Lord Fellatio Nelson

Ive had to work out in all this shite. Icicles on my testicles, snow building up on top of my woolly hat as I battle to open underground boxes in the street that have been welded to the pavement with ice.....do you hear me complaining? Fucking right you do!!! A bigger bunch of malingering, soft poor excuses for humans, I have yet to meet. A bit of snow and " Oh I cant get into the office today" bollocks. "Oh, the roads have got snow on them!" which actually translates to " Im a complete fuck weasel, I cant drive in good weather so I will actually now drive slower than Dale Winton walks on ice with an egg placed between his arse cheeks. Its talked about as if its the worst weather we have ever had, forgeting the winters of 1963 and 1947 and even further back a century or two when the Thames froze over and markets were held on it complete with bonfires to keep people warm!! The Government will use it as yet another excuse to fuck us all up the arse with taxes on anything that they can get away with in the name of Green and Global warming and, give it another few years, we will have another winter of a similar magnitude and we wont fucking cope with that either!! The people who man our offices were allowed to go home early due to the poor weather but us engineers still had to battle through roads that arent even B roads to try and get people working. Amazingly enough, Ive managed to get to work on time, get home on time and not die of hypothermia....... Its pathetic.

Once upon a time, many moons ago, a website was conceived that was seen to be somewhat sick, subversive, perverse and "out there", so much so, that it drew the full venom from the moral minority and Vicars. Its now to be seen on Sporcle FFS. Shocking? Sick? Weird? Not now it aint!

Thank you all. Dave, smashing!! Monkey bollocks, I will concede that there have been moments when Hoddle has, indeed, been a cunt but on the Pitch? NEVER! I will also concede that Le Tis was brilliant, if not bone idle. Imagine what he could have done if he had played for a bigger club like, er... Portsmouth. Lardy, Im still alive, I should at least be grateful for that. Im off to buy a zimmer frame...

Go and have a bowl of lentil soup then stick those potato peelings in your composter. That will make you feel better.

Why thank you Lord Fellatio. Not dead ......... alas. But where I've been there were times, over the last 18 moths, when I envied the dead! Needless to say a minor misunderstanding involving my presence in a celebrity's back garden has led to me lacking the degree of liberty that I would normally crave. All sorted now ................. Pooka!!! Glad you are back! Glad its all sorted out, you really must stop all that, its no good for you! I hope the 18 moths didnt cause you too much anguish. Onwards and upwards!

Up to 3 votes per poster. I mean, obviously, this voting scheme will favour those who hide under multiple aliases, or is it aliai? Hmmm, mebbe Guest MPFC should register and vote. Thats what makes it an utterly pointless exercise. The person creating the poll is more than one person, there are, undoubtedly, people on the list who are the creations of one and the same person and that makes its all a bit of a sham. One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest has fuck all on this place.

Did Pat stay up late last night or did he go to sleep early because everyone but his son seemed to be at one with the universe. .. On certain occassions you come across as quite an articulate fella. At other times, I really dont understand a word you say.

You've gotta watch that one. People round our way sussed a while ago that you can save money on sex chat lines by ringing the Samaritans and saying you'll top yourself unless they talk dirty to you! New scandal in Brazil!!! Lula ,The Squid (= Niemeyer campaigned for him ) tried to sodomize a fellow inmate when he was in prison April 19- May 20,1980. The nickname of the boy was Menino do MEP (= BOY FROM MEP =BAPHOMET) .Lula drinks and stinks and the boy from MEP managed to escape the rape. You see the Knight Templars were accused of performing sodomy. The day of his release from prison was May 20 (=MAY=5 Pentagram 20 is 02 backwards standing for lula´s Bisexuality. Lula confessed having had sex with animals too, proving his Bestiality. GOOGLE FOR THIS INFORMATION " MENINO DO MEP E LULA" . THEY ARE TRYING TO SILENCE THE SCANDAL!!! LULA IS A SODOMIZER STUPID COMMIE AND NIEMEYER SUPPORTS HIM!!! WHAT A SHAME!!! I really dont think you should be linking the word Sodomy to Squids in a post on this forum. There are some people on here who will give you a jolly good kneecapping for doing that.

All too common, Im afraid. There are countless cases of people unable to let their loved ones go. Many a corpse has been found, mummified, still in bed, family carrying on around them as if nothing has happened. Mind you, if any of those said family members were keen Fishermen, they would have a pretty good supply of juicy maggots to go fishing with. Death brings out the strange in people. My mother in law keeps telling me that when she dies, she is going to dig her way up and out of the ground and come and haunt me. I fully intend to bury her face down. Dig you cow, dig!!

Mary, you are all heart, you soft bugger, or summat.

March the 21st and 8lbs 6ozs. Occy, it will be more joy than anything else.

Best idea he has had in ages. Alex, oooooh my hero!!

Remind me that if I come out there we have to walk everywhere - not only would I be driving on the wrong side of the road for me it can also be argued that I have a bit of a leadfoot. OK, a lot of a leadfoot. Living in a part of the Country that is in close contact with a couple of "Mini USAs", those being RAF Feltwell and the USAF base at Mildenhall ( been on them both loads of times and its like you need a passport to be there) I can confidently say to you, CA, it wont be a lead foot that will be your undoing, if you ever drive in this Country, it will be your inability to go around corners. The vast majority of Americans who crash over here, will do so because they discover, way too late, that their steering wheel can be used to negotiate bends in the road. By the time they work that small detail out they are, generally trying to climb out of their cars which have been slammed into the nearest dyke ( thats one of them water drainage things that criss cross the fields of agriculture on our fens and not a cucumber packer ) normally face down or on its side. You will find that you will be very much at home over here if you are lead footed, our average Motorway speed is probably 90ish and you are merely a pedestrian if you are doing 70MPH, the national speed limit. So, CA, come on over, remember to go around corners and you will be fine!!

Oh, Happy Birthday DL. Still as smug and as irrelevant as ever.....

Why not just tell them that they are lazy bastards!! Am I being too simplistic here?

A bit of baking might help you relax . Thanks!

I wouldn't say 1-0, I'd say the cynics have clawed one back, but they're still 11,273 behind coming up to half time. Thats very wrong but very true, sir.

No gimmicks, just raw and real. One of my favourites and I dont care if you dont like it, its my escape and I need to escape....

It seems that the cynics have just gone 1-0 up.......

One of my jobs today saw me visiting the local Crematorium. I cannot pretend that I felt anything other than queasy at the thought of going anywhere near that place,however, despite the work being outside of it, i did have to go inside to the offices to do my final tests. Walking in through the back you could have been forgiven if you assumed that is was like any other local Council building...until you felt the warmth and saw the arse ends of the two big " burners" sticking out of the walls, happily chugging away. The point to my ramble? I feel a sense of hopelessness. As an example. We have seen those soldiers driven through the streets of Wiltshire, draped in their Countrys colours, the people turning out to salute them, their families shattered but dignified and seen the final act of saying goodbye before they are laid to rest. The reality, however, is that when all that is done, they are either shoved into a giant oven and burnt to a crisp, their remains scooped up, with what looks like a chip scooper you would find at McDonalds, shoved into an Urn and handed over to their loved ones or they are lowered into the ground where they will decay rapidly. Either way, its fucking horrible. I dont see the dignity in death, the act leading up to it, yes, the mourning and memory, yes, but everything else, well.... Ive rambled on enough.

Wear your heart on your sleeve team on your arm.

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Hmmm, I think you need to be little circumspect when looking back to the Thatcher years. Yes, she did rip apart many Industries, the primary one was the Coal Industry. It could be argued, however, that Arthur Scargill was the actual architect of the Coal Industries downfall, infact you could widen that to whole Industries that were held to ransom and fucked up the arse by Militant Union leaders who were more instrumental in bringing this country to its knees in the 1970s than any Political leader could ever do. Anybody who was an adult in the 1970s or a boy ( me ) will remember the three day week, power cuts, Grunwick, the almost daily and farcical British Leyland Strikes and, of course dear old Arthur Scargil who had us all by the bollocks as he had the key to all our energy needs. It was fucking bleak and we had a labour Government who was completely in the pockets of the Trade Union Movement. By the time the 79 Election came about, people had had enough, it was time for a big change. What Thatcher did right was rid us of the shackles of Union power gone barmy. She introduced secret industrial balloting allowing people to vote without fear of reprisals, she banned "Flying" Pickets ( Secondary picketing) and began to try and make this country, at the very least, competitive in a World that had moved on and left us behind. To do all of the above meant taking on the Unions head on, unfortunately wankers like Arthur Scargill used loyal, hard working and decent people as his "troops" and what followed was terrible. HE, not Thatcher was pivotal in destroying communities. I suppose it will all depend on what side of the fence you sit as to whether Thatcher was good for Britain or bad. I grew up in a working class family, lived in a council house and remember times when my parents were dead poor, not destitute but poor. I think that makes me reasonably objective but, then again, I didnt live in areas destroyed by unemployment, I lived in the "affluent" South East of the Country. Love her or hate her, she was a statesman that pricks like Gordon Brown could only dream of being.

You hadnt had a drink for a week or two? I hadnt had a drink for over two months!!! I think I was drinking solidly from 12.30 ish round to gone 8. I confess to having a thumping headache on the train home but, quite brilliantly, I woke up on Sunday morning as fresh as a daisy. You are quite a character Mr Alphonsin!!

Frank Carson because, er, he is Frank Carson