Gunjaman5000

Swindled?

A generous man from Newcastle upon Tyne gives cigarettes away in Avatab.

I meant to post that the other day but ran out of time before I had to get to the airport. Great album, Stagger Lee gets my vote. Dark, camp, disturbing - everything a good Nick Cave track should be. Now completely off topic, I found this while looking for the Murder Ballads track. Hadn't heard it in years. Brilliant.

The world's supply of Dicks is waning, this sad news brings the world takes another small step towards Dicklessness.

It's a bit like having an each-way bet isn't it? Or enternal life for the atheist? I'd say the $28000 woman would hope they're able to reverse the ageing process in the future, or even less likely, the doctors of tomorrow will have found a cure for gullibility.

This little 'gem' is currently doing the rounds amoung the locals I work with. More accurate than funny (unless you've lived in these here parts that is), I thought I'd share nonetheless. Enjoy. DIARY OF A POMMIE IN WESTERN AUSTRALIA . August 31 - Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Port Hedland , Western Australia . Now this is a town that knows how to live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by the pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I've finally found my new home. I love it here. September 13 - Really heating up now. It got to 31 today. No problem though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a sun-worshipper. September 30th - Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here. October 10th - The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's windy though. Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatizing is taking longer than I expected. October 15th - Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed three days of work. What a dumb thing to do! Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this. October 20th - Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I left for work this morning. By the time I got back to the car after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat shit. I've earned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat. October 25 - This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant fuckin' blow dryer. And it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order parts from fuckin' Perth .... October 30th - The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't arrived for the fuckin' aircon. Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here? November 4 - Finally got the ol' aircon fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about 30. Stupid repairman. November 8 - If one more smart arse says 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to fuckin' throttle him. Fuckin' heat! By the time I get to work, the car's radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking fuckin' wet and I smell like baked cat! November 9 Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black leather upholstery in the ol' car. I thought my fuckin' arse was on fire. I lost two layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and my fuckin' arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat! November 10 - Weather report! It might as well be a fuckin' recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and fuckin' sunny! It's been too hot to do anything for two fuckin' months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. November 15 - Doesn't it ever rain in this damn fuckin' place? Water restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the fuckin' pool. The only things that thrive in this hell-hole are the fuckin' flies. You don't dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the fuckers! November 20th - Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 fuckin' degrees today. Now the air conditioner's gone in my car. The repair man came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?' I had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid fucker. Fuckin' Port Hedland! What kind of sick, demented fuckin' idiot would want to live here! December 1 - WHAT!!!! The first day of Summer!!!! You are fuckin' kidding!

I've been following with interest your northern weather woes and can sympathise somewhat, the temperature dropped below 30 degrees (celcius) last night, I nearly put a jacket on. It's hard work living in the tropics.

Given up hope for the poor old dead Pope? Nope.

I voted Iain/Dave, without whom we wouldn't have 'The Best Thread Ever' and our only certified celebrity posts; and what "anally discharged half-digested puddles of sweet corn" (if memory serves correctly - just checked, memory's not spot on but close enough) posts they were. I would have thought BHB deserved a spot, the 'Crow King' ought to have been there and got one of my votes; and the Royla Forumses gift to the Deathlist, Entropy, the pratical joke who backfired, would have got the other.

Van the man takes things a bit far. Has he never seen 'Ghost'?

Safe procedure my arse. Based on a quick search of Google images there didn't seem to be a hell of a lot wrong in the first place.

On behalf of all Edwards wolrdwide may I take this opportunity to thank Mr Woodward for giving fuckwits the false impression they're being both amusing and clever by repeating your name in 'funny' voices in front of us. Good on ya Eddie.

On the subject of extinct fish, Houston woman fries and eats ex's goldfish. Don't we have a Texan member with a few good fish recipes?

New Zealand entertainer Sir Howard Morrison dies. Sad day.

Missing Carbon there methinks.

May I be the first to salute the Battersea Power Station, made of bricks. Lots of them. Adorning Pink Floyd's album 'Animals' (which incidentally features minimal brick related musical content), it was my welcome to London on a grey March day late last century. Another of my favourite brick buildings is the brick house made by the third little pig, thwarting the wolf and his goal of creating a housing shortage in the pig market. I also like the Chrysler Building in New York which contains many, many bricks, although probably quite a few less than the Battersea Power Station. I've often shat bricks, worked with people as thick as them and been just another one of them. Bricks, couldn't agree more.

Vote with your feet Windsor. In ten years time you'll wonder why (and how) you put up with such a bunch of cnuts for so long anyway. Fock 'em I say.

I know this will go down like a lump of lead But Patrick Swayze will soon be dead Despite the fact that his films are sh*t I think he will be DLs first hit Shall poor Yvonne cry "sh*t" and "f*ck it" Now Patrick Swayze's kicked the bucket? I do not imagine that she'll be ecstatic, That Patrick's expired of disease pancreatic.

Truly a tremendous pity, I'm one of the many he inspired in the kitchen. If not to cook up meals of great quality and taste, then certainly to get quietly pissed while banging about a few pots and pans on the stove top.

I'm not sure I agree. I don't know if countless millions of Michael Jackson fans would either. Quite sad nonetheless, Unchained Melody at the funeral perhaps?

I'd go further and say that she's been put up to it... I'd go EVEN FURTHER and say the sooner any mention of GOODY and TWEED is lost from this site.....the better.... Why discuss vermin (let alone maggot-ridden ones).... So why discuss them? Good idea Godot, the sooner we stop discussing them discussion will end and we'll all forget about discussing them forever. Or at least until the 22nd of March next year when she'll be beatified. Saint Jade of East Angular perhaps.

You reminded me of my dear old uncle who proudly showed us his 'Ten pound Pom' ticket cancelled in the early sixties, traded in for a lifetime's work in quality control at Ford's in Liverpool. Great guy, poor decision. I mean if you're gonna have a sh*te job, at least have a decent climate to compensate.

Does this make him the only one of Joe and Rosie's boys to die in his sleep? One out of four ain't bad I suppose.

VB brought out a new campaign for the Ashes, my new ad. "Guys who peaked in high school..." Love it.

You are not being discriminated against solely because you have not procreated. If you think you are then you have some sort of complex. Parents with Prams car parks are there for parents with small children and prams that the have to load/unload, similar to disabled/wheelchair access car parks. If you ever have to load/unload a pram, shopping, small child and potentially another one that's as mobile as a greased pig, the you'd know why these car parks are required. Try to load/unload in a normal-sized spot, you risk destroying not only you car, but both cars on either side. Unloading handicapped adults, who likely consent to the whole idea and have some sense of decorum, would be a walk in the park compared to juggling shopping bags, kids, crying child, shopping trolley, pram, headache, sleep deprivation, smelly nappies, and any other number of things -- all happening simultaneously... And you're whinging because you want to park your big-arsed car in a spot set aside for parent with prams, just because you're too damn lazy to walk an extra few yards? If parking in normal spot makes you grit your teeth with frustration and rage, then I'd say you have a serious problem. Manifesting itself as rage against parents with prams is probably the thin end of the wedge. It sounds like you either need some pills from the Doctor or a serious voltage applied daily. Probably anally. You're nearly right. A whiney two year old can be strapped in to his/her car seat/pram and ignored. Takes a bit of effort some days (the ignoring that is) but it can be done quite easily. If it's that much of an effort leave the little buggers at home with partner/grand parent/friend and go to the shops by yourself. Add eighty years to that scenario and it's a completely different kettle of fish. A two year old falls getting out of the car, you pick him up, give him a cuddle, buy him an icecream. Elderly father falls getting out of the car, you get help picking him up, ignore protestations that everything's fine, visit the GP, get refered to the hospital for xrays. All in all a fun day out for everyone. Having done both, I wouldn't seriously compare them. Give me the whiney two year old any day. At least you get ice cream.