Memento Mori

He's being moved to an open prison - looks like his time inside will be 'Club Tropicana' compared to what most cons have to endure.

A man is walking through a forest one day, when he encounters an attractive woman sitting at the foot of a huge tree. ''Kiss me,' she says; 'or climb the tree to success.'' Now, the man, believing himself to be a hot bit of stuff, therefore far too good for this moderately attractive woman, decides to climb the tree. A short distance up, he encounters another woman - this time, a very pretty girl sitting on a bough. ''Kiss me,'' she says; 'or climb the tree to success''. The man declines and presses on, as this girl, pretty as she is, is in no way worthy of a second glance from him. A few feet from the top, he encounters an extremely beautiful woman. ''Kiss me, or climb right to the top to success,'' she says. Now, the guy - greedy, vain bastard that he is, rejects her offer, opting instead, to make it to the top. All manner of fantasies go through his mind as he nears the top. Visions of breathtakingly beautiful women dance before his mind's eye. What wonders await me?, he thought, as he finally reached the top. Instead of the bevy of beauties and riches he had anticipated, he was taken aback to find a toothless, naked, hideously ugly old man, seated on the uppermost bough. The grotesque creature smiled. ''Welcome,'' he said; 'I'm Cess..''

Link Toupee or comb over? Toupee - definitely.

Lib Dem peer Richard Livsey has died.

Thanks HCW, although I could do without that white clad German bloke making today all about him!. Also, Happy Birthday Lardy, have a good one

According to those ''Test the Nation'' tests most of everyone I know was in the 'top ten per cent'. The Mensa test is allegedly the most accurate.

Did you ever see both of them at the same time and in the same room? No, funnily enough I don't reckon that snooker is GM's thing - wrestling would be more to his taste, I'd imagine..

She was made to drop the title of ''doctor'' when her credentials were found to be less than kosher, upsetting the thousands of disciples who had been struggling (and straining) to create the perfect conker coloured s**t.

I think there is a greater threat from the Orange Order... Then again, both the Orange Order and the radical Halibut could be pipped at the post by the woman who knocked JRatz to the ground during last Xmas's Vatican shindig, should she decide to step it up a gear.

If only he'd enlisted the aid of s**t sniffing food nazi, Gillian Mc Keith, he could have spared himself the agony..

Am I crazy, blind or possibly both, but does anybody else think that Georgie Boy in his younger days bore a resemblance to snooker star Stephen Hendry?

He should keep his head down while he's inside, if you ask me. As too many ''Careless Whispers'' could lead to a very painful knifing in the b*****ks.

I heard that he's planning on releasing ''Freedom 2010'' from his prison cell.

Really sorry if I caused offence. To clarify, I have all the sympathy in the world for a young person who chooses to end his or her life because of bullying or any other form of abuse.

Perhaps some disgruntled soul will take a pot shot at the pope (or JRatz as I like to call him) on Thursday. Should that happen, things would certainly get livelier...

Fair point Mary. Hopefully others will follow. Looking back on this thread, I do wonder what happened to The Pooka. That fellow was fuggin class! Did he used to live in Bridgend? Just had a quick look at his profile, he hasn't been on here for in almost a year, and he does list suicide amongst his interests....

Never fear, I fully intend too. I was under the illusion that I was the sickest bastard out there until I discovered this site, thankfully, I'm no longer alone in my irreverent little universe!

He fucked someone. He got caught. He's still a twat. End of story.... Thanks. I thought it must have been something like that. So Coleen. What first attracted you to the potato head, jug eared, pug faced multi millionaire Wayne Rooney? Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Colleen his childhood sweetheart? If so, then the girl's got a freakish taste in men, as his bank balance wouldn't have been all that impressive back then.

A few years back, there were four suicides within a short space of each other in the village where I lived. After the second one, we became slightly unnerved, but by the fourth the sense of unease had turned to paranoia. Some people had convinced themselves that some unnatural force was to blame, while others blamed it on a possible contamination of the water supply. Some of us, however, had a bit of fun in trying to guess who would next succumb to the homemade noose..

He has now apparently been rushed to hospital having attempted to take his own life. sorted for you He's a bloody tranny He's actually a very convincing one, I never guessed. I blame my ignorance on the fact that I've never been a fan of BB, which I watched only when there was nothing better on the box. But she's had all the surgery - surely that makes he a she? Beg pardon - ''she''..

He has now apparently been rushed to hospital having attempted to take his own life. sorted for you He's a bloody tranny He's actually a very convincing one, I never guessed. I blame my ignorance on the fact that I've never been a fan of BB, which I watched only when there was nothing better on the box.

Actor Anthony Perkins who played Norman Bates in Psycho, died on this day in 1992.

She's lasting longer than I thought. That woman must have the constitution of a behemoth!

No, I too don't really like it although I do have a page (Is that the mot juste?) I won't have my picture on it and although I have responded to 'friends' requests I generally just ignore them and log on about once a fortnight(ish). My super HTC Desire has Facebook built in and I am amazed and unnerved at how it all hangs together. In cyberspace there is nowhere to hide.............. Glad to see I'm not the only one. I've never been tempted to create a Facebook account - hearing my sister drone on and on about Ghosttrappers and Farmville is enough to put anyone off for life! Not to mention the probability of being contacted by ex colleagues and classmates, usually, there's a valid reason why one would choose to lose contact with said people to begin with...

Am I the only person who loathes Facebook and refuses to have anything to do with it?