Lord Fellatio Nelson

Everybody I have seen photographed having the vaccine has had a mask on.......

Wife's best friend asked me how I was going to make my wife go weak at the knees for valentine's? I said I'd hide her arthritis tablets

Finally compromised and allowed my pet on the bed. It was restless for a few minutes then the goldfish finally settled down.

A man on the London underground taught his dog how to play the trumpet. He went from Barking to Tooting in just over an hour.

Got an e-mail saying 'Knock, Knock.' It was a Jehovah's witness working from home.

My hands were shaking so much when I performed my first circumcision, that I got the sack.

He isn't coming out of hospital.

Look at this little gem from that thing, Ian. Sorry to hear that the sister of #JoWhiley is seriously ill with #coronavirus due to an administrative error and she was not vaccinated.Can I offer my deepest apologies to @jowhiley on behalf of the #conservative govt.We have done well,but some glitches still happen sadly. 10:19 PM · Feb 16, 2021·Twitter Web App Posted under his Cecilia Twitter account. A genuine headcase.

This is the same generation who were accused of being couch potatoes by sitting on their fat arses and playing play stations or whatever at all hours. Now, due to an enforced lockdown, they are having mental issues because.....they are sitting at home on their play stations at all hours. I give up. I'm not going into my family issues but, suffice to say, it's been fucking shit. I saw my mum twice last year, it's fucking awful. There is more but I wont say fuck all else. It's all shit. It will get better.

What has 2 wings and an arrow? A Chinese telephone. "Wing, wing." "Arrow?"

Yes, quite creepy really. He/She is just not the full schilling.

Proves on thing for certain, whoever they really are, well, they really are mentally ill.

Sock account.

Every time I hear the name Pam Shriver, this image comes into my head, all the time, every time.

For some reason I was minded to find a current pic of Katherine Ross. If you dont know who she is, you haven't seen The Graduate or a whole plethora of US TV shows/Films and the like of the 70s where she popped up playing a vision of beauty, because, by fucking christ, she was. Anyway... Then Now Its just WRONG!!!!!!!! PS: Yes, she is married to Sam Elliot.

I genuinely do not know whether to laugh or cry. It's just a forum for weirdos to discuss death and mundane things like masturbation, ffs.

Oh, and PB, just do a roll call of all the sock accounts and who is behind them. No point fucking about, it isn't like they are entitled to some sort of protection, is it.

Sometimes you come out and say things that are just, well, 'fucking hell' moments. You are one of the best posters on here by a bloody mile. Keep up the good work Handy. Nice to see you out of lockdown and stuff, you lucky bitch.

Lets have a standard DL 'as boring as fuck' thread to run to when we get pissed off to the tits with all of those other Corona Virus bollocks threads that are starting to take over the place. So, today, I dug in a new mahoosive fence post to replace a rotten one. Yesterday it was mowing the lawn etc. The day before that I cannot actually remember, it was obviously stimulating. So what have all you been up to? Come on, tell us about the exciting stuff you have been up to!

Well, my right bollock is well famous.

I still would.

I can't quote it verbatim ( I did see it) but it said something about dead and English soldiers. Just another day and another Poundland William Wallace having a rant at the English.

Oh, I'm straight.....but gays do have more fun.

Judith Chalmers used to give me the horn.