Redmega

Natasha Collins has bought it in the bath, suspected drug overdose...Police are busy fitting up her boyfriend Mark Speight, I mean..."conducting their enquiries". Mark, now in line for a sympathy suicide, has appeared on "Heaven and Earth" during his presenting career. Perhaps he'll be returning shortly?

Climate scientist Bert Bolin dies at 82 Couldn't stomach what we're doing to the planet a minute longer.

Seems that Ken was only being tucked in. He'll be back to work after his Hernia op shortly. I'm no expert, but there are few things medically less sinister than a hernia, no?

Dean Gaffney (29) of Robbie Jackson fame. I've seen him go home with the rottenest of dirtbags - he must have bits dropping off him by now. Plus, he's been snubbed from Eastenders once more and is reported to be on the dole. He might not be on smack, but dosage miscalculations can still happen with the softer types.

Who is Matt Hopkins? Let me guess ... That's a very disturbing read. Imagine spending all that time writing such a steaming heap!?

"The news of her husband's alleged affair has deeply upset Gabor, according to Von Anhalt." Gabor doesn't seem the type to keel over from a broken heart - but coupled with extra stroke possibility goodness, this could be the beginning of a very slippery slope indeed.

I'd like to take this opportunity to announce my own bid for paternity. I can't have a worse case than gabor's husband even though I never met the poor woman. ans' death could be the event that launches a whole metric assload of clog popping - ms gabor won't be taking this news well i'm sure.

Very funny indeed. And while we're distinctly on-topic, I just thought I'd add that "Slide, upon ice, Patrick Moore!" is an anagram of "Uno, a moon cricketer, slipped!"

Genius! a golf clap to you good sir

Claire Rayner on newsnight (bbc2) this very moment. she seems to be a little breathless, but certainly lucid - Good to see her ranting on the box again!

You should have gone to Puttenham common early. The extra elevation at Box Hill made all the difference. But, sure, it's pissing down now. I didn't know the area well enough - I'll stick that one on my list for the future. I tried google-earthing last night using the elevation feature to pick out some big hills - failed miserably. Oh well, going skiing in 3 weeks so I don't suppose I should complain too much. There's just nowhere better than the english countryside when it snows. My luck can't stay bad forever right? I'll pin my hopes on next time!

That's exactly why I think I'm cursed. less than an inch in guildford, then I heard there was a good 3 inches out towards bracknell, so I head on over there to go hiking in the woods. Literally the moment I get out of the car, god vomits on my eiderdown once again and it starts belting it down with rain! washed all my dreams away.

I must be like a human anti-snow machine. wherever I go, there's the smallest amount of snow. Last year, when I lived in essex, no snow - kent and surrey had it all. now I live in guildford, essex gets a pasting. I just can't win. -27 and 5 odd feet of snow would be heaven, until my extremities fell off that is

Can't say I've really seen or heard anything he's done, but I'd be happy for him and saville to be locked away together, if only because I've got them both in my list and the chances of a double-whammy would be significantly improved - not that I'm wishing for any particular harm to come to manning. Thinking of it, I wish I'd gone for roy chubby brown now and picked up the trifecta!

Was just checking up on his status and came across this entry on his wikipedia page : "A well known racist, the fat man died last year." I'm pretty sure this isn't true - is it?

The more they go on about Castro's remarkable recovery, the less I believe them. If he makes it through february, I'll eat my house with a spoon.

80 years old, kidney failure, living in a hospice; Then, having declared a crystal-clear 2006 exit strategy, discharges himself and goes home to have a shot at 2007 instead!? Shrewd character.

Birthday piece, that smells like the writer did a find-replace with the past tense. I wonder if these same quotes will come out, tweeked, when the bells tolls for his last round?

Carlo Ponti, having recently suffered with pulmonary complications, has sadly died. Even Dr Zhivago couldn't save him.