Lord Fellatio Nelson

Just saw this. Bloody loved him in Hill Street Blues.

You may have heard in the news today that Kleenex ( MK and Deathsperms favourite tissue ) has now, after 60 years, decided to remove the term 'Mansize' on it's boxes as one little boy asked his mummy if that meant boys, girls and ladies could not use them. This, of course, had the Twitter brigade out to castigate the company for having such a sexist term in these times of ours, or summat. Add to that the 'Jazz Hands' replacement for applause at Manchester University and a whole shit load of other things, I was wondering if we can get up some sort of list/ suggestions that would truly placate the current generation? How about a demand that Manchester be renamed Peoplechester? Being manly? How about Personly? Wankers

Tell you what, I don't like him very much but, I am pretty sure that, with him in charge WW3 will be less of an issue. Oh, yeah, he is guilty, not sure he is on ALL charges.

Always look on the bright side, eh, Mary!

Yeah, her hand was going ten to the dozen. She could wank somebody off without moving a single muscle.

He really is a rancid cunt, isn't he.

A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden. The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there. "Do you really talk?" he asks the dog. "Yes," the Labrador replies. After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story." The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I joined the SAS. "In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping. "I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired." The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog. "Ten quid," the owner says. "£10!!? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?" "Because he's a lying b*****d. He's never been out of the garden.

I had no idea David Icke was on here posting!!!

I like the new Dr. I like his sidekick. I did, however, sit there waiting for the script writers to shoe horn in something political/social so that they could educate working class knuckle draggers like me. They didn't disappoint, did they.

I've not got a bet on or anything..

He is so thin he is looking like a pick axe. I give him until, er, November the 27th.

I used to live on Canvey, a place where you were either a builder or related to one. Castle Point council were a load of c*nts, of all political persuasions. Good to see everything going around in a full circle. The Tories won the last election because Labour were utterly shite and comrade Corbyn was a step too far and, now, Labour will win the next election because the Tories are utterly shite and Sunak will be a step too far. Yeah, I know they are an incompetent, corrupt bunch of self serving cunts, they all are. We are now left with a choice between syphilis and genital warts. God must really hate the British .

That telt him!

I missed this one. Lardy is a true legend...ary drinker! Funny as fuck too.

Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson and bragged that, despite being 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Cilla says, "Sean, if I'm not bein too forward, I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer. Lets go back to my 'ouse, we could 'ave a lorra fun." So they went back to her place and got comfortable. After a couple of drinks they went off to bed and had an hour of mad passionate sex together. Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that was good, let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have better shex. But while I'm shleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and ma willie in your right hand." Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay." He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex than before. Then Sean says, 'Cilla, that was wonderful. But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. You'll have to......." "I know Sean. Yer want me to 'old onto yer bat 'n balls again. No problem hun." Cilla complies with the routine. The results this time are absolutely mind blowing. Once it's all over, they have a drink, Sean lights a cigarette and Cilla asks. "Sean, tell me, dis 'oldin yer balls in one hand and yer willie in de other - does it really stimulate yer that much?" Sean replies, "No, not at all Cilla, but the last time I shlept with a scouser, the f*cking bitch stole ma wallet.

She's 58 not 98.....

Carol Ann is alive and well. I spoke to her yesterday and most times when THFC are playing. Cat was a fabulous guy, much missed and not forgotten. Amen.

Fucking hell, you are still about then!!

Fucking good, that one, eh, Toastie!!

Yep, somebody else for you to go and like every one of his fucking posts. That will please him no end.

She was 96 and had dementia. How the fuck is her death a shock.

Has anybody seen that Advert where the two little girls walk into the lounge and proclaim that "Dad, its time" or something as they produce a box of hair dye ( think grecian 2000). What kind of a crock of sh*t is that? Dad is single/widowed/divorced. Dad isnt in a relationship Dad hasnt had his leg over. Dad is a sad twat. Daughters decide that, to remedy the above, he needs to get rid of his grey hairs. Viola!! Dad gets a bird, daughters ( sitting in a single Armchair ) do the old "Palm to Palm" hand slap. Result!! I need not tell you that this advert is American, I certainly dont wish to appear anti American, we have some valued cousins on this forum, however, I dont think anybody could have made this advert outside of the States. Perhaps, to redress the balance, somebody would care to hold up some more British examples of inane, God awful, toe curling advertising.

I was thinking about him the other day. I pondered the thought that, when he finally died, football would die with him. At this moment, that is how it feels to me, a man that sat at the same table as Pele as one of the greatest footballers to have ever walked this earth. Dramatic? Maybe. To those of us of a certain age his loss truly is the end of a chapter, a man the like of which we will never see again.☹️