Hello, and welcome to the Knockout extravaganza, The Deathlist Cup. Twists and turns, drama, shocks, grumpy hosts, this thing has it all. The only deadpool I ever will run.
We're back in February, so, if the first round draw happens on the 20th January, this gives everyone 18 days to decide if they want to enter the Cup or not, and there's already several confirmations. In 2017, deadsox beat Spade, he beat DDT and he beat Death Impends to win the first ever Deathlist Cup. In 2018, Sir Creep got to the final in swashbuckling form, only to find wily old DDT too much. Will DDT go two for two, or will another deadpool heavyweights fight back? Or will anyone win? Willz got to the Quarterfinals last year despite doubting his own ability all the way - outlasted one DDP winner in the process. It's a Cup, skill is good but so is luck. Come one, come all, and look at the new rules...
Some Basic Rules which I've tried to explain as simply as possible, but which are open for questions about how obvious things I've forgotten work.
The Deathlist Cup
1. This will be a knockout tournament featuring one on one matchups between Deathlist forum posters. These matches will be determined by use of a random draw, using Random.org.
2. If we have an odd number of players ie 30 like in 2017, then certain players will get byes to the Second Round. This will be based on results from the 2018 Cup ie Winner first, then Runner up, semifinalists, etc etc.
3. Players, on receiving their randomly drawn opponent, will have a ten day period to send the Referee their First Eleven for the match by PM, and one sub in case of an early death. These eleven picks can be very low hanging fruit if you so wish, as the point of the game is to score as many “goals” during the month a match is played.
ie, a perfect team would look like this
1. Alan Alda
2. Jeb Bush
3. George Bush Jr
4. Bill Clinton
5. Hilary Clinton
6. Barack Obama
7. Jimmy Carter
8. Walter Mondale
9. John Major
10. Tony Blair
11. Donald Trump
12. Melania Trump
13. Dick Cheney
14. Sarah Palin
As an example. Though in reality, that team would be shit for actually scoring points...
4. PROHIBITIONS – The following picks will be PROHIBITED ie NOT ALLOWED: death row prisoners, anyone who is a prisoner of ISIS or similar terrorist groups, people solely famous for being ill and nothing else, animals, no kids (that’s anyone under the age of 18), no one missing in action who blatantly died already.
5. For clarification, my views on Famous for Being Ill are extremely lenient by forum standards. Is your pick an obscure in their own field type, like a historian from Trinidad? They’re fine. Is your pick someone who is in coma due to a heart attack, or a dad on his last Christmas, or the like, the type no one would have heard of for anything? Don’t pick them, there’s PLENTY of other better options. There’s enough Kate Bowler (published academic, cancer) types in the world that you don’t need Kate Cancer Mum of the Mirror Sob Story. Thank you.
2019 note - This will be stricter in 2019, but 99.9% of picks never worry it. More Marsh Pratley, champion angler, and less pregnant mum discovers her baby is actually a terminal nuclear bomb, or what not.
6. If in doubt, submit a pick, but the decision of the ref (me) is final and is not open to any court of appeal. If you think it’s a dodgy pick, it probably is. If you think the ref is a grumpy Glaswegian, well, he is.
7. Each match will take place over the course of a single month. For example, a February match would take place from February 1st to February 28th (or 29th on a leap year), a March match from March 1st to March 31st and so on...
8. If you do not send your team in before the deadline, your opponent from the previous round takes your place. If neither has a team in, the opponent in the next round has a bye, and I hold a grudge. Hah.
9. Games will be scored in the following manner:
A person in your team dies = 3 points
A unique person in your team dies = 1 more point (ie 1 bonus point) NEW: Fatality – Your joker. Double points
Someone famous only for being ill dies – 0 points because not in the team (hah, bet you thought I wasn’t paying attention here)
10. Here is what happens in the case of a team member dying prematurely (ie on 28th Feb for the March game). If you discover this before the 3rd of the month, your top sub will automatically go into place. If it is discovered on the 3rd or after, sorry about your luck. If it turns out the person was dead and known to be (this is determined via a reference in a newspaper or magazine, not social media) then subs don’t come into play. This was a bone of contention in 2017 AND 2018 and I hope this clears that up. If it bloody well doesn’t I’m instituting a Hewlett Rule in 2020 if still alive!
11. At the end of the month, the player in the match with the highest score wins that game, and will advance to the next round. The player who doesn’t have the highest score will lose, and be eliminated.
12. In the event of a draw, the following tiebreaks will be used:
1st tiebreak = number of hits
2nd tiebreak = average age of hits
3rd tiebreak = flip of a coin
4th tiebreak if needed = asking my child which team has the cooler name (heh)
13. A player is only held to one team for a single match. If they win their match and advance to the next round, they may pick eleven entirely different people for the next round. In this way, folk who announce their terminal illness in, say, May, can be put to good deadpooling use.
14. Qualifying obits? Every single English language newspaper or magazine (ie Bleeding Cool for example) in the universe. Also Le Monde, Le Figaro, Der Spiegel, Die Zeit, El Pais and El Mundo. If you still can’t get a QO, well, really… The referee (msc) may make a judgement call based on what he is provided with, and that call will be final. Forum posts on Deathlist, and your own blog don't count, sorry.
15. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IF YOU ARE GOING TO GET BANNED FROM THE FORUM, PLEASE SEND ME YOUR TEAM FOR THE NEXT MONTH IN ADVANCE. AND IF YOU DO GET BANNED, sending me “I hope your kids die” Private Messages will not get you reinstated. Just a heads up.
Death Impends, msc, YoungWillz and JoeyRuss hypothetically take part.
Random.org gives us these matches:
1. Death Impends v msc (feck)
2. YoungWillz v JoeyRuss
This draw takes place in Month 1 (ie January) and is for matches taking place in Month 2 (February). After the draw, each player sends The Referee (ie msc) a team of Eleven Celebrities they think will snuff it in Month 2.
Then, for the results:
Joey scores in Month 2 with a big name celebrity and a unique but obscure punk music historian.
Young Willz gets a unique big name celebrity.
The score is 7-4 to Joey, who advances to the next round.