TAFKAG

The Sweet Life is over for Signor Pinelli. A unique DDP hit for A Pelican in the Wilderness, should the English-speaking world acknowledge his passing.

Pathetic, depressing thread. I thought the DL was better than this.

Jackson claims to have loads of songs piled up ready to inflict on the world after his death, a la Freddie Mercury. Which he reckons will happen before Macca's. That's child abuse, that is.

Serrano está muerto. Él era un hombre malvado, pero inteligente.

DDT, I suggest you brush up on your geography. Guinea, Guinea-Bissau and Equatorial Guinea are three separate countries. Guinea-Bissau is most certainly NOT referred to as "just" Guinea. Conte is the leader of Guinea, Joao Bernando Vieria, who looks well, is the leader of Guinea-Bissau. Vieira's not looking so well anymore. A tale of three Guineas, indeed. If we get any health updates on Sir Michael Somare, should we put them in here too?

Spontaneous Jade Goody Tony Hart tribute outside Tate Modern today. Always nice to hear Left Bank Two by the Noveltones.

She's clearly an idiot. Coventry's where it's happening.

Wow, what are the odds of the relatively famous Wendy Richard, and the far less famous Wendy Richards, dying on the same day? Amazing! I don't like your chances of getting the required obit for Wendy Richards though. But Wendy Richard is a shoo in. Likewise, I wouldn't be surprised if the unsung Keith Richard expires on the same day as Keith Richards, while complete nobody Chris Eubanks is likely to peg it when Chris Eubank does. And it's 100% certain that Stephen Hawkins is a goner on the day of Stephen Hawking's death.

Ground floor fatality, Departure and mortality, Clammy soil and purgatory Funeralwear, worm food... going down! (paah, papa pah pah pah, ker-ching etc) Written to the sound of Ronnie Hazlehurst.

Fancy helping to screw up the economy, damage countless people's lives and make £650k a year for life? Right, said Fred.

The crowd goes wild as Heath Ledger arrives at the 81st Annual Academy Awards.

It's a grave situation for the 'poor man's Vincent Price', Robert Quarry.

Sale begins. Pick 'n' mix 1p a bag. Er, make that £14,500 a bag. I hope there weren't too many coffee creams in there.

Everything about Max Clifford makes me feel nauseous. I think it's the constant tone of moral self-righteousness while spending his working life knee-deep in sh*t that I find so galling. There was a Louis Theroux film on him a couple of years ago that did nothing to change my opinion. The cu*t will probably sue me now.

The only troll bigger than this lives under the Sydney Harbour bridge. I'm not taking the bait. Thatch made out of dildos. grobler's gonna bust a nut.

Sting plays the bass...

Whitbread Prize-winning author Christopher Nolan has died aged 43. Nolan endured a most unfortunate life - he went to school with all of U2. He had severe cerebral palsy too.

And what with being linked to a Mexican drugs cartel as its main line of money laundering route, I don't think he will be seen in public any time soon. Grabbed by the feds. Ouch.

Alleged conman and cricket impresario Allen Stanford appears to have done a runner.

While the Hardon is down at Kwik-Fit, those damned Yanks are trying to pull a fast one by discovering the 'God particle' with their own accelerator, Tevatron. It reminds me of the famous US-UK space race of the 1960s, when Britain's Colin Pillinger (the Austin Powers of astronauts) became the first man to reach the moon in his pedal- and manure-powered rocket, Bumpkin IV, in early June 1969. Yeah baby. Incidentally, Peter Higgs, whose boson they're all frantically searching for, turns 80 in a couple of months.

He is the democratically elected president of his nation. You don't have to like that. You don't have to like him. At least he got his job with a bit more legitimacy than his colleague in the US. viva! Hein And plans on keeping it for a while by the look of things.

Those lovely people at Channel 4 and Endemol are surely missing a trick here. Why not bung Jade and a few other terminally-ill famewhores into a house and the last one to peg it gets a million quid they can give to their grieving relatives. Obviously, the tasks will have to be less challenging than usual - “day 4, and the remaining housemates must make a cup of tea… day 13, and Jade has to turn her head slightly to the left…” Call it Death Brother or Big Hospice, have Max Clifford do the voiceover, 24-hr coverage on E4 et voila - ratings gold, I tells ya.

She's 100 today. Her wiki page states "Mrs Gies no longer grants interviews after enduring a bout of severe ill health".