Monoclinic

Mr/Mrs Onthedoor, Can I point out the word is predictable not predictible and aren't not arn't. I hate to correct you twice in a post. There is a very useful utility called “Microsoft Word” that checks your spelling. Now if you leave your address such that I can send my invoice for this invaluable information, it will help prevent your embarrassing spelling problem. Should you have any other problems the Grim Reaper will be round to facilitate a solution as you have usefully given your address. However I am not sure how much he charges for his services. Dear Saint Peter, have you any idea how much Microsoft Word costs? No? Neither have I, but I'm pretty sure it's quite an expensive way of checking your spelling. If you use Firefox you can get a spell checker add on (in British English) for free. But that would be unlikely to interest our ranting friend. Dear Notapotato, Thanks. I now feel cheated by one Mr Bill Gates. Actually we all probably do ... A lot more than Openoffice. Although I admit to benefitting from the "real deal". Rom 101 moment - I've a new comp in English set up by the Francophone IT dude. Somewhere along the line the . and , issue in numbers has been neglected. Using Excel, which as we all know is complete shite at best, now seems to be a complete arse. Transfering data to Origin seems to result in extra zeros being added or taken away at random and makes my day a lot more tiresome. (You can come back in the room now)

I tampered with some crucial settings. It didn't pay off. At least now I know. On another note, I have just seen how to change the shirt numbers (I know, it's quite late in the day and all). Seems I've too many players whose favourite number is 9 or 10. Which in one case when you're a defender it's just wrong! Anyway, I fiddled with that too. I'm not a bitter loser. I don't think the referee was Scandanavian. So HCW, congratulations. Fancy a friendly rematch this Friday, your place?

I couldn't help but think of 'allo 'allo yesterday as his strong Germanic accent came through as he spoke English in an address at a Holocaust memorial in Israel. I admit to having had an inappropriate uncontrollable sN-word.

Nine year old boy fires shotgun in Norwegian school. He failed to kill anyone, but the lad has potential. DDT, have you had your psychic powers tested? Thankfully this is not a school but still little consolation.

Thank-f**k! TYVM has logically reasoned that Nietzsche was indeed wrong and there is, after all, a God. A* that man. IMHO and all that.

An ex-colleague who now works in France (and incidentally happens to be French) popped in today, keen to mention he was on a bank holiday. He mentioned how they'd teased their German colleague telling him he still had to go to work!

Im guessing that there is no alternative to watching the Beebs News bulletin? It is a bit wank, isnt it. Im sure you are not referring to the gorgeous and delicious Susanna Reid, she of the BBC Saturday morning breakfast news. MMMM!!! And if it's Celina Hinchcliffe you're talking about, it'll be "outside now!" Saw it again today, her name is Ellie Crisell. Had a look on Wikipedia and yes she is of Newsround stock. Apparently they've dropped the "John Craven's".

I'm afraid bricks aren't molecular (= discrete entities, in the solid state held together by intermolecular forces i.e. everybodies favourite, Van der Waals). Bricks are made of clays/minerals so we'd have to go crystallite. A geographer at uni used to say all maths is addition, mainly to wind somebody up but it never worked seeing as all geography is colouring in. I'm going to take that on board and say all arts boil down to science. Pigments, harmonics, bricks and pigeons. Science as they say in ancient Rome is knowledge and knowledge is power, mwah ha ha (nabbed from honez)

Controversially about 12,000 years ago. Anthropologist speak for some diminutive Hominid apparently. Perhaps Banshees is coming around to the idea that we are decendants of apes. Yes, I was naïve and foolish to doubt Professor Banshee. Talking of the devil, it seems to be all quiet on the Banshees front. Perhaps he has got himself a boy/girlfriend. Or just another direction to focus his wank towards.

There, that's better... Sorry about the nationality thing. He's obviously flagrantly pretentious and overrated, and seeing how s/he's USAn, that'd make 'em a cockwrench. Call that minimalist? 10 (TEN) holes. Tsk, tsk. Thanks to this picture I learnt that bits of red brick are good for the digestive system of the pigeon.

Very commendable to be above board Godot, as you probably gathered I'm not. It's far easier to find the artists and labels who wouldn't miss a bob or two online but that's by no means a valid excuse I guess. I think I have a Scottish gene. Anyway my input to the mainstream post 1979 music I've enjoyed would go something like this: I too go with LBs idea of best ofs seeing as 10 is the limit, then if you like what you hear you can go back for more! The Smiths - Singles (Thomas the Tank Enginesque) Massive Attack - Old enough to have a best of (probably) Manic Street Preachers - Forever Delayed And my foreign entry (excluding the Scissor sisters): And I duly apologise to anyone who has clicked any of the links, we can't help what we like now can we?

10 CDs won't get you very far. When you say you don't want to download MP3 tracks is that because you like the plastic and paper artwork that comes with it? If not and your morals are of a dubious nature then there is more than one way to skin a cat by looking outside of the HMV Amazon Itunes download ring. Without bringing the DL into disrepute, I suggest you ask your kids about it. It would probably earn you cool dad kudos points too. These however may or may not: "Hello Doctor" - Gravy Train!!!! "Metridium Fields" - Giant Squid EDIT: There has to be some deathlister virtual mix "tape" competition out of this. Though I believe an LFN mix tape will only go as far as 1984

Even managed a match at the weekend All in a good cause, solidarity in administration and all that. Rumours are that Chester are considering it too H, bloody recession. Although it's slightly ironic he is supporting a team nicknamed the Quakers. Have you ever tried to obtain alcohol in a place like Bourneville? Oh well let's raise a glass to Gazza and to Temperance.

Now come to think of it I'm pretty damn sure it is Lady G's birthday today and as luck would have it, it's also my birthday. Oh and happy b'day FF, TLC (and HJT too!)!

I never realised God had such a downer on cigarettes. Can't remember it being mentioned in the bible. Looks like TF missed a post here, unless his magnum opus to replace all posts with a . is WIP. Anyway, seems like the UK have seen fit to bar entry to the pastor of the DL's least favourite church. Though I am not sure why the government have chosen to publicise the fact they are banning people entry before they have committed a crime or the fact that the list actually contains 24 names but we are only responsible enough to cope with 16 of those names. Here's hoping that 17-24 contains a George W Bush Jr. Any other suggestions? PS: I don't actually see how coming to the UK, land of Portsmouth, is a priviledge. Anyone care to elaborate?

Ah satire you say, mea culpa, I see now how hilarious your post actually is. Thank-you for letting me see the light. Mods can you remind me how that ignore function works again?

f**k off

You really are a wind up merchant aren't you. How do you come up with all this bullshit? Patrick Swayze, end of an era? I'm sorry but his death would not be the end of an era for bad acting, Hollywood has plenty more where he came from. As for my childhood dying when he goes there are two contradictory statements in your above post. Childhood dying and memories staying forever. I have memories of my childhood which will stay forever thus by that reasoning my childhood is "alive". If my childhood is "dead" then it has been "dead" ever since I became an adult. I very much doubt childhood would turn round and say to me your 31, Swayze's dead then so am I. If in your world it does then I think your prescription has run out. As for adoring and worshipping Swayze, again you must be joking. Not all females grow up in sheer adorartion of some pelebrity or other. Just because (in general) you put posters on your wall as a teenager does not in any way mean you then kneel at the altar of pelebrity idolatry. Whilst I'm at it I didn't like Tom Cruise either.

Did I ever mention my plan to Annex Southampton and Rucunt Lowe to Greenland? Still bitter about the f*****g jolly hockey sticks arse bandit who has single handedly ruined our club. CUFC v Saints is not a guaranteed fixture, we still don't have a buyer and there are only so many charity matches and fan whip rounds they can do to pay the wages.

In a similar vein to Godot's earlier question on how many deaths due to AIDS in Africa: I was talking about the flu with a biologist friend of mine yesterday who was armed with some interesting statistics on malaria. I found this site to try to share this. Ignoring the debate on DDT, the fact he brought up was that 1 person dies from malaria every 12 seconds. That's ONE DEATH every 12 SECONDS and precisely how much media air time does this killer disease get? Precisely, it doesn't affect the rich occidental man so who cares. A few sniffles in the US and Europe and whambam media saturation. Epidemics come and go, it's like volcano eruptions or earthquakes. Live and let live. Même pas peur! If I were the conspiracist type I'd say the only people benefiting from this is Roche, the makers of Tamiflu. Let's hope they put their ill gotten gains towards malaria research, in particular affordable solutions for the third world. EDIT - topical game. No idea if it's in the slightest bit entertaining mind.

Kate and Gerry have released a picture of what Maddie (I'm dead) McCann may look like 2 years on from her "abduction".

Okay, I was out of the English TV loop for a bit but I've recently relocated and can now get BBC 1 which instantly leads me here to room 101. I don't know the name of the bint but there is some woman that comes on in the evenings to give a news bulletin, I think around 9pm(?) I want to put her in here for the patronising, condescending John Craven's newsroundesque approach she has to this bulletin. Does the BBC think they are broadcasting to a nation of 7 year olds?

If that's the case, here's wishing my ex has the same fate then.... Amanda Holden?

Maniac on clog popping spree, however he missed the obit worthy Royal family who were in Apeldoorn celebrating Queen's day. I know it is in French but the BBC site didn't have a gruesome video to accompany it. Here is a tamer BBC version of events. Less body sliding in view.

I suppose being in Scotland you really can justify running round and shouting the legendary Rab C Nesbits immortal line "Swine that you are!" I probably shouldn't be so confident in Aberdeen University's contingency plan. During a rather bad outbreak of plague in the 1640s, Aberdeen University's 'contingency plan' was to move all their students to the doomed University of Fraserburgh. All they achieve in doing that was speading the disease from the city to the countryside... I wouldn't worry Windy, I am sure they have stockpiled supplies of Tamiflu purchased with the gracious tax contibutions of a Lord Fellatio Nelson of Norfolk.