Madcow

You really are a stupid c.u.n.t aren't you. absolutely.

I see that they're moving the hunt to Australia now. Well, the weather has been crap here and I'm sure Kate & Gerry could do with a holiday. Better leave the twins behind though - you know what dingos can be like when they find unattended children!

I'm sorry but I see this this from the other side. If we gave your information to all and sundry without having established you were who you said you were and you were frauded you'd be the first to complain. It's a myth that fraudsters only target hight networth accounts, it's your average person's account that is most at risk as fraudsters want to test the system with a normal account first before they go for the big guns. Customers can be muppets too. We recently had a guy write to us and his letter included, his User ID, his password, his distinct name, his contact details, also attached was his passport with his d.o.b, p.o.b, signature and passport number and he couldn't understand why doing that was a security risk. If you want to moan, moan about fraudsters or idiotic customers who are the reason we have these security measures and not about the person trying to protect your money. Sorry, I've worked both sides of this act and it's still a big pile of poo. Yes, there are some dumb asses out there who are clueless (mostly working at the Abbey, probably) but I cannot think of one instance where this act has helped me not hindered. Apart from anything else, why would I be phoning the bank if I've just nicked the card? I don't think Albanian fraudsters bother to check my last three account transactions before emptying the account. Also, if I phoned you and said I was from BT and you owed me £62.47 and could you confirm your address and DOB and then pay me using your debit card, the DPA will not help me, common sense will. If I worked my way through the phone book, I bet I'd make a tidy profit by the end of the day. However, if I want to pay my mum's phone bill, I can't because I can't pass her security. DPA = CRAP

The Data Protection Act. I hate it with a vengeance. Foreigners phone you at all hours of the day, who already have all your data (so what's been protected?) and harass you to answer all sorts of personal questions. Why should I confirm MY details when I don't have a freakin' clue that they're who they say they are? If you want something from me SEND ME A fekin LETTER! I wanted to check my last transactions at the Abbey Bank, so I phoned Customer Services. I failed security because I couldn't tell them the last three transactions on the account. That was what I wanted to know, but could I get that through to the script reading slumdog muppet? Could I hell. Data Protection - Waste of time and energy - I have to have my cards changed every couple of months because the only people that can get info on my account are the bloody thieves!

'that's the way it was' But I don't think the Grim Reaper needs any help with finding a clever title. Yeah, but that doesn't need to stop us from playing the game too! and Bobby Robson, bless his baggy shorts, has got his headline immediately. Poor old Walter still just 'dies'. Gone and Forgotten?

Saddened to hear of the death of John Ryan, creator of Capt. Pugwash, Sir Prancelot and Mary, Mungo & Midge. Many happy hours glued to the box when I was very young! Post moved [HCW]

'that's the way it was' But I don't think the Grim Reaper needs any help with finding a clever title. Yeah, but that doesn't need to stop us from playing the game too!

No obit yet. Is this because they can't think of a snappy headline? Might I suggest 'Walter Gone-kite' ?

Funnily enough, I had that exact issue at Sainsburys, the assistant offered to show me where the dog brushes were. I wasn't sure if he was just being overly helpful or a bit of a smart arse, either way, spotty git! Maybe I looked that tangled, it wouldn't be the first time. I found the hairbrushes today. Were they next to the hairspray, shampoo, other hairstyling equipment in the beauty aisle labelled 'hairstyling'? No, of course not. They were at the end of the crisp aisle next to the batteries. Stupid me. I thought I'd grab a cheap hairbrush at Tesco last week, when I forgot to pack one to go on a short break. I also took about 40 minutes to discover them nowhere near haircare and then they wanted nearly seven quid. Ballcocks to that!, thought I and didn't bother brushing my hair for the week.

How come he is immediately No 1 in all the charts? Did the record shops stock up in anticipation of his death? Did he really die two weeks ago, giving them time to stock up? Are they just inventing sales? Surely all MJ fans own these records already and the rest of us wouldn't have his stuff anywhere near our pride and joys. So who is buying them?

check out this website: http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/ It's one of my favourites and today is no exception.

Ooo....ooo......another thought just struck me! What do they do with the body? It wont rot if they bury it. It'll melt and clog the burners if they go for a fry up. Is it fully recyclable? or could they just prop it up in the local waxworks?

Maybe Maddy can come out of hiding now - she was too young to realise he only liked boys.

How I wish I'd put money on at William Hill's when he announced the big stint at the O2. I said he wouldn't do it but I thought he'd just throw an insurance fraud. Kudos, Michael, you had me fooled on that one. But, let's be honest, Michael Jackson died in the 80's and was replaced by something so freaky and unlike MJ that the world couldn't see it was a fake. This morning, small children all over the world can, at least partially - we mustn't forget the menace that is Madonna, the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang child catcher- heave one huge collective sigh of relief and come out from under their beds. The most famous child molesting perve in history is no more!

aaah......then we are one with our thoughts! No! I am am individual. I will not comply!

Never heard of him. And even after googling, I a) still haven't heard of him and 2) think he needs a f'ucking good haircut. I think I'd rather shag your husband as well. ..............and he bears more than a passing resemblance to Homer Simpson these days! The boy needs to wash his hair. Pluck his eyebrows, get a nose job etc etc. The list is endless.

Never heard of him. And even after googling, I a) still haven't heard of him and 2) think he needs a f'ucking good haircut. I think I'd rather shag your husband as well. ..............and he bears more than a passing resemblance to Homer Simpson these days!

I worked in a Sales Ledger Dept for 4 years and had the words 'Finance Dept' on my pay slip. The day my payslip said I worked for 'Compliance' I knew it was time to leave.

Sorry - got to rant about this one! Just read that Heat Magazine (who reads that sh*t anyway?) have voted Robert Pattinson to be the Sexiest Man Alive. What? Have they looked at him? He's fugly. I'd rather shag my husband.........

A couple of years ago, a friend passed away. It was a sad time for all who knew him, as he was only 29. En masse, we gathered in the church for the service and waited in silence as the vicar solemnly announced "Today, we are here to give thanks for The Life of Brian" How I tried to subdue my mirth. I smothered my mouth, I held my breath and eventually had to make strangled wooting noises whilst banging my head against the church wall. Luckily, most people thought I was just overwhelmed with grief. This was not the first time I have had to resort to this tactic at a funeral. The first time being when my Grandma was cremated. She'd always been Nanny to me. It never occured to me that she even had a name. It came as a bit of a shock find her name was Doris Ethel. My sister didn't know either. The pair of us were in tears laughing. How have you put the 'fun' in funeral?

Drove through 'Spital in the Street' last weekend (a bit north of Lincoln). Had to wash the tyres afterwards. Heehee.

I have a friend who would like to be carried in by male strippers on stilts.

Ah, you are a Doors fan, MC? My favs. I, personally, would go for The End...an edited version, of course. Yep, I can see that too. But don't forget that 'death makes angels of us all and gives us wings, where we once had shoulders smooth as raven's claws' Such poetry. Can't beat a good bit of JM! I seem to recall my big sister having his photo on our bedroom wall between Tony Curtis and Georgie Best. That's Red Bull, surely? Yeah. Do you think the rest of The Doors could sue?

Ah, you are a Doors fan, MC? My favs. I, personally, would go for The End...an edited version, of course. Yep, I can see that too. But don't forget that 'death makes angels of us all and gives us wings, where we once had shoulders smooth as raven's claws' Such poetry. Can't beat a good bit of JM! I seem to recall my big sister having his photo on our bedroom wall between Tony Curtis and Georgie Best.

I would like 'The Severed Garden' by The Doors. My daughter has selected Bon Jovi's 'Sleep when I'm dead' I also want people to bring chocolate instead of flowers and they are to stuff themselves silly at the after party (think how much chocolate you can get for the price of a wreath).