TLC

Hmmmm, maybe, as long as there's no accompanying video judging by their look. A bit too much oil & steroids on show even for a self-respecting mid-80's metal group I'd say. Death to false metal!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LADY GRENDEL!!! Have a lovely day i.e. get hammered and do something stupid! I've not been on DL as much recently so I'm glad I just popped on and noticed it's your special day. I'd like to think I've just made it that extra bit...erm...specialer! No Sugar Mice for you this time I'm afraid! TLC

Whatever you do don't read it then AtJ! I actually finished it, and despite thinking I could see how he was attempting to pitch his message (repeated use of the same phrases through the book, lots of recognised sales techniques etc.) I still went over 3 weeks before I managed to start smoking again, and even so it took me a couple of months to get back to my former levels! To put this into perspective, I've been a 20-30 a day smoker for over 15 years and had never even tried to give up before, and two weeks into giving up I would have put money on never smoking again, I just didn't feel like it, and even managed to go out & get drunk without any cravings. Unfortunately three weeks was as long as I could go without smoking a bit of the good stuff..... The book is now on the floor next to my bed in case I ever want to read it again. If it was back on the bookshelf that would be admitting complete defeat, hence the pathetic reason for leaving the book within my sight. I think he's famous enough to go on the list too, certainly lots of people I know have heard of him, and I'd have thought most UK smokers and ex-smokers will have, which is quite a large number of people.

[strokes chin]Hmmmm, never seem to be around at the same time do you?[/strokes chin]

I agree, I read it some time last year and it was pretty funny. I was going to say 'it's political correctness gone mad!' but that'll be one short step from ordering Richard Littlejohn books for reading, rather than the more obvious uses such as burning or arse-wiping. But not both, unless you're in the army or play rugby. You couldn't make it up! I have just finished reading 'Making History' by Stephen Fry - I've been meaning to plunge into his back catalogue (insert carry-on joke here) for some time having only ever read 'The Liar' before. I must say it's a quality book which - surprisingly for me at least - is mostly about time travel. Still, whatever he writes about you know it'll be well written, funny and outspoken but without said points of view being rammed down your throat (next carry-on joke) Ben Elton style. I shall be buying the rest of his stuff as and when I remember to.

Thank you all, for my 15 minutes of DL fame! I'm so pleased you found such handsome people for me to be compared to, or to be touted as potential partners. I mean handsome both in the normal sense, and also in the same way that lonesome (sort of) means full of loneliness.... I may will regret saying this, but the one comparison I used to get occasionally when I was younger was Jimmy Sommerville, which cheered me up no end as a teenager I'm sure you can imagine. I choose to believe it was to do with the haircut. And Tin Tin. Definitely the haircut then. Sorry Handrejka, not yet summoned up the courage to go on a website called 'rimmerworld' whilst at work. Maybe later.

Thanks TF, whether you meant it or not! (Sniff) Brian was my first avatar, maybe it's time for him to return? Ps long time since I saw Beaker, a welcome addition to the current set of avatars. Hope that doesn't sound a bit too much like mutual back-slapping, but it probably does...

Congratulations on 1200! posts my fellow wedding destroyer! Never celebrate on your own; I find if you get drunk enough everyone joins in the celebration, whether they like it or not! Or sometimes even if there's no-one actually there if you go for cans of Kestrel. I would have posted this earlier, but I clearly had no idea until you posted first I was posting at exactly the same time and was horrified that you beat me to it as it was next on my list!

Au contraire! Mr Charles is sadly lacking in digit size by comparison. As you can see, I use it to balance my big manly chin on when posing on my torture bed. And Mr Charles is using at least two fingers if not three to casually hold that glass, when I would only use the one! Oh yes, and I wouldn't f*cking well be seen f*cking dead in that f*cking terrible shirt. If anyone can make me look like Danny John-Jules (without digital jiggery-pokery) I'll be mighty impressed! Comparisons to Chris Barrie will not be appreciated thank you.

I'll have someone more astronomically inclined explained that, as I'm likely to get it wrong. OK then, I'll have a pop. [monocle] Where Pluto's orbit is so far removed from the norm, it crosses Neptune's regular elliptical orbit and follows a weird path. This is in part due to the gas giants (Jupiter Saturn Uranus & Neptune) having quite a large effect on its orbit, making it almost turn corners at times. This is the 'not clearing the neighbourhood of its orbit' as described above. Indeed, for a few years (no idea how many, about 20-ish?) up until 1999 Neptune was further away from the Sun than Pluto. The dirty bitch. I'm sure there's more to it than that, but I think the above's right. Tune on the glockenspeil anyone? [/monocle] I'm just waiting for the Daily Mail to blame the loss of this planet on lax immigration policies or the demise of the British Empire.

Can I ride it?

Come to England then, you'll be ideal working for the Post Office with that sort of attitude!

Max Headroom indeed. Maybe Kryten from Red Dwarf at a push!

Might change their area's name to 'Dong-lo County' after that deflating announcement...

Make sure there's a sign in the window saying 'seating available for 5,000'. You could also have a delivery service called 'Crust on a Bike'. God's Kitchen? Our Saviour's Savoury Snacks (incorporating Cheeses of Nazareth)? The Raising of the Bread? Not sure how many taxis & coats are required to get out of that....

My theological knowledge is a little rusty, but I seem to recall that this Jesus chappy actually turned water into wine. Not sure what he would do with the bread, but a friend of mine once told me (in confidence!) that bread dipped in milk was an interesting onanistic experience. male or female friend?

I'll see your Terry and June, and raise you SORRY!. Language Timothy! Or was it funnier guessing whether Terry or June's deckchair would collapse in the opening credits, or maybe even the parasol on them both? Or did I just imagine it was different in different episodes? God I hope not. Can of worms well & truly opened. Oh, Doctor Beeching! Check and mate! I think that I see a link between this and our friend twelvetrees, Do you think that one of us is him? Coffee hasn't kicked in this morning yet, forgive me if I'm being a bit dozy.

Just googled it and still not even the slightest jog to my memory, but I like the idea that the puntastically named 'Hal Adden' was the one to discover the genie. Not particularly a goodie, but the only obscure thing I can drag up this evening is 'Men of the World' from the early '90's starring John Simm & David Threlfall. I remember it was dreadful, but worryingly I best remember the theme tune went 'how can I hold my head high, avoiding the cracks in the pavement?' Even in my role as a song lyric encyclopedia, that one still impresses me. Almost as good as me remembering Dennis Waterman singing 'We don't make love on Sundays' (she & I) on Pebble Mill when I was a kid, to finally find out through google (only this year) that it really was the name of one of his songs. I was beginning to worry that my mind had invented it, which I consider slightly worse than having remembered it in the first place. Way off topic there, but in a life full of achievement and success it ranks right up there in the top...erm...one.

I was just thinking that Blackie Lawless plus 1 x exploding codpiece pyrotechnic display should just about be able to outdo even my usually impressive lager-fuelled performances at weddings. Unless I accidentally swallow a few too many wasps of course, although not sure if there is such an amount as 'just the right amount of wasps to swallow', other than zero obviously.

Another game against Man U, another thrashing. We were lucky to lost 3-0, despite cheaty Wes 'The Cheatster' cheaty Brown cheater who stuck his had right up in the air to not only deliberately handball it in the area, but also stop what looked like a goal-bound Hreidarsson header, and he was on a yellow card already, and it was only 1-0 at the time. The cheat. Not denying the fact we were lucky to be only 1-0 down at the time, but could have then been 1-1 v 10 men; we might well have only lost 2-1 or something! At least Chelsea lost too so we didn't lose any ground on them.... And I suppose it was nice to see Ole Gunnar Solskjaer score for the first time in 3 years. Well done him.

Right, I'm off home to watch Sky yet again stick Charlton on live whenever they think we're about to get a good shoeing. The fact that we're at the Valley will probably make no odds, we've never beaten Man U in the premier league. By comparison, we've beaten Chelsea, Arsenal & Liverpool at various times, all of them away from home at least the once, and definitely season doubles over Chelsea & Liverpool. We even bagged a Kevin Lisbie hat-trick against the mighty 'pool a couple of years ago, I'm surprised it passed the dubious goals committee just because of the sheer unlikeliness of it. Normally he couldn't score in a brothel with a £50 note wrapped round his todger.

isn't that one of Dubya's fave tunes? Maybe it could be re-recorded with the improved lyrics, sneaked onto his iPod (he'd not tell the difference, I reckon) and let the subliminal message do its work... Wooooo!

Dear Abby, I am going to a wedding this Saturday, and naturally it came up in conversation with my mother earlier this week. Today, I (honestly) received the following text from her: - (There were random gaps between several of the words too, but something in the bb code takes them out upon posting). Now, I appreciate she has a shaky grasp on the use of mobiles beyond making calls but even so; should I be concerned for her? Or, should I be concerned at my own life if this is the sort of advice that my mum thinks I need? I am 32 years old and have not lived with my parents for over 10 years, and often I tuck myself into bed these days so I'm quite mature for my age. As far as I'm aware the wedding is not due to be held at a wasp farm/sanctuary. Yours eagerly, TLC

Does that count then, strictly speaking? If I make any more comments like I guess that my gender may be in question as I probably won't have any bollocks left; having them presented to me on a plate doesn't count as 'still in possession of' as far as I'm concerned.

Never heard of 'Magic, our Maurice!', but further investigation shows that the show title 'briefly became a national catchphrase' accompanied with a double thumbs-up, no less. palexandersquires must give the oddest film reviews I've ever read, mostly commenting about insignificant lines in the film or 'if that was me I'd have done this' all the way through, as well as Random Capitals For Anything Deemed Significant. My favourite line from the Juggernaut review: -