Lord Fellatio Nelson

Will he still be alive by then?

That will be the first time they have been together since they were last together and as hilarious as eczema.

Oh no, the only thing that keeps me up all night is V i a g r a Mind you, try having a piss when you have taken one.

That's you fucked. Once he is gone your act will go the way of Jimmy Savile and Bruce Forsyth impersonators. Maybe you can come back as Robert Mugabes ghost?

Well, maybe later, I will wave it over a £10 note and see if I can change it into £50.

Well, unless you can prove Gods existence through scientific fact you are doing nothing more than standing there, in the face of reality, with just your knob in your hand. Lets see God ride to your rescue then, eh!!!

You could have asked to be called Emu. The forum could do with another big bird. Poor old Lardy has had to plough on for far too long on her own!

There is no God.

I'd be happy to help but I'm hung like an emaciated hamster.

In your case, it's allowed.

Yes but put it down and fill the rest of the list out you cock wand!

FTFY

The female stars from the bygone era didn't actually get paid that much. Anderson, according to the wiki page, seems to have been ripped off at one stage and led her to retire and do other stuff, although her stage show carried on regardless. Candida Royalle is, possibly, the best known ex performers turned directors. A few others like Nina Hartley, IIRC, did have the odd jaunt into films where shagging was not on the agenda. Actually, a great many porn actors/actresses began their careers in film/TV work before going into porn. There is an old and poor quality cine film out there of, allegedly, Joan Crawford giving somebody a blow job. I've seen it and I have no idea if it is her.

I used to think it said 'you want rice with that' and I assumed they were into Chinese takeways or summat.

Well, no. As an aside, Juliet 'Aunt Peg' Anderson ( 1938 - 2010 ) star of countless US Porn Films from the Swedish Erotica stable did return to porn in the late 90s. I'm now wondering about how many of those 'mature' porn stars out there have been banging away for a couple of decades or more. I can think of Ron 'The Hedgehog' Jeremy off the top of my head but are there anymore? Who can demonstrate true staying power!

C**t!

I have never heard of her. I quite detest modern porn, all neatly trimmed to bald as a badgers arse pubes, perfect teeth, faces and figures, huge silicone tits and men hung like Donkeys born after the Chernobyl fallout. A lot of it isn't even sex anymore, it's just vulgar where the women are just treated like absolute shit. Give me the 70s stuff any day.

You are going to need a higher content of alcohol in your blood then.

Exactly.

It has become an epidemic.

Have I missed something obvious like who the fuck they are?

It hasn't been a vintage year, has it.

Life is cheap in Zimbabwe.

Now THAT was funny.

That is utter bollocks. His Witch Doctor has sacrificed half a dozen albinos and fed the old cunt huge amounts of Tiger semen. Mugabe will live to 200, at the very least!