Lord Fellatio Nelson

Makes you wonder what? Is he all wrinkly? Is he sitting in his own wee? Does Mr Drabble dribble? All these questions will soon be answered..........................................

Jimmy Carr. A complete w**ker. Sven Goran Eriksson. A man who will surely f*** Man City likes hes f****d his way through the Z to Z of ugly women. Elton John. One ugly munter with a sh*t wig. Christiano Ronaldo. A spotty, cheating bastard of a shitbag. Break a leg son, better still break em both Barry "Cillit Bang" Scott . Die!!

When I was working overseas as a tour guide, I worked, for a while, in Tunisia. This was in 2001, and Myleene, along with Suzanne, Noel, Shrek & the barmaid in Corrie (Kym?) had just won Popstars. Of course, Tunisia doesn't get ITV (Thankfully), so their new found fame was lost on me & anyone else with a life. Unfortunately, Miss Klass came on holiday to Tunisia & unfortunately, she was staying at MY hotel & I had to meet her at the airport. She swished, swaggered & sauntered over. MK: (snobbish tone) "I believe you are the man who I need to meet for my hotel arrangements." OoO: "Possibly, can I take your name?" MK: (incredulous tone) "Don't you know who I am?!?!?!" OoO: (cheeky tone) "Not without a name madam, but I can always guess." MK: "I'll have you know I'm a celebrity" OoO: (bored tone) "That's nice. But I'm afraid I don't recognise you". MK: (huffy tone) "Well I've just been on national TV in front of millions. Don't you get out?" OoO: (pissed off tone) "I DO live here, in Tunisia you know. We don't get British TV, I'm afraid" MK: "Hmmm. Well.. the name is Klass - that's spelt with a K, but pronounced CLASS." OoO: "rightho, Miss KLASH, here is your taxi driver & here is your accomodation voucher. Have a pleasant stay & sorry I didn't recognise you for the world famous celebrity that you are". (I know... I know, but it was either be rude or hit her ) In the two weeks she stayed at the hotel, she acted like a spoilt brat & a diva & kept asking for unreasonable requests of both myself & the hotel. All cos she was one of 5 people who won a talent contest. Whoopee-whoo. I see her sweetness & light trick on British TV & applaud her at her quite brilliant acting. It's a hell of a lot better than her singing. Thank you, LFN, for allowing to tell my sorry tale to the nation. Excellent story. 20 out of 10 for your self restraint. Personally I would have pissed into a glass and offered it to her as a "Traditional Tunisian Beveridge"..........

Come on Occy, you have a story to tell!! Why is she a stuck up and spiteful cow?

Kylie Minogue, a sickly sweet shite actress/singer. You aint no virgin luv so stop acting like one. Richard Madeley. Once the conection to Alan Partridge was forged, he lapped it up instead of hiding in shame. What a p**** Davina McCall. No need to go into reasons. Victoria Beckham. Ditto Pete Doherty. Talentless musician but has a talent for drug taking. Drugs will surely take him. I also go along with Jeremy Kyle. Does ANYBODY like Jeremy Kyle?

..........something that I do not have. This means that I am not LFN aka Bruno Brimley, Bruno Brimley aka SC aka LFN etc, etc. Thank You Regards LFN

..........and a happy Birthday from me...........you miserable old git.

MonoClinic, what you say is quite right. Somebody here will, undoubtedly know, but just how accessible was the Satanic Verses in predominately Halibut societies? Did the book actually get translated into Arabic and the like? How did all these hoardes of protesters actually know what was in it to become so "offended?" Radicalism and bullshit go hand in hand, if you want to force your ideology on everybody shout, threaten and drive flaming 4x4s into Airports......... MPFC, I am in awe of you fella. To get through one of his books would be akin to piercing ones testicles with kniting needles to get through two and a half is torture that I assumed no human could withstand. I think the Salmon Rusty is as safe as anybody else under threat of these bastards. Why spend their time taking one scalp, all be it a famous one, when the can take out hundreds in one go. Mr Salmon is not cost effective. Regards LFN

Actually, I've always thought you were Tempus Fugit. He went as you appeared. Tempus Fugit?!? Thats shite! TF is nothing like me. I may not see eye to eye with you Windsor ( unless you are 6ft 1in ) but I actually believed that you were far more astute than that......................................

..............................and the other one was called Madjeep Bhoma...............

The following "borrowed" without permission from " Lashtal.com" a site dedicated to Mr Crowley. Charles Edward d'Arquires (formerly known as Randall Gair Doherty formerly known as Aleister Attaturk formerly known as Aleister Macalpine), b. 2 May 1937, Newcastle-on-Tyne, died on 20 November 2002 in Chalfont St Peter, Bucks. All of the above is from the death certificate, which has an incorrect date and year of birth (mistakenly giving 11 May 1939). His birth certificate gives the name as Randal Giair Doherty, with that odd spelling. I guess that answers your question.........

..............If it hadnt have been for someone in the departure lounge ordering an extra hot Indian................

I'm really pissed off!!! Someones just crashed into my car in one of them new Skodas,there is jam, chocolate, jelly and sponge everywhere!!!

Yes they will. They may also get hit by a Bus, eaten by a Shark or live a full life before dying, lonely in their own wee. Sanctimonious tosser. Or strangled--by me. Nothing like sitting there smoking at a reasonable distance from any other humans and minding your own business only to be reprimanded by a stranger , 'smoking is bad' and then the person drives off in their fume-belching Ford Explorasaurus. Aye, those ugly bastards need putting in the crusher long before smoking is banned. Sanctimonious and ugly too?! Aint got much going for them, have they? If I shovel the gits into the crusher NAP, can you operate the levers please?

Yes they will. They may also get hit by a Bus, eaten by a Shark or live a full life before dying, lonely in their own wee. Sanctimonious tosser.

Wouldnt it be fair to say that the Tour De Farce has more to do with which Lab has got the upper hand than down to individual Cyclists/Teams? As with Athletics, the chances of a completely drugs free contest is zilch.

Apparently the Police have named the two scumbags responsible. They were Singhged Inajeep and Madjeep Bhoma.............BASTARDS!!!

Orally and rapidly, Fellatio. There's a good man. It may well be standard practice "Down Under" to sex a Dingo by fellating its danglies but we dont sex birds orally here matey!! Having said that, if you were to go and work on a Turkey farm here, you may well be required to extract the "LoveJuice" from Mr Turkey to artificially inseminate Mrs Turkey. The fine line between when to suck and when not to is apparently something you learn to do very , very quickly..................... Regards LFN

Nope, just a "Good Morning Sir" usually suffices. How can you possibly expect me to sex an overgrown pigeon from a distance

Perry turned 100 the other day. Maybe this thread can be merged somewhere else, but I figured it might be the best place to mention it. By the way, that post was almost three years ago and, out of all of them, Eaton-Travis, Lane, Kent, Perry, Bartlam (at least according to IMDb), Allan (ditto), Rainer, Stuart, Laemmle, Page, and Ros are still alive. Claverling, Oldland, Baring, Boyd, and Grey were already dead at the time of the discussion too. Fair play to you Paul for digging that one out of the rectum of Deathlist. What on earth made you bring this thread back to life? PS: Appologies if the answer is stupidly obvious, Im as pissed as a fart and its 2.16am Norfolk time.....

Due to an old wives tale told to me in childhood, I still salute the bastards every time I see them. The chances of outlawing Magpies is as good as trying to knit fog. Sorry.

C,mon Himler, you must have s@@t in your eyes! Dont be fooled into thinking that every female back in the seventies in the UK was,nt dying for the chance to jump on Jack and Stan and shag their brains out then take turns doing their washing, ironing and cooking and sit adoringly at their feet whilst they call us silly moos. With the current re-runs being shown on TV I am sure a whole new generation of women are ditching girl power and having the urge to lie down and become doormats to bus drivers! Get your leg over, lads! ..........I really must go and get my PSV licence.....................

Dear Doctor, Romeo and Juliet not dying on stage?!? Yes I can see where you are coming from. You are, quite right in what you say. Do you feel that, after this latest horror, the whole of the Wrestling fraternity will be put under "official" pressure to address the obvious problems? BHB made reference to a similar scenario happening to a Premiership Footballer. TBH I think that just the one death/murder(s) until similar circustances would cause such a furore in the British Press/Media that the powers that be would be forced to act, even if what they decided to do was seen to be inadequate. Thanks Doc, you have enlightened me! Regards LFN

Im not too sure, on this side of the Atlantic, just what the perception of American Wrestling actually is. Despite the fact that the average wrestler is supremely fit, agile, powerful and regulary gets hurt, seriously at times, the fact is its fake. A modern day Gladatorial circus of steriod enhanced gargantuans " doing battle" in the arena infront of thousands of fans baying for, and at times getting, blood. Money and favour must surely be channelled into the right pockets for how can a "sport" so plagued with drug abuse and premature death appear to pull its socks up and carry on regardless after yet another tragedy without the authorities putting it all under the most severe scrutiny.

Never trust a Politician with the Christian name of Quentin. He is clearly a traitor and somebody should shoot the bastard.