TAFKAG

Oh, poor ex-thread of the year, how fickle they art.

Red, how about putting your team in your signature? That's what most people seem to do. My team consists, as ever, of Sting.

He's had quintuple bypass surgery, which seems to have been successful despite rumours to the contrary.

A healthy-looking Fiddy and Lula caught up on old times the other day. Somewhere, a furious cephalopod dashes its tentacles against its forehead. Would it be heretical to suggest dropping him from next year's list?

Serial killer whale. I don't suppose Tilly will be getting any medals, unlike Treo the IED-sniffing dog.

So Godot has returned from his travels, but has he brought a sackful of Monkeys along or have they fallen victim to the economic downturn? On the off chance, I've acquired a beautiful strapless Roberto Cavalli off-white gown and put my PR machine on orange alert.

Naturally, he hung himself in a wardrobe. It doesn't say if he ironed himself first.

It's probably of little concern to most, but another language has bitten the dust with the death of the Andaman Islands' Boa Sr. I don't know why, but this depresses me more than the loss of Hollywood starlets to drugs or some such thing.

Otto's still going, but Mrs von H is not.

I did a search for Lula ... and immediately wished I hadn't. Well, he's been taken poorly, which will please Squiddy. I think.

Executed.

I have a feeling Jean Simmons will be the first one on your list to leave us, Bruno. Rumours abound on Twitter that she's on death's doorstep. Jean has wiped her feet on the welcome mat and slipped into his mansion.

Or, indeed, 120,000 feet.

Historian Tony Judt is in the advanced stages of Lou Gehrig's disease.

Awarded MBE/"still undergoing intense chemotherapy"

Obama? Goody? McCann? I’ve noticed quite a few Person of the Decade polls doing the rounds, so rather than copy them I thought we could keep it a bit more navel-gazingly incestuous and vote for the DL Member of the Noughties instead. Six years, that's near enough a decade in my book. I’ve picked a symbolic 50 names – the 35 twunts plus 15 more leftfield choices (sorry to those who feel left out, but it’s a tough business). So, does MPFC do summat for you? Perhaps you can't wait for Godot to return? Does Banshees make you scream with delight? Or maybe you're a Football Fan fan? Only three choices each, please. Can you vote for yourself? Let your conscience be your guide. I’ve never done a poll and only started one thread, so I'm hoping this doesn't go tits up.

Another Dutch footballer with a poorly wife is Man Utd goalie Edwin van der Sar.

Three years down the line, Nykänen's been arrested for trying to murder Tapola. He's for the high jump this time.

Holt's trying to cross the Atlantic, but the boat's been suffering engine malfunction. He has a carer and a cameraman along for the ride, so we're less likely to lose him. However, if we do, it should be available to view.

...here we go again! What, you mean you wouldn't be completely and utterly shocked to the core if you were to find out that the above suggestion might not be entirely true?? No need to brace yourself for this earth shattering revelation then : "We can tell you that Bernie Madoff is not terminally ill and has not been diagnosed with cancer," the Prisons Bureau said in an emailed statement. Moved to hospital for undisclosed reasons. Might be an outside bet for 2010.

Scrub Mick Cocks (ooer missus, sounds painful). Maybe Rose Tattoo should have their own thread - that's four dead in the past four years and five all together ... all from cancer. Watch out, Angry.

I saw Fordham being interviewed during Sky's world championship coverage yesterday. He's put some weight back on, but is still off the booze and seemed hopeful that he won't need a liver transplant any time soon. He's not ranked in the world's top 200 and has won a grand total of £800 this year, so I doubt we'll be seeing him compete on TV in a fair while, if at all. ________________________________________ As for Greatbatch, a search doesn't uncover any recent news about his illness, but does suggest he's still darting.

The 'real' Miss Moneypenny, Paddy Ridsdale, has died.

Convicted, life will mean life. I doubt he'll last long, one way or another.