Lord Fellatio Nelson

Kids are supposed to be ungrateful little shites, aren't they? Maybe. Im still fucked off tho. EDIT: Im more hurt than fucked off.

Just had a conversation related to me. I have discovered that my daughter is an ungrateful **!!@~#!! Im fucking livid.

What a looker! Zsa-Zsa won't go break-dancing any time soon but seems good for another 5 years - her family seem remarkably long-lived. She's one of those celebs that everybody is waiting on to die. She's had a shitload of health problems and has been on the brink of death in recent years more times than she can count. But yeah, she's been one of the bigger death teases. She could live till 100 for all we know! Not me. It has to be said, as tactfully as I can, that you truly are THE complete w***er. There is nobody on this forum who talks about death in the way that you do. There may well be the tongue in cheek comments and the general feel that this place positively lives for the next Celebrity death but the truth is somewhat different. Its no coincidence that the names which are picked every year are, generally, very old and/or very ill. It is not rocket science to pick people who are probably going to die sooner rather than later. Having a guess at who will go next isnt neccessarily macabre, its just nonsense. You take something that is quite trivial, in the great scheme of things, and turn it into somesort of blood lust/Voodoo bollocks. IF you really are what it says on the tin, you are a sick twat that needs shooting. Im certain there will be a queue of members eager to pull the trigger.

Yeah because we all know who that is.... Seriously, I'd put Roy E. Disney as the most significant death of this month. And I think his death would be hard to top, unless someone like Elizabeth Taylor died. Well, Brittany Murphy died last December so I'd say that her death definitely tops Roy E. Disney's. For January 2010, most significant death so far (by far) is J.D. Salinger. Awfully bloody slow start so far, but things seem to be picking up a bit w/ the passings of J.D. Salinger, Jean Simmons, Zelda Rubinstein, and Howard Zinn within the past week or two. I wouldnt be suprised if you were masturbating when you typed that out, such is your desire for people to die.

All the quality posters are too busy at work doing proper jobs to post here. What's your excuse? Dear Ninja Today is my day off. I shall be back at work tomorrow and Saturday. While at work, doing my proper job, I shall not have time to access the t'internet ( not that I can access the DL boards as its blocked for reasons of taste) because I will be too busy working trying to restore/provide service/ and trying to sort out problems with peoples Broadband circuits. Thanks to people like me, you are able to get the t'internet in places where you cant even get fucking gas.... So there. Yeh, and thanks to people like me, people like you get your asses wiped for you when you're too old to bend over - so that'll be about now then Bastard! Anyway, so long as its wiped from front to back, I wont mind. I dont want poo on my testicles, thank you.

All the quality posters are too busy at work doing proper jobs to post here. What's your excuse? Dear Ninja Today is my day off. I shall be back at work tomorrow and Saturday. While at work, doing my proper job, I shall not have time to access the t'internet ( not that I can access the DL boards as its blocked for reasons of taste) because I will be too busy working trying to restore/provide service/ and trying to sort out problems with peoples Broadband circuits. Thanks to people like me, you are able to get the t'internet in places where you cant even get fucking gas.... So there.

Is it just me or has the forum become a bit shite of late? Its got bog all to do with posting quality, before anybody brings that old chestnut up. Its gone off the boil, or summat.

Drug addiction, drug dealing, car theft, driving under the influence, taking heroin INTO COURT WITH HIM.....no, he's not a dick at all. So what did he make? A bong?

Fucking hell Lardy, the first lessons in Football education: Never confuse Manchester City with Football!

......and there you were, DWB, complaining that your undercooked chicken had made you ill.... I suppose, if we look at this from another angle, he has shagged too much, drunk too much and done it all without a stout Mosquito net around his bed. Serves the bastard right, I say. PS: Feeling better Mr Beatle?

I am relieved that it seems that it's Pitt that's blown Jolie out. If it had been the other way round, I'd have feared for the future of men. I mean if Brad Pitt can be dumped... Well if I was in Brad Pitts shoes, Angelina could blow me anyway she wanted.....

Those Wii thingys are terribly dangerous. My son bought his over on Christmas day, we played all the usual games. Im standing there playing against him at Tennis, getting well into it, when Ive gone for a nice backhand which has ended up sweeping a fucking great big glass of Red Wine off the coffee table and up the wall, a la Jackson Bollock. Every one pissed themselves laughing, I felt a twat and ive had to repaint the wall. We are still finding bits of glass from the obliterated glass.........

Southampton V Portsmouth in the FA Cup. I get the feeling that one of our members is foaming at the mouth at the thought of hoards of the great unwashed entering her fair City....

Ugh, I didn't know that! I will have to check which one I used, but I doubt if they would all have it anyway. For one thing, I've never emailed the ex-colleague, it's a Christmas-cards-only sort of thing. Here's my bet hedged "or summat". If you have these people's email addresses on the account you signed up with then Facebook can locate them. It might seem creepy but I think it's fascinating how they can make these links if what I just said isn't the case. That and the six degrees application (that I can no longer find) that you used to find out how you could be linked to someone if you didn't already know them. I now know of people I know who know people I do not know who know people I know. However this all probably stems from the fact I'm someone who likes to discover things so I guess that could be why I don't find it creepy. Could you please discover why we have a total w***er like Peter crouch playing for us? Many thanks.

Yeah, but I bet Michael Dawson feels like one though! Yeah, another cockspanner. He doesnt understansd the "stay on your feet" bit. Because he piled in, not 5mins before, a did a beauty, he thought that he was some sort of super hero. w***er. PS: If Crouch really is a better player than Pavlyunchenko, I will eat my own faeces on brown bread.....

........and just because Peter Crouch has actually scored a goal does NOT mean that he is no longer a fucking useless pile of shit.

Cold calling. I am utterly and totally fooked off with people calling me to try and sell me life insurance etc and automated messages asking me if I have "Heard the news" which I never do because I put the phone down. I am now getting fuckers knocking on my door to try and sell me Gas/Electricity packages and the like! Today, at about 11AM, Im driving down my road when I spy a couple of Dickwads ( they didnt look like the kind of people you would want to get stuck in a lift with ) wandering from door to door, wearing a shitty green Apron/Jerkin/Smock with WWF and a cute Panda ( try stroking a Panda then tell me if its cute) embazoned on it. As I reversed onto my drive I saw them getting ever closer, taking the shopping in, they were only a door or three away. Then.. "KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! ( They dont know how to use a door bell) I open the door. Me: "Im not buying and Im not selling." Him: ( Looking flummoxed and indignant ) " Well Im not buying or selling either." Me: " Good." "Goodbye" I shut the door. So what exactly did he want? Did he want me to adopt Li Ki Minge The Panda? Coolio the Polar Bear? Make friends with a lesser spotted newt? Sorry, I dont feel very charitable, they can all fuck off. ...and while im on the subject, isnt it about time we put a stop to these records being made for "Charideeee" Can we not give generously so that we dont have to hear a clapped out Rod Stewart perform with Leona Lewis and the like? The single will be shite and the people on it will be doing it for a good career move, not because they give a fuck. Anybody who disagrees with that, may I just say that total prick Bono.....

It doesn't help that Britain are as rubbish at the Winter Olympics as they are. But it's not surprising, there are no proper mountains and look what happened to the country when it got a dusting of snow this year. Two weeks of complete chaos. The only things Britain have had any success in are frozen shuffleboard and ice dancing, which have to be in the top five for Cyril Softiest sports imaginable. Thats an argument that, in hairy fairy land, may hold water CR. The problem is we have zillions of football, Cricket and Rugby pitches and we aint no fucking good at those either!! The notion that I will be sitting on my sofa, at its very edge, while Hans Von Kranklwankle chases the fastes time on the Slalom or Sabine Saboute ends up completing the luge on her arse because she came a cropper half way down doesnt interest me one jot. Id be amazed if the British audience for this debacle was anything more than UK Gold gets at 3AM on a Tuesday night. Im sure the sight of a bunch of Scottish middle aged dears sweeping the Ice instead of their front steps is truly exciting to the average labotomised katie Price but it does nowt for me...or summat.

Can we not just wish the WHOLE of the Winter Olympics just fuck off and die? Its a gut wrenchingly tedious load of crap.

Geronimo, those legs!!! Sally Carr, Scotlands finest body of 71. As for you, Lardy, you bloody ninja, I was never really into the Pistols as I was only 11 in 76. I do, however, remember seeing the death throes of the career of Bill Grundy as he "interviewed" them on the Today programme. Pure gold. Anyway this is more my kinda thing. Well I AM an old fucker, arent I ?

Complete shite, albeit catchy, annoyingly catchy. Lardy, there really is no beginning to your musical taste!

Ummm, no. This is why I don't live in Seattle, either, despite the fact that it has coffeehouses on every block. Most of the days here in Texas are bright and sunny (and freaking hot) and I like it that way. It's a little warmer today - 56F/15C - and still overcast, but at least it's dry. I can see my car from here! lol Bloody hell, a Hospital car park that isnt full!! Over here, that picture would have captured a whole plethora of cars going round and round and round and round and.... I take it you dont have to sell your left kidney to pay for the parking space either? Oh, CA, nearly forgot. I hope your car is that white 1960s Ford (Falcon?) say yes, dont let me down!! LG I should have started my rant with..."This applies to everywhere, except Scotland.." I quite understand the terror of running out of ciggies, however, I trust your bucket was still kept full of wine.

Bastard!! Well, the snow is rapidly disappearing now, probably because its been raining all fucking day!!!! Two days off of work and a 30 year old car that needs some bits and bobs and I cant do sod all...... Gunjaman, Im sure the weather is dandy down there, however, your turn will come. Im not a vengeful bastard, I just live in hope! Yours A jealous LFN.

If it makes you feel any better, this lot still think we're sick http://www.mausoleumclubforum.org.uk/xmb/v...d.php?tid=20297 Handy, you old fox, you are a member of that forum too!!! I used to frequent a forum of a similar genre, found it a bit anal in regards to its moderating. Anyhow, that looks to have been a potential row that fizzled out all too soon......

Yeh, yeh, and don't forget you used to have to wear cornflakes packets for shoes and brush your teeth with soot... Welcome back I wasn't alive in 1947 - or 1963 for that matter - so I don't give a fuck how cold it was then. It's fucking cold now! And I've worked all my scheduled hours (well, apart from the two days off because of man-death-flu-syndrome - I actually drowned to death in my own snot). And I drove to Tesco without crashing and I'm a woman, so stick that in your pipe and smoke it! Welcome back?! As subtle as ever, eh? Bastard. You are right tho, you were not born in 1963, you were born a decade or so later which makes you a young pup and, therefore, inexperienced in severe weather matters. When I want your opinion, I shall give it to you Leave it to old gits like me.