Death Impends

Joe Biden Donald Trump Billy Connolly Andy Taylor Phil Collins Ozzy Osbourne Clint Eastwood Dick van Dyke Buzz Aldrin William Shatner Robert Wagner Tim Bilton Bruce Willis Michael J. Fox David Attenborough Rupert Murdoch Janey Godley Pope Francis Linda Nolan Prunella Scales Paul Spencer Erik Jensen Dave Myers Cleo Laine Eva Marie Saint SUB: Willie Nelson

It's very rare someone goes from 100+ picks one year to off Drop 40 the next (barring death obv). Even Wilko Johnson stayed on the Drop 40 one year after his miracle reprieve. The only exception I can think of was Schumacher, but that was a last-minute critical gamble.

The teams, celebs, and Drop 40 pages have all been posted, and you can now access them from the front page. @time is still working on updating for deceased celebs. As @gcreptile has said he's been brill so far. Not sure when I'll start posting obits, not all of them have been written yet. Been busy with the new celeb bios. time, @Banana, and I, plus Reptile in his outgoing capacity and like last year @Whitehouse in a guest capacity, have taken care of all the bios, and once again the 5-person crew has made it a lot more feasible.

Half a million.

It should be a matter of days til we're up and running. As usual, here's a list of 2024 names that were rejected under our FFBI rules. Selma Wilde - Apparently, a German supercentenarian. There's not even any mention of her on the 110 Club. The 110 Club FFS. Janet Gibbs - A centenarian, that's about it. Edwin Rayner - Old chap on YouTube who sings... to an audience of 1,000 followers. Jay Tenison - Terminally ill army veteran who got to fire a tank one final time. Gabriel Yeung Ka-piu - Terminal cancer patient who made the news for donating a lot of money to the Children's Cancer Foundation of Hong Kong. Clare Sacco - Cancer TikToker with nowhere near enough followers. Martin Butler - A food reviewer on YouTube who doesn't pass the follower quota. Gareth Morgan - As above. Emilio Betancourt - Cancer Tiktoker. Does have a sufficient amount of followers, but it was a following accrued entirely off his cancer. George Smith (x2) - There is a theme team of George Smiths. Lucky us. Two of them - George Smith of the Canadian Parks & Wildlife Society, and George Smith the centenarian schools engineer - were so obscure even by this team's barrel scraping standards that they were DQed. Ruth langsford mother joan langsford - I warned you she wouldn't count, and one of you didn't listen. David Marsh - Previously rejected in 2022. "He's a 60s musician I never heard of" might have been my greatest putdown of a no-name, and with him now dead I'm not going to get the chance to use it again... Jonathan Mills - Too low level a cricketer who never would've gotten attention without the cancer. Bruce Murray - The closest decision, while his camera assistant work is no doubt one of the many important cogs to Home and Away his public notability was very much embellished by the press. Phillip Mark Mehrtens - New Zealand pilot being held hostage by Indonesian insurgents. Terrorist hostages have been banned in the DDP since 2015, years before the more robust FFBI rules were set up.

I wrote his DDP bio, and it said "will be dead by the time you read this". Spot on.

1/15/2024 33 Kenny Rogers & The First Edition — Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love To Town 33 The Foundations — Build me up Buttercup +4 31 Fleetwood Mac — Oh Well 30 Elvis Presley — In The Ghetto 30 The Small Faces — Lazy Sunday 28 Tom Jones — Delilah 26 Fleetwood Mac — Man Of The World 23 Stevie Wonder — Yester-Me, Yester-You, Yesterday 22 The Edwin Hawkins Singers — Oh Happy Day 21 Lou Christie — I’m Gonna Make You Mine 21 The Casuals — Jesamine 21 Barry Ryan — Eloise 20 Mary Hopkin — Goodbye 20 The Bee Gees — Don’t Forget To Remember 16 Dean Martin — Gentle On My Mind 16 O.C. Smith — Son Of Hickory Holler’s Tramp 15 Nina Simone — Ain’t Got No / Do What You Gotta Do 14 Leapy Lee — Little Arrows 14 Herman’s Hermits — My Sentimental Friend 12 Robin Gibb — Saved By The Bell 6 The Tremeloes — (Call Me) Number One 4 Lulu — Boom Bang-A-Bang 4 Bobby Goldsboro — Honey -6

Only submitted three weeks ago but I already forgot picking her so I appreciate your being on the ball!

Here's TMZ

It amazed me back in 2007 when I discovered someone from the Honeymooners was still alive. Let alone 2024. Definitely was one of the great "WTF still alive"s for me.

1/13/2024 24 Fleetwood Mac — Oh Well 24 Edwin Hawkins Singers — Oh Happy Day 23 The Foundations — Build Me Up Buttercup +3 21 Lou Christie — I’m Gonna Make You Mine +1 20 Tom Jones — Delilah 20 1910 Fruitgum Co. — Simon Says 20 The Small Faces — Lazy Sunday 20 Engelbert Humperdinck — A Man Without Love 20 OC Smith — Son Of Hickory Holler’s Tramp 20 Leapy Lee — Little Arrows 20 The Casuals — Jesamine 20 Barry Ryan — Eloise 20 Dean Martin — Gentle On My Mind 20 Mary Hopkin — Goodbye 20 Herman’s Hermits — My Sentimental Friend 20 Fleetwood Mac — Man Of The World 20 Elvis Presley — In The Ghetto 20 The Plastic Ono Band — Give Peace A Chance 20 Robin Gibb — Saved By The Bell 20 The Bee Gees — Don’t Forget To Remember 20 The Tremeloes — (Call Me) Number One 20 Stevie Wonder — Yester-Me Yester-You Yesterday 20 Kenny Rogers & The First Edition — Ruby Don’t Take Your Love To Town 14 Nina Simone — Ain’t Got No / Do What You Gotta Do 14 Lulu — Boom Bang-A-Bang 14 Bobby Goldsboro — Honey -6

But the most important question, will any of them appear on the front page of genarians.com?

1/13/2024 61 The Beach Boys — God Only Knows 56 The Rolling Stones — Nineteenth Nervous Breakdown 54 The Kinks — Waterloo Sunset 48 The Troggs — Wild Thing 39 The Spencer Davis Group — Gimme Some Lovin’ +4 28 Los Bravos — Black Is Black 16 Donovan — Sunshine Superman 9 Traffic — Hole In My Shoe 7 The Lovin' Spoonful — Daydream -6

Not picked for 2024. Last time 2022.

1/12/2024 61 The Beach Boys — God Only Knows 48 The Kinks — Waterloo Sunset 44 The Rolling Stones — Nineteenth Nervous Breakdown 41 The Troggs — Wild Thing 37 The Spencer Davis Group — Gimme Some Loving +4 35 Los Bravos — Black is Black 33 Donovan — Sunshine Superman 21 Traffic — Hole In My Shoe  20 The Move — Flowers In The Rain 16 The Hollies — Stop Stop Stop 10 The Lovin’ Spoonful — Daydream -6

Tina being female death of the year?

1/11/2024 53 The Beach Boys — God Only Knows 48 The Kinks — Waterloo Sunset 44 The Rolling Stones — Nineteenth Nervous Breakdown 41 The Spencer Davis Group — Gimme Some Loving 36 The Troggs — Wild Thing +4 32 Los Bravos — Black Is Black 31 Donovan — Sunshine Superman 24 The Lovin’ Spoonful — Daydream -6 23 Traffic — Hole In My Shoe 22 The Hollies — Stop Stop Stop 16 The Monkees — Alternate Title (Randy Scouse Git) 12 The Move -- Flowers In The Rain 10 The Hollies — I Can’t Let Go

Surprisingly not a DDP pick. He's the second sub on Sean's MP theme team, but that's the closest he came.

Condolences, drol.

Not on any DDP 2024 teams. So short of a 2025 miracle, looks like an incoming LotM.

It's been quite the year for celeb deaths, hasn't it? Our finest eclectic Hartlepudlian tradition has farewelled icons like Queen, Gorbachev, Olivia Newton-John, Sidney Poitier, Bernard Cribbins, Angela Lansbury, Leslie Phillips, and Catalonian singer Pau Riba. Plus Larry Storch and Ned Rorem reminded us of that hot deadpooling maxim that not everyone who sees 99 sees 100. Will Henry Kissinger provide another instance in the coming months? No. But just in case he does, he carries a bonus that's helpful here, and let's just say it ain't panto... Also, feck, I'll be running it for a fifth time this coming year. Feels like yesterday I took it over from Rotten Ali! The rules remain the same, and as usual I will not be reading or entering any PMed teams until I submit all of my teams for deadpools beginning January 1. Rules Points are scored according to the following highly complex scoring system: Competitors are awarded points according to the order in which their candidates die. The starting positions are as follows: Candidate 1: 50 points Candidate 2: 45 points Candidate 3: 40 points Candidate 4: 35 points Candidate 5: 30 points Candidate 6: 25 points Candidate 7: 20 points Candidate 8: 15 points Candidate 9: 10 points Candidate 10: 5 points When the first candidate dies, points will be awarded as above, and the remaining potential scores will slide up or down one position. If candidate 1 dies first, the team gets 50 points and the points below all increase by 5, so candidate 2 will get 50 points if he or she is the next to go. If a celebrity departs further down the list before the ones above are gone, the scores above are reduced by 5, causing the highest remaining score on the list to disappear. Those below will increase by 5 as before. This will often cause two celebrities to have the same number of points next to their names, but the order in which they die will still influence subsequent scores. Additionally, the player is allowed up to two substitutes. The substitutes will still count as part of the player's team, but use a fully different scoring system: 25 points if one substitute dies, 50 if the second substitute dies. Bonuses do not apply to substitute hits - this likewise means that subs will not take away a name's unique bonus if only one team has said name in their main ten. If a name on the player's team dies before the pool opens, they will not receive points for the death (barring a minuscule consolation point or two). They will be allowed to put a new name on their main team, either from the subs bench or a new name entirely. If a sub is promoted, they are entitled to name a new sub. Note that premature deaths are the only circumstances in which changes to a team are allowed. Otherwise, teams will be entered as originally submitted. If Superstar Billy Graham announces hospice care after you've submitted, tough luck. I'm doing you a favor with that one, after all. As the host receives an email copy of any PMed teams as originally submitted, each email will be cross-checked before a team is entered - discrete edits to your PMed team will not sneak by! If a celebrity has unambiguously died within the deadpooling year, but a specific date of death is not provided, the latest plausible date of death will be used. This follows the precedent set by Leah Bracknell, who was a popular hit in 2019, but for many months her date of death was never elaborated beyond being in September. By the time her exact date of death was known, the 2019 HPDP was long-concluded and it would not have changed the winner anyway. I ultimately treated her as the last September hit, and any future hits in that vein will have a similar logic applied. Note that if details later emerge giving a person a specific date of death before the year's game is concluded, the scores will be adjusted accordingly. The Bonus System: Candidate not picked by any other competitor +2 Candidate under 18 years old -2 25th or less in line to the throne of Belgium, The Netherlands, Sweden or Denmark +2 Been on Celebrity Squares (or Hollywood Squares) +3 Death of candidate in spite of extremely high improbability or unlikeliness of same. +5 US Baseball or Basketball player -3 Former or present UK Prime Minister +3 Drummer +2 Former or present US president +3 Guilty (in Notapotato's opinion) of crimes against humanity +3 (with Notapotato rarely appearing, host Death Impends will use her own judgement for such cases) Both of the above +6 Has played in a pantomime +2 Has performed Morris dancing +3 Found dead in a Swimming Pool +3 Died in a farming or gardening accident +2 Death worthy of a Darwin Award +2 Murder, Suicide, Lightning +2 Dies on Notapotato's birthday (16th of May) +2 Death by Fire +2 Death by Water +2 Death by Bongo +6 The bonus is calculated according to the following simple formula: Bonus x (score gained from death divided by 5) Multiple bonuses multiply so a bonus of 3 and a bonus of 2 give together a bonus of 6. This makes negative bonuses extremely unattractive. So a bonus of 2 on a score of 40 gives you 2*(40/5)=16 Additionally, there will be a bonus of 50 points for coming in in 13th place in the Hartlepool Deadlypool. Unless there are only 13 or fewer entries. then there won't be. Nothing could be simpler. Oh yes, and there's an extra bonus of unspecified size payable on the first hit of the team which has the most interesting and unusual selection of celebrities. The host also reserves the right to reward further, minuscule bonuses to teams - often less than a point! 1. Dead means dead. No longer living: A bit like William Holden who having just been fished out of Gloria Swanson's swimming pool, died drunk and impoverished a mere 31 years later. Eligible for a death certificate. (A Munchkin is optional but may get a bonus) 2. For the purpose of the game a "celebrity" is someone well-enough known to get their death mentioned in one of the news sources host Death Impends deems qualifying for this pool: Anything that qualifies for the Derby Dead Pool The New York Times The Washington Post The Scotsman Canadian Broadcasting Corporation The Australian The Sydney Morning Herald Stuff.co.nz Le Monde Le Figaro Der Spiegel Die Zeit El Pais El Mundo Corriere della Sera la Repubblica 3. Only human beings may be submitted as candidates. Animals may take part in the dead pool, but may be ridiculed for doing so, and may not get any points. Unless they are cats with a long history of doing dead pools. Team names which sound like an animal such as "Donkey from Hell" or "Dead as a Parrot" are allowed, I suppose, but may be ridiculed. 3a. Strictly only one team per participant. The submission of teams in the name of domestic animals in an attempt to circumvent this rule is doomed to failure. And ridicule. 4. If a participant dies during the competition, unlike in some dead pools, they don't win the competition automatically. They may, however, get awarded a few extra points by way of consolation. And next year, a bonus will be named after you, perhaps. If you do die during the course of 2023, do drop us a line and let us know where you went wrong so others can avoid making the same mistake. 4a. For legal reasons, we are unable to actively encourage participants to murder or otherwise accelerate the deaths of their chosen celebrities. There is however no penalty in the Hartlepool Deadlypool for doing so. Your Procurator Fiscal or local alternative may see this differently though, so we recommend asking beforehand. 5. Anyone selecting the following types of names will be summarily ridiculed and very likely penalised in an arbitrary and unpleasant way should their candidates actually die or be killed: Famous For Being Ill names. The penalty incurred will be decided upon a name dying and obiting, and is dependent on the host's opinion of the degree of a name's FFBI-ness. A very select few, like Kate Granger to use a past example, I feel have transcended their illness to become a legitimate pick, and will receive no penalty. Those known for longevity are also not considered FFBI and will receive full points. Names who are proactive with their illness, but of a lower profile than the Granger types, will receive a moderate-to-severe penalty. If a name is "famous" solely for reasons such as an "inspiring" deathbed marriage or being in a coma, they will receive no points or perhaps even negative points! Fringes of Fame names are similarly subject to a penalty. I will likewise judge these names on a case by case basis upon death. If a name has some claim to fame independent of their relationship, I will likely be lenient - think Rayya Elias, whose news coverage in her final years was largely about Liz Gilbert's partnership with her, but was a published author in her own right. I will also be lenient with fringey names who have received a reasonable amount of media coverage prior to ill health - for instance, Roberta McCain was only noteworthy as John McCain's mother, but was a familiar media presence during his 2008 presidential campaign and had a standalone Wikipedia page since 2007. But if a Hollywood star makes a tearful post to Instagram about how their sister is terminally ill? If the sister never got much media attention pre-cancer, don't expect to gain a lot should she become a hit. Anyone under sentence of death or highly likely to be sentenced to death at the start of the year, unless they die by means other than execution Anyone missing in action at the time of entry submission, unless said MIA name is discovered to be alive, and dies later in the year 5a. And you won't be getting the extra bonus points for original and unusual picks if you don't come up with something a bit more original or unusual. 6. The deadline is 23:59 GMT on December 31. However, unlike most dead pools, teams may still be submitted post deadline - with the catch that any teams submitted January 1st and beyond are limited to 9 picks (plus two substitutes), and the highest-ranked name on your team starts with a value of 45 points. In fairness to those who entered in a timely manner, I will also forbid late entrants from including any currently unique names on their main team. Names that are entirely unpicked, only on subs benches, or on multiple main teams are fair game for inclusion. Because the subs bench has no impact on a pick's uniqueness, any name is fair game for inclusion on a late team's subs bench. 7. Though only deaths occurring up to December 31, 2023 are able to count as hits, the 2023 HPDP will officially close 23:59 GMT on January 7, 2024, to allow some breathing room for late-year deaths that might take a few days to accrue a proper obit.

1/10/2024 47 The Beach Boys — God Only Knows 46 The Kinks — Waterloo Sunset 41 The Rolling Stones — Nineteenth Nervous Breakdown 40 The Troggs — Wild Thing 35 The Spencer Davis Group — Gimme Some Loving +4 31 Los Bravos — Black Is Black 31 Donovan — Sunshine Superman 30 The Lovin’ Spoonful — Daydream 23 Traffic — Hole In My Shoe 22 The Hollies — I Can’t Let Go 22 The Hollies — Stop Stop Stop 21 The Monkees — Alternate Title (Randy Scouse Git) 20 The Move — Flowers In The Rain 11 Manfred Mann — Semi-Detached Suburban Mr. James 5 The Seekers — Morningtown Ride 3 Cat Stevens — Matthew And Son -6

Yes, deadpoolers, it’s that time of year again. Even in a world without the Queen, Gorbachev, and an old lady who danced with Obama, the Derby Dead Pool remains everpresent ahead of its 28th year running. After three Decembers of entering 500+ teams, @Grim Up North is retiring from his team entry duties and passing the baton to @Banana. @gcreptile and I retain our committee positions for the upcoming year. Libby and Gorby had 24 verified DDP appearances - now only Keith Richards and Holly Johnson are in contention for a 25th next year THE RULES (which also contain instructions on submitting a team) remain the same as before. Emails should be going out later tonight. IMPORTANT REMINDER: The spreadsheet method of entry that began in 2021 remains in service. The 2023 spreadsheet, identical to the 2022 one in all but filename, can be found here. It is heavily recommended to use the spreadsheet as means of entry to reduce Banana's workload as much as possible. If you are absolutely unable to work with the Excel spreadsheet, still make sure to recheck GUN's DDP entry guide thread from 2020 to make the formatting of your email as smooth as possible.

Did my final round of celeb checks and could not find any missed deaths. On with the final scoreboard. It isn't the first time a deadpool showrunner has said this, nor will it be the last, but it was a well-deserved victory for @gcreptile. It was a rocky start to the year with the substitution nightmares of Pele and Pope Benny (and to a lesser extent Baba Wawa and Jeremiah Green), but the first proper hit was Frank McGarvey who took justonecornetto to an early lead. Gianluca Vialli truly opened the floodgates, and between him and two terminally-ill influencers, defending champion Banana returned to his familiar positioning at the top of the scoreboard by the month's end. However it was a marathon not a sprint, and the FFBI penalties hurt Banana in the long run. As did the two basketballers on his team, further down the road. Tim Lobinger kept him on top for the time being, but gcreptile vaulted into the contender's orbit thanks to sharing Lobinger and also hitting Tony Marshall on the same day. Ryuichi Sakamato took perennial dark horse CaptainChorizo to the top, and then amidst the triple-bonus Rolf Harris points bonanza, Perhaps also had Tim Keller to keep the competition exciting. June was a masterstroke for gcreptile, with four hits to his name - the Unabomber, Teresa Taylor, Frederic Forrest, and Daniel N. Paul - that gave him a comfortable lead, and he buttressed it with Mutulu Shakur in July. He didn't have another hit after that, but didn't need to. The distance was vast enough that no one else could close the gap despite the best efforts of Henry Kissinger. His final winning margin was a hearty 94.95 points. For a point in the summer, I thought Reptile would clinch the first clean sheet in HPDP history when James Whale and Jonnie Irwin seemed on their last legs. But that didn't pan out. Still, it was a HPDP for the history books, with five teams smashing the previous points record of 425, and Reptile the first to cross the 500-point barrier. A big part of that is Rolf Harris, and anyone who had him at base 50 points accrued 230 points from a single hit - 5 points more than previous holder Vanessa Marquez. Though Marquez will forever be the greatest HPDP pick. Rolf, you knew you had to pick him to win; Marquez, that was a comeback for the ages. The most interesting team bonus goes to arghton, who only had 10 organic points to his name thanks to Rosalynn Carter. Now he gets 20 more thanks to an intriguing assemblage that included side-by-side Onos, the Hulkster, and above all The Wizard of New Zealand. And 50 bonus points for placing in 13th go to msc. And with that, the final scoreboard. Congrats, Reptile! 1. gcreptile 567.95 2. CaptainChorizo 473 3. Perhaps 472.95 4. LizLemon 437.7 5. markb4 432.95 6. An Fear Beag 422.95 =7. MariNisia 420 =7. Pedro67 420 9. Banana 411 10. TheDumbReaper 400.95 11. msc 398.77 12. ThereWillBeDeaths7 360.82 13. Thatcher 353 14. maryportfuncity 343 15. Murdoc 335.82 16. RadGuy 333.7 17. Sean 327.82 18. John Key 326.95 19. diego 323.82 20. wannamaker 316.95 21. chilean way 309.82 22. Hell 308 23. DeathBecomesThem 293.77 24. Lord Fellatio Nelson 292 25. Great Uncle Bulgaria 286.77 26. YoungWillz 273 27. Funeralopolis 271.95 28. nantonian2013 268.27 29. Charles De Gaulle 262.77 30. Toast 251.95 31. theoldlady 244 32. Young One 241 33. The Old Crem 233.95 34. John "요한" Sulu 231 35. The Unknown Man 225.82 36. drol 222.77 37. DeathByArsenic 189 38. Clarence 177.77 39. Book 174 40. Joey Russ 172.82 =41. BuffaloPhil 139.95 =41. justonecornetto 139.95 43. WEP 133 44. TheKillingTime 124 45. Famous6Eva 120 46. Etushispushingupdaisies 116.4 47. Torva Messor 105 48. Death Impends 99 49. BabyBlue 95.95 50. GuyFromFuture 95.82 51. Gooseberry Crumble 86 52. JoeMoneypenny 75 53. YorkshireBanker 61.77 54. time 56 55. arghton 30 56. CalebH 25.82 57. DevonDeathTrip 0

1/9/2024 42 The Beach Boys — God Only Knows 40 The Troggs — Wild Thing 39 The Kinks — Waterloo Sunset 38 The Rolling Stones — Nineteenth Nervous Breakdown 37 Los Bravos — Black Is Black +2 33 Donovan — Sunshine Superman 29 Traffic — Hole In My Shoe 27 The Lovin’ Spoonful — Daydream 27 The Spencer Davis Group — Gimme Some Loving +2 26 The Move — Flowers In The Rain 23 Manfred Mann — Semi Detached Suburban Mr James 22 The Hollies — I Can’t Let Go 22 The Hollies — Stop Stop Stop 19 The Monkees — Alternate Title (Randy Scouse Git) 18 Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich — Bend It 15 Cat Stevens — Matthew And Son -6 7 The Seekers — Morningtown Ride When diego downvoted Gimme Some Loving, he didn't actually remove the 6 points, he just moved the position. Accounting for diego's vote into GSL's current score.