Windsor

Sounds like the wee bastard deserved a smack (although smashing in his skull with a weight may be a tad too far). I think the teacher should be let off. He would have the best behaved class in the school.

2nd Earl Haig has died aged 91. He was on my top 50 the previous 2 years.

If you know anybody with a pet parakeet, record the sound of the chirping bird. Then play the tape around your house. That would make it less quiet, and on top of that you don't have to feed it or clean it. Everyones a winner. But anyway - deepest sympathies...

A new picture of Ronnie Biggs. Not looking affa well.

Ronnie Biggs. Mainly because I forgot about Walter Cronkite.

Thank you all for your kind messages on my 4th DL anniversary. Looking forward to the 5th already.

She wasn't Scotland's oldest person. The Herald, The Scotsman and the BBC have, as usual, got their facts wrong. There are at least two Scots older than her still living!! One of them lives blocks away from me in a nursing home and she is set to turn 110 in December! Ah well. I did think 108 was a bit young. Edit:

Scotland's oldest person, Elizabeth Cockburn, has died aged 108. I think that probably makes Marion Richardson Scotland's oldest person. She too is 108 and was called for Jury duty in March. That is if she is still living...

Maggie is home again. Doesn't look like she has a clue whats going on.

I had an odd dream last night. It was set in Roman times and I was there. I didn't actually do anything but was floating about as you do. I seemed to be following some kind of high Roman official. Anyway, he was an asshole. In the end he was forced to flee or something. He ran to some sort of temple with his spouse, closed the doors and burned himself to death. It was quite random. I didn't even know any of the characters...

I'm surprised at the genuine grief even at a local level over Jackson's death. I know some sick fokers, including one of my friends who made many a joke about Jade Goody when she died. Anyway, last night I was speaking to him and said I had been sent some crackers of jokes about Jackson and asked if he would like to hear them. He declined because he respects Michael Jackson. Again at work, my boss was slagging off Michael Jackson for being a kiddie fiddler. A female member of staff - a fan of Jackson's - then went in a huff and started slagging the boss for being disrespectful. Normally these people would laugh away at any sick celebrity jokes, but with Michael Jackson it seems to hit a nerve.

My god...I now have my own theme tune...

That must be pretty annoying trying to walk down that street. Try and trip over all the sh*te and stick in a compo claim.

Being single when fat, ugly munts of folk seem to be getting along blissfully. I work with one hideous creature who is always slagging me for being single. Even she has a long term relationship yet still there are no takers for me. I don't mind being single, but I object to people who are tons uglier than me settling down and being happy. It's not fair. Then again, the ugly sloth only bagged her man by getting pregnant. She told him it was his, but I have spoken to numerous people who tell me it can't be his. So if I get any more sh*te from her, I'll be pointing her man to the stage of Jeremy Kyle.

They can join the waiting list after the bastards at my work. An update - the lady in the office (head of the Stuart Clan and keen on patronage) got married last Saturday. The Monday beforehand, the wedding was on. From Tuesday to Wednesday it was off again, and then it was back on from Wedneday until they happy couple gave their vows. Anyway, the word is that the office lady's new husband said something hurtful to office lady's son (who has worked in the kitchen and I hate). So he went to his sister's (who has worked in the kitchen and I hate) house (which she is letting with her other sister (who currently works in the kitchen and I hate) from her mother) and told said sister what happened. That sister then drove out to her mum and 'step-fathers' house to confront step-father. They had a big row. Office lady sided with her daughter which led to an argument between the soon to be bride and groom. During the argument he told his soon to be bride to get out of his house (emphasising it was in his name) and shouting and bawling that she was only after his money (probably not untrue). So then the office lady stormed out of future hubby's house to he own house which she was letting out to her family. Whilst in that house, she was shitting herself because her future husbands name had been put on the deeds to that house also. Couldn't have happened to a better lot. I should add that this relationship stemmed from two affairs. The groom left his ill wife (parkinsons) to shack up with the office lady. The office lady went behind the back of her long term boyfriend to be with him. I am reliably informed that office lady has broken up three marriages in total. In short, they are all a bunch of melons and they will all surely get whats coming to them.

I started at 11.57pm last night. Too soon?

Faked his life, just like the rest of us. I've never pretened.

Probably not. There are also rumours that Harrison Ford has died on Twitter. People are just getting over excited. What, whilst actually ON it? That's the price you pay for getting down with the kids I suppose.. Ok...there are rumours on twitter that Harrison Ford had died...

Probably not. There are also rumours that Harrison Ford has died on Twitter. People are just getting over excited.

I know Diana was depicted as a saintly figure, but I had no idea that they made her Pope. Besides, Mother Theresa was a cow.

Like buses and plane crashes, let's hope celebrity deaths come in threes. Maggie T would be an excellent one to round the week off. Cronkite is dying according to a link given by DDT. Is that big enough?

Nobody cares. Michael Jackson just died.

It is reported that Michael Jackson was able to whisper one last message to the paramedics before he died... "Put me on the childrens ward".

Wey! Hello there ie+.