Windsor

July and after works for us...

She's clearly an idiot. Coventry's where it's happening. Why doesn't he go the whole hog and move to Fraserburgh? If you have ever watched that Scottish soap 'River City', you would know that every Glaswegian moves to Aberdeen to make a better life for themselves. It is like the new world...

You would have thought that the BBC would want to tone it down after their recent exploits...

Be interesting if she gets any take up - what with holiday companies struggling as it is.... She won't get anything when Jade Goody is still on the scrounge...

I'm going with Billy Graham. I think I went with Atkin last time, but I'm getting fed up of her.

Wendy Richard was the second hit of 2009. She was the 176th hit since 1987. The 2009 list is now in 20th place out of a possible 23 lists. I daresay she was a very popular pick on the DDP. I put her on mine, but failed to pick Goody.

Nobody guessed Richard (or at least nobody did up to 13.31pm (26/02/09). We really aren't good at this, are we?

It has been reported on the BBC. Wendy Richard dies.

It's an equaliser for Dave ... one dead child each now. Indeed - but Brown still has one sick kid left up his sleeve doesn't he?

Was my Jade Goody joke ok? Sorry for any offence caused. I'm a man, look at me....

What do you mean? Our system killed off Jade Goody. Surely that counts for something?

I seem to have made it onto the page...Cringe Cult of Celebrity in Fraserburgh. I would like you thank the party who nominated me. To sit along side the 'Marconi Road Gadgie', Dennis Nilsen and 'Burry the Scurry' truly is an honour.

It's sad to see that you, unlike Ms Roy, haven't made the Fraserburgh Local Characters list, Windy. Or maybe you have, Charlie Flapper Lugs...? Sadly not, no. Perhaps one day, should I become a junkie, whore or woman beater, I will be added to the list of notables. To be ranked alongside Ms Roy and Junkie Ronnie should be every 'Brocher's' dream. Lard, sorry t' heer thit yer mams nae deid. Maybe nixt time.

I gave up fizzy juice in March of last year...thus I will continue not to have fizzy juice...

News which may interest Lard Bazard: Fraserburgh's most notorious whore is said to have hanged herself. She was known locally for 'befriending' old men for anything from cash to a place to live. If her charm didn't work, she would often break her way into the house and take what she wanted. She was banned from entering the town at one point. Her name was Yvonne Roy. These are unconfirmed reports... Any luck Lard?

In the sense that they are both stupid slappers who will be taken before their time?

The birth father is Jeff Braizer. He is like a Z lister celebrity who would be unknown were it not for Jade. He used to do kids TV, but has most recently turned to reality TV (a show called the farm). If I remember correctly he also did Celebrity wife swap. Wouldn't surprise me if he does make moves to get the cash - especially if Jack ends up back in prison.

Luckily Fred Phelp's Westboro Baptist Church has been banned from entering the UK. That would be a fun funeral to picket...

I did say that he may be worth a punt some time late last year. Unfortunately he didn't make it to my DDP, but he is on my shadow list.

Get well soon.

Recent polls suggest that less than a third of Scots actually support independence. The odd poll, pounced on by the SNP, shows support close to 50% (usually with conditions attached). One such condition would be 'if the Tories were in power...', which actually gave the Independence movement a majority. However, when it comes to the crunch, I doubt people will actually vote for independence based on who resides at number 10. Lets face it - should the Tories win in 2010, the people of Scotland will have more on their agenda than independence. The fact that two of Scotland's largest banks would have collapsed without being bailed out by the UK taxpayer will be of great use to dampen Scottish confidence. As well as that, the SNP have failed in every policy proposal since being elected in 2007. Lets face it, in two years their most significant policy to pass was the abolition of the Student Endowment Fee - a move which has left Scottish Universities worse off. Everything else has been waffle, political grandstanding and fight-picking. When the bank crisis was emerging, what were back bench SNP MSPs doing? Bringing forward a motion to have Mary Queen of Scots' remains repatriated to Scotland. They seem to neglect the fact that she spent the majority of her life trying to take up residence in London! The SNP have ignored the advice of their own advisors, and neglected nuclear power. Instead they claim that Scotland can generate enough energy using wind, wave and hydro power. This has been almost definatively rubbished, yet they continue to refuse nuclear power as a viable option. Perhaps it would be one failed policy too far? Another embarrasing climb down? I hope, for one, that they continue to reject the nuclear option. Then they will be left red-faced when the lights start going out in Scotland! regards Windsor the Doom-monger

It is probably a good thing I didn't write to the paper. Reading both the Fraserburgh Herald and the P+J, I was informed that her husband, Alistair Melville, died earlier this week aged 67. He was not as popular as the report suggests. He was regarded to be a moaning faced bastard who poked his nose into everybody elses business. He and his wife Mary write letters to the Fraserburgh Herald almost on a weekly basis - always signed 'Alistair and Mary Melville'. They are just one of those couples - a right pair of arseholes. At least with his death, I now only have the one of them to contend with!

Another local one. For some time now I have been displaying a quote from Vice-Chairwoman of Fraserburgh Community Council, Mary Melville. Given that she has practically said that Fraserburgh is a dump, FCC recently decided what the town really needs. The solution to the problem will be to restore a statue! Not just any statue though - a statue of the 16th Lord Saltoun. By the way, Mary Melville is a great fan of the 16th Lord Saltoun. In May 2008 she wrote a two part biography of the man for the Fraserburgh Herald. Now FCC decide to give that Lord Saltoun a face lift? I think it is a bloody cheek. She slags off the town for being shite, then wastes a ton of money on a bloody statue that nobody gives a rats ass about. I was going to write to the Fraserburgh Herald - but decided against it. Thought I'd tell you guys instead.

Maybe she just thinks she has got terminal cancer. The master of the plan is none other than Jack Tweed! He shaved the silly cows hair off, told her she has cancer, used it to rake in a lot of cash, and will kill her in a few months once he has milked every last dollar of sympathy. He has the means (she is a stupid c**t) and the motive (get rid of the stupid c**t). The money is simply a bonus. (I would love to see Jessica Fletcher reach a conclusion like that).

When will they realise that nobody really gives a flying f**k about Jade Goody? I hope all of this isn't giving Keey Katona any ideas... If you really want to drop some links: Jade Goody Support Group Wish Jade Goody Well Or Slag her off in person. If you look hard enough, you may see one of my comments on one of those pages. Left it a few months ago...