Spade_Cooley

On the Third Way Out?

Arthur Treacher didn't answer the butler's bell today in 1975. The first man to play Jeeves on-screen, his performance irritated PG Wodehouse so much that he refused to allow any more adaptations of his work. He later became the go-to guy when Hollywood needed a butler/stuffy Englishman, and lent his name to America's largest fish-and-chips franchise chain.

I predict that this year's Worlds in the darts will be rammed full of cloying video montages for Phil Taylor, who will be completely uninspired in his play crushing jobbers and pocketed veterans until he loses to the first decent opposition he faces.

Dad's dead, mum's still alive.

One that was always on the outskirts of a long list for me that I'll throw into the mix here: John Cena's brother has had an inoperable brain tumour since 2012. The fact he's still with us makes me think it can't be that bad, as far as inoperable brain tumours go, but who knows?

DDT sprinkling his tips throughout the forum in the DDP build-up like

Let people know that you can''t be a paedo, because you're a racist.

Cancer mums? In t'dead pool?

Leslie Crowther would have been a nice slow-burning thread: between his admission to alcohol rehab in 1989 and his death in 1996, you had hosting three series of Stars In Their Eyes ("oooh he looks a bit shaky there, is he back on the bottle?"), his 1992 car crash and subsequent spell in a coma ("Come on, just need him to hold on for the start line of the 1993 DDP"), his retirement from showbiz in 1994 ("Can't believe the Committee didn't put him on the list this year"), his fleeting appearances on TV in the following few years ("Anyone catch him on June Whitfield's This Is Your Life? Also, we need to start a thread for June, she'll be gone soon"), and his eventual death in 1996.

Peter Kay cancels his stand-up comeback tour, along with all other upcoming work, as far ahead as [edit: 2019] .He says "family reasons", which either means he's been caught shagging around or someone close to him is on the way out. The fact that The Sun chooses to randomly shove his wife's name in the SEO headline for this story makes me wonder.

Two-time Olympic gold medallist in rowing Simon Dickie dies after a balcony fall aged 66.

Former Gogglebox irritating-cackler Sandra Martin has been forced to quit panto after just one performance as 'The Spirit of the Ring' in Aladdin. She claims it's because of high blood pressure, rumours elsewhere say it's because she turned up pissed as a fart. Neither suggest sparkling health.

Hayden Haitana, Australian racing trainer, dead at 72. Would have been utterly unnotable were it not for the fact he was the trainer at the centre of the Fine Cotton scandal, arguably the most notorious use of a ringer in sporting history. For those who don't know the tale, the plan to replace below-mediocre racehorse Fine Cotton with a superior horse fell apart when they were forced to use house paint to add "white spots" to the beast's coat. The nag going from 33/1 to 7/2 didn't help disguise suspicion either.

Yes you can.

That's like a throwback to a late 90s Ogrish video, fantastic content.

I always assumed it was a joke, but goddamn people really do enter a lot of already dead people in the DDP.

Cheggers' Days Stop

Weird how he's never settled down with a nice girl, must be enjoying the bachelor lifestyle too much.

There's always one boxer that falls into a coma in December to trouble your DDP longlist, and this year it's 26-1-0 super middleweight Erik Skoglund, who lost to Callum Smith earlier this year.

And to completely 100% prove that I am not attempting to gain an edge even in something as minor as the Theme League, I submit my theme team here now. While The Dog Is Pissing On Their Feet A team of people who have told the legendary Aristocrats joke on-camera: 1. Pat Cooper (joker) 2. Andy Dick 3. Billy Connolly 4. Bruce Vilanch 5. Chuck McCann 6. David Steinberg 7. Dick Smothers 8. Eric Idle 9. Fred Willard 10. Jackie Martling 11. Kevin Nealon 12. Kevin Pollak 13. Larry Storch 14. Martin Mull 15. Paul Krassner 16. Richard Lewis 17. Rip Taylor 18. The Amazing Jonathan 19. Tim Conway 20. Tom Smothers

Global fame of Leslie Phillips vs Alain Delon is a toss-up if you ask me. Might just give it to Delon because he was a bigger star at his peak, but Phillips has Potter in his back catalogue for the kids. Admittedly, Delon has at least one live-action Asterix the Gaul film.

Just having a skim through the longlist I compiled earlier this year that obviously stopped when I made a decision to host the 2018 DDP. I think I halted in March/April time. Alexander Paul, Mitchell Henry... what great picks they would have been if they'd managed another six months.

Looks legit-ish. Although there's no records, the guy who added it to Wikipedia appears to be a Sri Lankan who has a long history of relevant edits. Edit:

I did "On A Ragga Tip" once. Not recommended. Also not recommended: "United States of Whatever" by Liam Lynch

Anyone who thinks they should have had an email that hasn't, please DM me your address so I can check what went wrong/blame your junk settings. Edit: Hotmail users may like to check their junk settings.