphan, from the poor disgusting gutters of east London! You who has no bases for control in your puny little existence, and no regard for higher authority like royalty. You who has no idea what royalty is all about, you pompous little creep from the most overcrowded, overrated part of the world! My name is none of your business! Hail to the King of Tonga! May you be rembered by those who deserve to live in your memory! Sorry Jack, but I referred to the the Fat Old Bugger as a term of endearment in a colloquial sense, and I did not mean it literally. A few other points: I am neither poor nor an orphan (yet), but I am English. Nor am I from the East of London, but I will concur that some of the gutters there may be a little unsavoury. As for my puny little existence, I should imagine that could apply to everyone of us on this relatively little planet within the vastness of the universe. I do know what royalty is about, but I do not feel that this is the time or place to discuss my thoughts on the matter, but I have been called a pompous little creep many times and such comments do not dismay me in the slightest. Your observations regarding the UK as an overcrowded and overrated country are spot on as I have remarked many times before in this and other fora, well done. Kind regards Josco

Boudicca, The only thing I can think of is that a former Moderator deleted that simliar thread. It probably deserved to be canned; I don't think the Mods would make a mistake in that regard. Having only been here just over a day myself, though, I'm not qualified to say. Glad to be of help. Do you mean that the offending moderator should be sealed in an airtight metal container, or judging from your previous answer, caned with a rod or stick?

I know, but then I also know Dave....and he's a very naughty boy. So is he Dave who is Slave to the Grave?

I can't recall the exact figures, but it seems similar to the late (un)lamented Linda McCartney & family moving her tax affairs so as to save almost the same amount that the 1st Live Aid raised. Plus ca change.......

Absolute bollox............ The twat is from Wales

As you've posted in the 'English language' thread, perhaps I should point out here that on following the link to your new site, I notice you've mis-spelled the word 'independant'. sh*t, how did that happen? Which incompetant fool designed it? Oh it was me!

Perhaps it should be: All of us are smarter than one of us. Then again, the idea of a suggestion box is just naff.