Windsor

I think this is brilliant. You couldn't make it up!

Windsor the Troll Wilko Johnson (Joker) Muhammed Ali Helen Fawkes David Norris Flora Fraser Stephen Lewis Jim Bowen John Bardon Albert Reynolds Rev Billy Graham Daisy Berkowitz Wojciech Jaeuzelski Clive James Robert Mugabe George H. W. Bush Leslie Phillips Zsa Zsa Gabor Stephen Hawking Nancy Reagan Jeremy Thorpe Should be 'half decent'.

I'm in too. Not expecting great things this year though.

Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church is getting on a bit...

Clive James...to finish off the top 5.

Has someone finally offed my mother? One can live in hope. Not quite. A fight broke out at a works Christmas party. The fight was taken outside where one bloke cut the throat of another. A man at the other side of the road witnessed the stabbing, and ran across the road to aid the stabbed guy. Unfortunately he stepped out in front of a car, and was killed. The guy who had his throat cut has survived, but was very lucky. The driver is said to be very distraught. Sounds like something out of casualty...

Shopping in Fraserburgh's new ASDA today when I noticed a one-legged employee sitting in a wheelchair. I had seem him a few times in the past, and he never seems to be doing anything. So I ask mother: "What does he actually do"? Turns out he is the security guard. I'm all for equal opportunities (hence why I use disabled toilets (they're always cleaner)), but is that not taking it too far?

People on Facebook who moan about other people gossiping...and then by moaning about the gossip end up spreading the gossip even further. For example, some tragedy has occured in Fraserburgh tonight but I only know about it due to folk rebuking other people for gossiping... Idiots.

I have a directive names after me? Nice...

Doesn't count for this year. Obits from Huffington Post UK will be accepted from 01/01/2014. Oh bother.

Rev Billy Graham He and Zsa Zsa are the sole survivors of my first (2006) DDP.

Expecting a revolution?

General Jaruzelski. Still time.

If so, they could do us a real favour in writing up an obit for Jack Pardee... Let it go son, let it go... That woman with the cancer (whose name I forget) is more famous that Jack Pardee...no obit for her...shame on the press for not giving thingme-bob the recognition she deserves!

I don't think he'll like you calling him English, boyo. He's coming home. Baddiel and Skinner.......? If there's [green, green] grass on the pitch...

There is another Michael that's 80 years old, would you me to a spel it out? This is your life sentence... Now that you mention it I recall his name cropping up some months ago. And to think, we all thought he preferred antiques...

Always best to keep him on the list though...just like Thatcher.

An 80 year old from South London has been arrested as part of Operation Yewtree. Sir Michael Caine's name is doing to rounds on twitter.

Rolf's in a bit more bother: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-23581847

Emmerdale is on ITV...

Diabetes isn't really all that serious though...not nice, buts its hardly cancer.

Obviously lost the plot: http://news.sky.com/story/1120087/george-hw-bush-shaves-head-for-cancer-boy Remember Britney?

The baby has been named George Alexander Louis. Providing Scotland doesn't become independent, and providing the monarchy is not abolished, wouldn't it be nice if he reigned as King Alexander IV...

You mean...?! QUICK! GET HER BACK TO THE HOSPITAL...THEY FORGOT TO TAKE OUT THE OTHER ONE!