TLC

Born to be Wild by Steppenwolf, for christ's sake. Massively inappropriate for me, sounds like too much effort. If I'm being honest 'Dancing Queen' would at least suit my drunken dancing/mincing style, even though I hate the song with every fibre of my being. I was a student when there was a big Abba revival in the early 90's, and many crazy (crazy as in mentally unstable) students seemed to take it up as their theme tune, it still makes me shudder.

Strangely I've never lived in a proper block of flats, although I admit that I easily fit the stereotype of the flat dweller. I'm currently in a rented 3 bedroom semi, as I've always managed to find a couple of mates to rent a house with, or at worst a flat above a shop. I must admit at one point I lived about 100 yards from a 24 hour ASDA (Wal-Mart) which effectively became my newsagent, to the extent that the various people who worked the tobacco counter knew my particular brand; how sad is that? No answer required thank you. The 4th Floor flat beckons though, I think I'm on my last set of single friends who I'd share a house with (or would choose to share with me), so once they settle down to marriage, kids, mortgage etc. I presume it'll be time to join hi-rise & bedsit world. I do still live near a fair few late night supermarkets, and considering that 2 of them are between the train station & my house it doesn't encourage me to do the big monthly shop I must admit. In the good old days, we had an extra fridge specifically for alcohol storage, which was always full. Keeping it full required quite some effort I can tell you. It was a sad day last year when it got moved to the garage because it wasn't being used anymore. Probably another couple of years before I can bring myself to get rid of it completely though.

I'll admit that I've done the test before too, but I don't think it gave me the same results last time. It's odd that I recognised some of the answers that I gave before, even though for some of them I couldn't then see the images I saw last time when I went back to have a look. Maybe the mood you're in determines what you see, or what you see first, rather than your basic personality type? Other than that, could it be that it's all a load of poop? If I combined all of the results I get from 'scientific' personality/intelligence tests I'd be some kind of driven determined charismatic successful type, or at the very least a third world dictator with a massive row of unearned military medals on my uniform. Maybe I'd even get to be King of Scotland? Probably the last thing I'd be doing if I was really successful etc. would be loads of personality tests and then whinge about it in a forum, which of course is exactly what I'm doing. And shall continue to do, by God, and quite enjoy myself to boot.

Surely all petrol stations do take aways? Or do you have to drive round and round the forecourt until all the petrol that you've just bought has gone? Erm, I meant deliveries.. I see there may be a few problems associated with having to 'eat in'; cigarette sales for one would probably be banned pretty quickly if all items had to be consumed on premises.

Insofar as I care what happens at my funeral, I've always fancied insisting that some overly jolly/inappropriate piece of nonsense was played at my funeral, but have yet to decide what. Possibly something like 'Agadoo' or 'Octopus's Garden' would be nice. Or the really old 'Robin Hood' theme tune; I only thought of that one because once a couple (apparently) wanted the awful Brian Adams travesty 'Everything I Do (is sh*t)' played as they walked down the aisle for their wedding, but the Vicar mistook the request for the theme to Robin Hood and they ended up getting 'Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding through the glen!..'. Some sort of justice there, I think. I just wish I could be there for my own funeral, minus the maggots. As to what happens after we die, I just can't believe in any of the organised religions; I won't go into why as I'll probably upset one or two people. I'm happy with the possibility that something happens, but I suspect the same set of rules will apply to everyone who's ever lived, and that we don't know what those rules are yet, if ever. Still, I can't blame people from trying to work it all out.

That did take a while to get through, but my results were: Snap. Imagiantion is definitely the, erm, thingy. I just did the IQ test on the same site, apparently I have IQ of 140 and I am a Visionary Philosopher. I suppose that matches up with the Imagination driven subconscious from the Inkblot test and my association with mad American 'Emperor' Norton I. Matches in the sense that none of them are remotely close to the truth, except my IQ score probably does have a 1 and a 0 somewhere in it. Still, 'Emperor Norton, Visionary Philosopher' is quite an impressive title, although not as part of a chat up line I imagine. Maybe after the easter weekend I'll be able to confirm how bad a chat up line it is, depending how ruined I get on the old spaz juice.

I'll presume it has gone without saying (until now) that all of you God-fearing Christians, most importantly, will be celebrating the religious side of the festival too. In the same way that people celebrate Jesus' birthday for xmas, and don't just buy loads of presents & get drunk a bit too often... This Easter I shall mostly be trying to get into the spirit of things by inhaling certain substances that will make me appreciate the taste of easter eggs much more vividly. Although to be fair I do that whether it's Easter or not. Easter is only more special insofar as I get to spend 4 days concentrating on doing it properly, and then choose from a much larger variety of munch than usual. I sense the only walking I'll be doing is either to the fridge, or the nearest 24-hour petrol station, which is thankfully pretty nearby. If only they did take-aways.

I am the mighty Joshua Abraham Norton! Not sure how I've never heard of him, but I've just read up on him and am quite happy to be associated with him. Fuller story available on the ever-reliable Wikipedia. Feel free to refer to me as Emperor Norton I in future, or Josh to my friends.

Your Eyes Should Be Green Your eyes reflect: Striking attractiveness and danger What's hidden behind your eyes: A vivid inner world Apparently my eyes should be green, and vary ladylike judging by the photo. Maybe that's a reference to my 'vivid inner world'.... although my eyes are actually green/brown/murky, not dazzling emerald. Right, lunch over, off to seek out some danger now I suppose.

My fridge contains the following: - 3 cans of lager 1 large tub of some sort of pun-based butter-like spread i.e. 'You'd butter believe it', 'Sh*t, it's not butter!', 'Not Butter? F**k Off!' or something... Bread, mostly not mouldy Mayonnaise Large slab of cheddar 6 pints of semi-skimmed milk 1 spanish onion Traffic light set of peppers 8 sausages 6 slices of fat with bacon bits attached Lots of space Sweet based snacks only make guest appearances due to smoking habit making it impossible to leave them for more than 2 hours after shopping trip.... Freezer & cupboard equally well equipped with, erm, tins of things in tomato sauce, soup, tuna, smooth peanut butter, twisty pasta (Fusilli I think), fish fingers and microwave meals. You'd think I don't have a love of a variety of food, but I will in fact eat almost anything. I just hate taking more than 10 mins preparing it, for me all of the joy is in the eating. On the rare occasion I get press-ganged into cooking I'm not too bad at it as far as I can recall. I guess the most apt words to describe me & my list are 'Basic', 'Lazy' and in particular 'Single'. Without a can opener, microwave and grill I starve.

Not to worry, I'm not sure how good an all male alligator threesome would be anyway. I'm presuming The Four Horsemen is male? It's funny how you just decide in your head who's male & female on forums unless it's really obvious. I can't be bothered to go through past posts to look for evidence, besides which some people clearly tell fibs when they can't be identified. I imagine a sizeable proportion of us are nothing like the personae we put on for DL. For the record I am, but then: - I would say that If I were to make up a personality I hope I'd be a bit more inspired

If you're too nice though you'll end up coming back as something else, that's got to be incentive enough to live a better life! Although, I might be up for a bit of cross-species loving; you never know, my knowledge of Alligator psychology is somewhat limited currently.... maybe not for long though.

I'm an Alligator, I guess that's lower than a Horse? Apparently 39% of humanity will come back as a higher animal than me. Just be careful when trying to get a drink of water.

Biggs for me. No particular reason, same method I use to pick horses or winning football scores. I never get those right either.

Jesus, how bad is that? I suppose I've been lucky, as I've never had a broken bone, no scars to speak of, and most importantly as far as this thread is concerned, I haven't been to the dentist since I had my milk teeth and they're still fine i.e. correct colour, no holes, no pain, no squashing/crossing etc. Although I'm sure a dentist would find something wrong with them. This thread should have been called Dentist Dentist! I used to think having diabetes was bad (Type 1 that is, the far more exciting type) but people seem to mostly have had it far worse than me, pain wise. If it's any consolation though, my life expectancy is considerably shortened, and what with the smoking too I've got a whole list of deadly diseases queueing up to be the first one to knock me off. Still, can't see them coming yet so not too worried. Give it 20 years (fingers crossed) and I'm sure I'll look back and wonder why I didn't take more care of myself before the heart attack/ stroke/ thrombosis/ amputations/ blindness (take your pick) but there you are. I suppose I could look up the various odds and get a roll-over sweepstake set up or something? The winner could use part of the fund to build a statue in my honour, as long as I last for a few years to build the fund up sufficiently anyway. So I may be laughing now, but I doubt I'll be the one laughing best....

Now that's a website that attracts some pointless ranters; they make a lot of the ones you get here seem pretty tame, which takes some doing. However, as the Flying Spaghetti monster is clearly a swipe at religion and Intelligent Design etc., I look forward to a veritable glut of eloquently constructed criticism from Billy Graham fanatics once he meets his maker. If of course you are one of the BG flock, this item is essential for your listening pleasure!

I suspect the chance to be the one to start a thread with the extremely clever 'Sudden Death' pun was just too tempting...

Mmmmmatt - Dddddddamon!

I've looked too but to no avail. I therefore remain suspicious until anything else turns up. His name is actually quite normal compared to his late brother, Mr Epic Soundtracks.... Must have had different dads I guess!

I'll go along with that. Could be quite entertaining if the Blair one is anything to go by. [Thread split HCW, enjoy your post whoring]

That horrible memory of Blair & Brown watching a footy game looking all matey, 'Cool Britannia' at its very worst.

Even in the Eighties when the political map of the UK was very blue, at least the North, Scotland and Wales had the good sense to vote oherwise. I wish I could say the same about where I live, politics has a very Blue (-rinse) feel around here. Oh, and the BNP 'bookshop' i.e headquarters was about a mile away from here up until a few years ago, makes you very proud of your local area I can tell you.

This chap had enough time to make a website based on what most of us old enough to have had 8-bit computers like the Commodore 64, Spectrum 48K etc. used to do..... go there via this link; be warned, lots of very bad language, although that is the point after all. Have fun, in an incredibly grown up way of course.

Tony gets a bit confused about what to do with his hands when yawning, and hopes no-one noticed.

May your first Premiership season be a Wigan type one, rather than a Sunderland one! As a Charlton follower, I had all of the rollercoaster 'fun' a few years ago, glad we've settled a bit now. Anyway, Lady T, who d'you reckon she supports? That's my lame attempt to stay on topic....