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Lord Fellatio Nelson

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Posts posted by Lord Fellatio Nelson

  3. Posted

    In view of my humourless and offensive name causing ladies to hold their hands up to open ( in astonishment) mouths and grown men to regress back to Victorian attitudes, would it be possible to have my name changed to Lord Dead?

    Regards.

    LFN

  4. Posted

     

    PPS: Dave doesnt "Conform" Dave isnt " Highbrow enough" Dave doesnt demonstrate " Intelligence" Dave isnt " One of us"................

    How ridiculous to see grown ups act like playground bullies.

    LFN what nonsense you write.

     

    If you met Dave in real life, you would smack him in the chops. And he would come back for more. That's how utterly stupid he is. He has had enough warnings and has shown himself to be an habitual troll with idiocy aforethought.

    There are people in the world who aren't capable of functioning in a civilised social environment.

     

    That's why we have lunatic asylums, and housing estates.

     

    Tell you what NAP, that is such a blindingly good response Im going to turn tail and plead that the git is banned. :blink:

     

    Banshees, im willing to cut a deal here. I will change my moniker to somthing, shall we say, less offensive.

    In return you can cut me a tad of slack at times, when you consider it prudent, and I shall endeavour to be more relevent, articulate and thoughtful in any future posts.

    I shall, however, when I feel it is justified, be a nasty horrible barsteward and, occasionally post to annoy.

    I hope to be taken off the teat on the above statement ASAP.

    Regards

    Lord Dead ( If thats ok with you) :)

  5. Posted

    I have no idea what you mean about starting with a capital - can you post a reference?

    I made a typo. You seem to have capitalised The g in grammar - and?

     

    This is an example. Earlier in the thread a guest named Jeremy Poxman who 'Was probably Iain said this'

     

    om uch for democrasy.he was band despite people saying they doesnt want him band.and now you will never ever see dave post on here ever again.i suppose u could say he is dead now! hope u dont miss him too much!

     

    You just caught me off guard Welsh, it's just I hate too see letters uncapitalized at the beginning of sentences.

     

    O and Lord Fellatio Nelson, I don't think you have more authority here. Obviously you are somebody behind a mask (Yes probably a second identity' and your opinion means very little (Not to mention your interests are usually mocked and dissed at every living moment' I just hope your not very surprised.

     

    Oh Banshees, I am fully aware that I have no "authority" on here at all, do I give a toss? No.

    Of course I am somebody behind a mask, arent we all!!

    Yes my opinions mean very little here but I dont post to curry favour ( unlike the many) with anybody because I dont actually care enough about anyone here to demonstrate any degree of acumen that I may or may not have.

    Mocking and "dissing" as you call it comes with the territory, I give it out, I can take it.

    No Im not suprised, I am however suprised that, as my opinion means sod all, Im mocked and dissed at every turn and Im not one of your favourite people, you didnt have the backbone to just ignore me.

    You took the bait you berk!! :blink:

    PS:Look at the volume of my posts and then look at the volume of yours.

    Is there not something else more fulfilling ( apart from being a pompous knob) that you could be doing with your life?

    PPS: Dave doesnt "Conform" Dave isnt " Highbrow enough" Dave doesnt demonstrate " Intelligence" Dave isnt " One of us"................

    How ridiculous to see grown ups act like playground bullies.

  6. Posted

    This forum is full of suprises.

    A Yank teaching a Taff the finer points of the English language :blink:

    Come back Dave, you are a complete twat but you are the antidote to the highbrow bullshit that tends to prevail here.

  7. Posted

    According to modern folklore he is a miserable, cantankerous bastard who, when once asked by a star struck fan for his autograph, told said fan to " Piss off".

     

    Im sure that fan will be crushed by the latest news.....................

     

    I'm sure you've mentioned that anecdote before here or thereabouts.

     

    That star struck fan wouldn't have happened to be you, would it, Lord? Were you that soldier?

     

    It's time to let it go...

     

    Cheers,

     

    BHB

     

    No, Im sure that is only the first time I have told that one................

    No I wasnt that star struck fan, I prefer Female stars with big tits ( a sort of Camille Coduri looky like...she looks filthy) and as far as Im aware John Bardon is neither female or has big tits.

    Regards

    LFN

  9. Posted

    Why are Deathlist members choosing to log out and post as "guest" or with some other very strange user name.

     

    I nominate Tempus Fugit and/or Star Crossed as the culprits for at least some of them. Any other suggestions?

    Not me friend, I don't post as a guest.

     

    I've been quiet of late because I just can't be bothered.

     

    Oh happy days!

    There is somebody on here who is normal(ish)

  11. Posted

    A very interesting thread. Im sitting here at 1.46 am, pissed as a fart,to the point where the screen is blurred, and Im thinking "Who gives a f**k"?

    Very few people on this planet have lived sinless lives, pointless worrying about it, we will all have to answer to our rank stupidity when we move to the next level.

    I think we worry too much about what people think of us in life, which gets you theorising as to how you feel you will be percieved in death.

    Only the almighty can give us absolution.

    I think I need to go and lay down ........................................................... ;)

  13. Posted

    Sir George Pinker the Royal Gynaecologist and the very first person to meet Princes William and Harry has died at the age of 82.

    where did he meet them? :P

     

    Where the f**k do you think he met them? Jesus help us all.......... :pop:

     

    Oh God!!!! This is f*****g brilliant, Cabaret at its very finest.......... :)

  14. Posted

    Appologies Octopus, the "Guest" was me, I hate bloody computers!!!

    Just had a read of Iains previous history.

    It has to be said that, apart from understanding your hatred, it has to be one of the funniest things I have read for sometime.

    I found myself reading them to the voice of one David "er quite remarkable" Coleman.

    It all, suddenly and horrifically, began to make sense.............

  15. Posted

    A man is chatting a girl up in the local nightclub

     

     

    MAN " ere darlin, fancy coming back with me for some hot sex?"

     

     

    GIRL "no sorry I cant, not tonight."

     

     

    MAN "Oh why not?"

     

     

    GIRL " Because Im on my menstrual cycle"

     

     

    MAN " Oh thats no problem, I'll follow you back on my Suzuki.......................

  17. Posted

    Q - How does a Cumbrian find his sheep in very long grass?

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    A- Pleasurable.

     

     

     

     

     

    I'm gettin' me coat an' all.

     

    ...........just make sure its not a sheepskin coat.........that goes baaaaa.

  18. Posted

    There is a lesson in all of this.

    He drank like a fish, lived a less than clean living life yet he hung on, despite being hospitalised umpteen times, until the ripe old age of 76.

    As a contrast a 23yr old man died "peacefully" after completing the London Marathon, a feat Boris could never have achieved.

    Ive decided to go back to the ciggies,and a bottle of Havana club a night which, I reckon, may see me into my 90s.

  20. Posted

    Jack and Jill went up the Hill so Jack could lick Jills F****

    Jack got a shock and a mouthful of c***

    cos Jills a pre op tranny.

    Ah ha, now I get it...insert where appropriate

     

    Jack - Jack and the Beanstalk, a classical story or Jack the Front Loader, from Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends or jacking off, a euphemism for masturbation.

    Jill - A generic representative of the female sex, as in jillstrap (also shortened to jill) or Jill Kelly, a pornographic actress or (more appropriate for licking gentials), a pet dog owned by Betty Spaghetty :)

     

    I really quite like that explanation.

    I just thought it was a filthy, crude and pornographic verse....................

  22. Posted

    Just found out that dear old Val Doonican is 80 years young. Does anybody know if he looks like he is on his last legs?

     

    Val Doonican ? fit as a fidel and still performs,

     

     

    Is that fit as a Fidel Castro?

     

    Never mind the Fidel bit, how does he know he still "performs"?

    Im quite envious of an Octogenarian that can still get it up.....................

  23. Posted

    just thought i'd post here cos im a little bit bored at work and havent been around for a day or so.. did i miss anything?

    Nope! :) I've had beers and fancy more, but I have company who will just take the piss if i'm drunk and falling about...What should I do??

     

    I very much hope that you found someway of amusing yourself inspite of the company present.

    I used to, in similar situations, make my excuses to said company and go out into the street where I would entertain all and sundry with my impression of the White eared Pink nosed Elephant.

    Oh how the local Constabulary used to laugh about my jolly jape as they were kicking seven bags of sh*t out of me in the holding cells.

    Those were the days!!

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