Lord Fellatio Nelson

Yeah, highly effective..

I love that group. As much as I do, however, I was always a tad appalled when I saw Steve on TV. He was walking around like he did 40 years ago, complete with a 1973 style shit haircut. You really cannot dress like that when you hit a ripe old age, it just looks wank, pop star or no pop star. Just sayin, like.

There is one good American expression though and it is 'Pussywhipped'. I love it!

It's all gone too 'lah de dah' now!

Fucking hell! Essex has descended into an impression, albeit a shit one, of Sloane Square. Admit it, you are a fucking Sloanie!

If only it really was funny. I am finding fuck all to laugh about at the mo.

Yeah, I think Zorders beats that.

I think Zorders would run him close on that one.

Is this near enough?

Well, yes.

Wanker.

We live in strange times. I cannot remember, in my lifetime, a more inept, corrupt, rancid, moral free government. It is difficult to comprehend just how fucking useless they have been, are and, in all probability, will be. They seem to be under the impression that they won the last election by a landslide when the reality is that Labour LOST by a landslide. Seriously, should we really be complaining about no more weekend updates? Do we really need to be spoon fed more bollocks and utter bullshit every sodding day? They are a bunch of fucking liars, utterly useless and have acted way too little and way too late. Cunts, total cunts.

This is an interesting point, I mean, there must be people out there that look a bit like Jimmy Savile and Rose West etc. What a curse that would be!

You have never seen Line of Duty? If you haven't, try and watch it from the very first series...

The WHO haven't covered themselves in glory over this. They should have advised a lockdown way earlier than it all happened. They have been shown to be toothless and, quite honestly, pointless. Yes, Trump is still a wanker.

I don't think any of my family have lived to get to 80. My mothers mum died of TB at the age of 36, my fathers mother went at 61, my Dad at 72 and an aunt went at, around, 75. We are not a big family, as such, my immediate family are very close but the rest of them are not overly important. A good reason for me to act like a c**t, drive a Pontiac and get off my tits every weekend. Go out with a bang, as they say.

See? Works a treat!

Aye but you cannae say 'Happy Birthday' in it, can you! Your one is similar to the one where somebody is surprised to find that a certain famous(ish) person is actually still alive. That's my excuse.

You are so much more agreeable than that other fella that used to be on here, what was his name.....oh yeah, Deathsperm. He was a right bastard.

If you have left leaning programme controllers, Director generals and a whole plethora of people upstairs that have a bias against right wing politics, it is inevitable that programmes will be made that will feature comedians that lean to the left, the far left much of the time. Geoff Norcott doesn't get a look in, Lee Hurst ( did he go a bit bat shit crazy?) are on the right and plenty of others are conspicuous by their absence. Whether this is because they are deemed not funny enough is a point to argue but, as we all agree, if some twat like Kumar can, not only get on TV and Radio, let alone host his own fucking shows then you have to concede, at some juncture, that those that get said shows and him onto the screen have no sodding clue and no sense of humour. Yes, you lampoon the Government of the day, that has always been the case, TWTWTW was doing it before many of us were fertilised in our mums wombs but, tbf, 'alternative comedy' as we all know it was anarchic ,more than overtly political to the left side of politics. They hated everybody. I accept that this government deserves a massive kick in, but they are all shit, left, right, centre, the fucking lot of them. They all need fucking off so we can start all over again, maybe.

I was about to run with you on this until you said that Sayle was funny....

Up to a point I agree. I have said that I am no fan of Cumminglingus or Johnson, and the government in general, but..... Seriously, anybody who thinks that the BBC isn't biased has been living with their head up their arseholes for way too long. It isn't just the BBC either, the media is festooned with 'right on' left wing comedians, if you could actually call Nish Kumar, Adam Hills et al, comedians. The Last Leg, The Mash Report, HIGNFY, and so on, all left wing, all lampooning the right of the political spectrum even though there is ample mileage in doing the same to the left. It is now so unbalanced it is a fucking joke in itself. I can remember those halcyon days when Spitting Image, at its best, ripped seven bags of shit of all sides and nobody was safe. If they brought it back today, it would be, pretty much, bash the right and hold out the left as the planets only hope of saviour. Nowdays you are not allowed to be moderate, if you are not on the left you are a baby eating, racist bastard who should burn in hell. The problem with Maitlis is that she has expressed her 'personal' views too often on social media, all well and good if you are a bin man from Slough but not really the thing to do when you are fronting a well known, long standing news and current affairs programme. Basically, if you want to make Political comments, jack your job in and do something else or shut the fuck up. Andrew Neil? Did nobody see him rip everybody who was put in front of him to pieces? He did the same with Johnson, calling him out for not being interviewed, because he was too fucking scared to sit in front of him. Neil is what Maitlis thinks she is and will never be. Come back Kirsty Wark!

You should leave the stats to Paddytwat, he can then give you chapter and fucking verse on the intricacies of it. What bothers me is exactly how we are recording these deaths. My mates wife is a nurse on the Coronavirus A&E and, basically, you can be wheeled in with heart failure and die but you will also be recorded as a death from Corona if you tested positive. In effect, the virus does not necessarily kill them but, because you have it, it goes on to the stats as a cause or 'contributing factor' to the death. This is plainly wrong and, moreover, skews the virus death rate a lot. This does not negate the fact that we have useless cunts in charge of this crisis but, again, because they are so fucking inept, perhaps they have monumentally fucked up the real death rates because they have gone for a 'one size fits all' approach. Well, they have fucked everything else up, haven't they!

Welcome back, for now.