TAFKAG

I'm shocked and appalled by the disgraceful behaviour of Steven Gerrard. Requesting a Phil Collins record... Hello, I must be going to jail?

2008: Harold Pinter. One of the 20th century's most important dramatists, as well as being a great thinker and activist. Hell, he even has his own adjective in the dictionary. I await the shitstorm of Newman protests. Yeah, he was a good actor.

Wiki saying he's dead too, but that's not quite a guarantee. (Edit: he's wiki-alive again BCAlum must be horrified by all this teasing)

It's Bobby Robson Day (scroll down). He's meant to be making an appearance at today's game at St James' Park. But hopefully not for a while.

I'm afraid faith died on Christmas Day. (stupid pun #1) Faith no more. (stupid pun #2)

'Exit Stage Leftie'?

Santa's dead all right, but he managed to take some feckers with him. Obviously a stressful time of year for the auld fella.

Deathlist 14-4 The Football Forum. The referee has stopped the fight to save TFF taking further punishment.

Here's a... ... ... ... (glares meaningfully into middle distance) ... ... ... (brushes imaginary speck of dust from sleeve) ... ... ... ... link. 14th of the year, ties the record.

One less thieving dickwad, many more to go.

Mangling metaphors, power abhors a vacuum and the buzzards have swooped. "Damn, blast and buggeration! We picked the wrong f*****g Guinea", muses Simon Mann as he eats his daily cornflake.

Crockery company Whittards about to crash. Less "You Broke It, You Bought It" than "You Bought It, You Broke It".

Robert Mulligan, Oscar-nominated for his direction of To Kill a Mockingbird, has died.

If there was, I could use it to inform the waiting world that top Russian ballerina Olga Lepeshinskaya has departed for a pas de deux with her maker.

This campaign to get the low-hanging Socks the Cat on the 2009 list is a red herring; if any animal deserves a place it's the mighty Cheeta. Petition your local committee member!!

Oh good, lined up and shot to death at dawn like mangy dogs. Has the Glorious Revolution begun at last?

I nearly spilt my pint when I heard that.

Barry named as Time magazine's Person of the Year, narrowly pipping Andy Fordham, Karen Matthews and Dickie O'Sullivan.

I expect he's moving on to the third one as we speak, having deflowered the first two yesterday. Which makes me wonder, once he's done all of them what does he do then? Go back to the beginning? Even though they're no longer virgins? I bet his mate Bilal Abdulla wishes he was up there with him and the virgins. Instead, he's got at least 32 years down here with a bunch of hairy-arsed cons.

The judge sentencing him to three months for breaching a restraining order said Kershaw is hell-bent on self-destruction in what is becoming a "Greek tragedy". Move over Aulis, Tauris etc, and make way for the Isle of Man... Kershaw's been ex-wife bothering again. Andy, I think she's moved on.

"You sang for the Nazis." "No I bloody didn't. You take that back." "I won't. Make me." "Right, I'll see you in court." "Looking forward to it, you old Nazi-loving git." (court proceedings) "Ah well, you win some, you lose some. (Not world wars, obviously). Please buy my Christmas single, it's a dubstep version of Die Wacht am Rhein."

Bob's cultural legacy looks like being more than just a big book of corny jokes. Hopefully he was a fan of public information films and taped Reginald Molehusband and his pathetic parking, which has sadly been lost to posterity. For those too young to remember, PIFs were great - full of Kevin Keegan, Dave Prowse, Jimmy Savile, Rolf Harris... and the truly evil Donald Unpleasance.