Windsor

Carter Released

You guys must be reading different news to me. He'll survive to 2017 at least.

Lets say April 1st...2017

By the time this comes up again I expect the First Minister will have had to resign for using the police to spy on journalists.... Well, momentarily due to a phrasing cock-up. They apparently plan to try again, with the word "Glasgow" used.

250th DL hit.

I missed my own 10th anniversary on DL (3rd July).

He will survive...without the need of a by-election.

Kohl, Whoever it is will be the 249th DL hit. Get the party-poppers ready for the 250th...

Don't you mean David?...

I read that when it first came out, I'll have to give it another go. This is/was his last film. Maybe that's why they left it until today to release the news. Lars Ole? Sounds an awful lot like...

Christopher Lee died 4 days ago. Here's the footage:

Strange way to "announce" a death of such a well known man!

This joke would have worked much better if you were able to spell. Here's a word that's quite easy to spell - TWAT. It woulda worked better if the average age of those reading the joke was 16. SC PS in the words of Monty Python, "I preferred the dirty version." Unfortunately most 16 year olds would probably look blankly at you the same as if you tried the old chestnut from the eighties: What is the difference between Domestos and Princess Grace of Monaco? I happened to mention Victor Meldrew to a younger person at work (17 years old). Not a clue. Another one had never seen Father Ted! I'm getting old...

This joke would have worked much better if you were able to spell. Here's a word that's quite easy to spell - TWAT. It woulda worked better if the average age of those reading the joke was 16. SC PS in the words of Monty Python, "I preferred the dirty version." I liked it...

She's doing alright, but the Duke of Edinburgh was looking a bit shaky at the State Opening of Parliament. Seemed to be using his sword as a walking cane (not a euphemism).

I blame the SNP. It'll be Carmichael next...

I agree. He was much frailer compared to previous appearances.

You lost the referendum - and not because of the English. Get over it. You'll probably gain a few seats, but you'll still be as significant as my fart from last Monday: a bit annoying at the time, but now everybody's forgotten about it.

I used to argue with the SNP candidate for Glasgow South on Bebo many years ago. He seems likely to win. A claim to fame?

The consistently high polling across a range of polls for the ten-pence-tink suggests she might do it, becoming a kind of Bernadette Devlin presence. If she's elected at 20 and actually does a passable job, she might have given herself the kind of career boost that'll see her in decent jobs for life. She is a thug, and a lout and a disgrace to Scotland. Much like the SNP membership in general.

Douglas Alexander will keep his seat. I don't actually like him, but I dislike that ten-pence tink he's up against even more. The problem we have is that many of these polls are now being questioned. You can't argue that the SNP are going to take a great number of seats, but it is also looking increasingly likely that the Ashcroft polls may not be so reliable. I think that Dougals Alexander might just hold on to his seat, but even that should be humiliating given the majority he had and the calibre of the opposition. I live next door to the Gordon Constituency where Alex Salmond is standing, and its is anyone's game there. This is possibly the seat where tactical voting might actually undo the SNP candidate. I'm not sure if you could call Salmond not gaining the seat as a Portillo Moment, but if it passes it will be my Portillo Moment. The only glimmer of light. His campaign has been described as being desperate. He condemned his Lib Dem opponent for not living in the constituency in his campaign literature a copy of which was sent to her home...in the constituency. He has also taken credit for policy and legislation which was brought in during the Lib-Lab Coalition before he took office. If he does win, it will be thanks - once again - to a Tory. Jim Murphy losing his seat would, however, be Scotland's Portillo Moment. The Leader of Scottish Labour losing his seat in Scotland...bad times.

The last British Prime Minister to 'win' an election was Tony Blair...in 2005. If this next election goes the way it seems it will this could mean we will have gone 15 years without a leader with any mandate (and yes, I am aware Tony Blair only won about 33% of the vote in 2005).

I should point out that I am now no longer banned from any establishments in Fraserburgh. After a 2 and a bit month campaign against the organisation in question (which used to employ me), they have climbed down and admitted that management acted unprofessionally in the way they treated me on the day. Furthermore they have graciously allowed me to enter their premises as a customer (Yas). This did not go as far as an apology, but it was good enough. In addition to this in a second reply the Chairman of the Board wrote to me explaining that he had understood the months since my forced dismissal had been 'difficult' for me, and went on to say he was sorry about the "continued actions of others". The very next day I learned that the Trustee who was responsible for me losing my job, and the Trustee who pushed for me to banned from the building, resigned. In short: I've beaten the fuckers. I've beaten them so convincingly I should probably ask for my old job back...

Bob Dole.

I once smashed my friends head off the concrete ground whilst pretending to be a power ranger when I was about 8. Another time I was throwing stones at an arsehole called Brian. He was a dick. Anyway, one hit him on the mouth and he started bleeding profusely. It was only later that I learned he had undergone surgery on his mouth a week or so earlier for his speech impediment or something. However another time I decided to have a go at a bigger kid by threatening him with a stick with nails in it. He pulled some kind of spiderman mask over his face, pulled the stick out of my hands, cutting them with the nails. I was left howling. Not my finest moment. I was 23 . This is why I have been banned from cafes...