TLC

Although probably less sex savvy than your average girl bunny, who presumably go like, well, rabbits.... I was about to agree but quite literally mid post someone interfered with your q**m, although mine is touched up (now) and only one moderator was online I think I know the culprit... Once a waffle filter or double-entendre filter is invented most of my posts will just have their punctuation left.

Like C-word and cuntrag. Wow, c*nt gets automatically changed to C-word, how very Mary Whitehouse... They'll be censoring 'naughty hedge' next, or possibly just trimming it a bit.

to be more exact, it's a triple heart bypass surgery. Having listened to his Christmas CD that he released in 2005 that contained a duet with Donald Trump, I just hope that the surgeon hasn't heard the same CD I hope the surgeon has heard it; it's the least you deserve for duetting with 'King Syrup' Donald Trump.

For me, exactly zero. Or is that not what you meant? Would be weird if some TLC comes on as you read this rather weak & flabby mid-afternoon sort of reply to what was probably a rhetorical question anyway. Not that a mere rhetorical question is going to stop me providing an answer if I feel like it.

It'll be worth a flutter if she has to do the Twist... or (not very likely I admit) the Can Can. Is there a dance called the "Hop"? She'd win Olympic Gold if there was!!! There is indeed. There are also such things as the one-step and the shuffle; I'm accomplished enough at the last one to have gained a lifetime achievement award for my ability to express myself through its application.

It'll be worth a flutter if she has to do the Twist... or (not very likely I admit) the Can Can.

I was going to add something to the effect that "i'd never thought I'd hear myself say this..." but I thought I had already done enough borderline xenophobic ranting on outsourcing that I didn't want to come over all Boris Johnson as well. Well thank god you didn't mention it, that could've looked really bad. Erm. Talking of xenophobia, that was the name of a board game we invented at school. I'll explain, like it or not... Not only were we made to have a triple period General Studies 'lesson' in the 6th form, we were ordered to do something to promote European unity, presumably because we were coming up to 1992, Maastricht treaty etc. There was absolutely no point to us having this lesson, it just stopped being able to finish school at lunchtime every Wednesday. The game was designed so that you were either English, French, Italian or German, and each question had 4 answers, one answer relevant to each country. As we deliberately designed the game to f*ck off the teachers, you can imagine European harmony wasn't fully embraced and we may have played on national stereotyping a little bit. Oh, and if you played as Germany you couldn't win, the board was rigged. Oddly, we didn't get into the slightest bit of trouble, but then we were at a Grammar School where Margaret Thatcher wasn't seen as right-wing enough by most of the staff. They probably still weep at the country's decline since 1990... Off-topic in room 101, is that a first? Or have I done it before?

My own magical experiences (3 mobile) of dealing with the immensely polite yet heart-attack inducingly unhelpful Indian call-centre staff suggests they are the trial version of a human 'Ask Jeeves'. I say this because they seem to pick their scripted replies by picking key words from my question, and using the closest match from their scripted 'expected questions from the customer' list to give their reply. As with search engines, the order of the words and their context makes no difference. Except that with a search engine you can at least refine your search to allow for this, to a degree. On more than one occasion, I have found myself saying 'thanks for the answer, but what on earth has that got to do with my question?' I rarely get an answer to that...

Oh, and a side issue; (some) commuters. If you're catching a train to a terminus it's not rocket science to know if you are at the front of the train you'll avoid the queues at the barriers and save about 5 mins compared to those at the rear. At the back, you're more likely to get a seat (on my line anyway). But every morning at Charing Cross I get barged out of the way by people who've sat at the back and are suddenly in a hurry to get to work. My tip: get an earlier train, get on at the front, or f*ck off. Oh, and the ones who try and squeeze on a completely packed train and then get angry when no-one 'lets them on'. Sometimes it's because people don't move up so that's fair enough, but you can see through the windows if that's the case. I had one f*ckwit telling me 'you must move up, or I'll be late' one day; I imagine he was late.. When I said, "Oh right, do you think we're hiding a one person sized space on this carriage but we don't want to let you have it?" and he replied, "Are you talking to me?", I think I surprised him by saying, "Yes, who the f*ck else do you think I'm talking to!" because he was much bigger than me and didn't haul me off the train and batter me to a pulp.

Work. On Friday an old work colleague of mine whom I occasionally stay in touch with phoned to let me know he'd been made redundant, and ask if any jobs were available at my place. I said I'd ask and let him know. My direct boss has now informed me that as far as the directors are concerned my job might be up for grabs.... he is admittedly far better at my job than I am. I'm aware that strictly speaking that'd be illegal, but there are ways to get rid of someone low down in a company fairly easily, you just need someone to suddenly apply the absolute letter of the law to your position and almost anyone can get sacked. Turn up 2 mins late, verbal warning; make an insignificant mistake in your work, 1st written warning etc. I've seen it done at previous places of employment. I'd like to think he wouldn't take the job if he knew he'd be taking my place, but he's nearly 60 and new age discrimination laws or not, people getting close to retirement have a tougher time getting work so he might have to take it even if he doesn't like the situation. Anyone else need any good deeds done for them today?

Yeah, I went in today to check if my Java update was ok with it, and it looks the same but half the functions seem to have been removed; colour, most of the audio effects, the key next to someone's name when they're typing, little but useful things. Also I had trouble opening a new window with it open, and when I finally had two windows open in chat and closed one it threw me out of chat completely. Of course, it might have done that before, not sure if I've tried that previously. Hi Captain. I thought you might have left even though you were still showing as in. That's when I tried opening the other window and got myself chucked out too... FA cup is on now though, so I'll leave it for the time being.

Who'd have thought it was possible to have so much of a groove on whilst having a snowball fight? Plus for about half the megamix video Claude appears to have gatecrashed a Jane Fonda workout video shoot (that's being filmed in the middle of a pea-souper, gawd blimey guv'na etc.); back in the days when no self respecting lady would work out unless dressed like one of the kids from Fame, albeit in shinier material and bolder pastel colours. You just can't buy that sort of class.

Pointing out the gaping holes in this ridiculous statement may be fun but trying to get our esteemed member from the eastern United States to see sense isn't worth the effort. It'd be infinitely more rewarding and manifestly easier teaching a dog advanced quantum mechanics. Please stop encouraging Banshees by replying. Fair point, I kept meaning to stop pretty much for the reasons you mention but I couldn't help myself. I will try harder. I wondered when someone would say something like you have, it's probably overdue and I apologise if I've bored everyone to tears with my unnecessary persistence. Signature also now sanitised.

Tonight Matthew, I shall be performing as...... (drumroll) ..... Banshee's Scream!! (Applause) No, Pavarotti's fine because he is also a successful actor no... is a part-time supermodel ah! earned his first local fame as a member of the town's soccer team, meaning he's multi-talented and famous for other reasons not just his singing. So the rules don't apply because, well, because they don't. Besides, he's way more talented than Britney! You can't compare them! And I'm certain he at least helped to write all of those songs written before he was born, so there. Remember:

More the bottom end of the price market, rather than the bottom of the gene pool. Footballers probably go the other way and pay for hugely expensive wine & champagne because it has a designer label, even if they can't taste the difference between cheap and pricey. Also, they can't be photographed with a bottle of Blue Nun on their table can they? Not that anyone should be seen with a bottle of the stuff, to be fair.

Didn't they do it an episode of 'Are you being served?', or was that just general gayity (is that a word)? Gaiety (or gayety apparently, although I've never seen that used before) is how you spell it, but you have correctly applied its meaning; well, either of its meanings I suppose. Either meaning could apply to John Inman performing Morris Dancing, I should think.

Yeah, I bet that's going to do the trick... Dave to the early Grave might be more appropriate from now on. Anyone got any opinions on the gold standard?

I'm looking at it in an all or nothing sort of deal? OK, One last time.... Do you recognise the quote below? This is what the argument stems from. I don't care if you have more respect for Kermit than Sinatra, it's not what we're in disagreement about. The quote above (your quote, recognise it yet?) if taken as representing what you actually think, means you look down on Britney because she doesn't write her own songs. But crucially, it also means you look down on Elvis and Sinatra because they didn't write their own songs either. But by your comments since, it is clear you don't look down on Elvis, Sinatra etc as much as Britney. You didn't seem to realise they didn't write their own stuff when you made the above quote, but to avoid looking foolish you keep trying to insist they did write their own material, or that they were famous for much more than their singing as if that somehow gets them out of the non-songwriting category. Even if I could beyond doubt prove to you that Elvis & Sinatra never lifted so much as a finger to write their own songs, you're still going to have more respect for them than for Britney, am I right? And I don't blame you. But if I'm right, this quote: - is bullshit. As to why you can't understand that, it's beyond my powers to explain. I didn't think it was, but it is. That Is As Far As I Can Expand Before I Explode. I'd say I feel like I'm having an argument with an adolescent, but that does those hormonally-challenged strop-machines a severe disservice.

I cut the crusts off, made it into diagonal quarters and served it with a sprig of green pointless garnish, to extend the metaphor past breaking point. Similar to damning with faint praise I guess? But I did mean it, it made me laugh. Having now got home and still being out of smokeable relaxant (see room 101 thread) I've started to think about stuff (never a good thing), and I'd like to make it known that despite apprearances I don't have a personal grudge against BS. I just find it very difficult to follow what he says, and when he replies I find it always leaves even more questions than answers which sometimes makes me get a little frustrated, to say the least. Due to that, I can't promise I won't happen again, but hopefully if I question his judgement in future it will be because of what he's just written, rather than an urge to persecute. Confession over; damn good job I'm not a catholic, I have enough self-generated guilt in my life as it is.

Are you actually aware what discussion your original post lead to here? Have you even read your own earlier posts? Your last paragraph more or less agrees with what everyone else was saying, but is at complete odds with where you started a couple of days ago. There is a clue in the bit I've highlighted above, it's just subtly different from where you said which includes Sinatra and Presley. NOTHING TO DO WITH WHETHER YOU THINK THEY ARE BETTER THAN HER OR NOT, THEY DIDN'T WRITE THEIR OWN SONGS SO YOU EITHER LOOK DOWN ON THEM OR YOU HAVE CHANGED YOUR MIND IN LESS THAN 2 DAYS BUT WON'T ADMIT IT! If you look up quickly you might just catch that last clue flying several miles over your head.

But Sinatra had fruit thrown in his face and crowds didn't approve of his legendary voice so much untill he got older. By the way, he also won an academy award as an actor so he wasn't only famous for his singing. And for banging Marilyn Monroe. He was like jack of all trades. Elvis Presley was the king of Rock N Roll, I thought he wrote most of his songs? But even if he didnt, he was the first guy on television to dance like a puppet on cocain. He could sing, he was an actor, he was something the world had never seen. You get the point. It wouldn't matter if they didn't write all the songs they sung, it was more then one trade that made them great. And i'm sure they still wrote their songs. Brittany Spears can't be compared to people like this. She don't live on the same block. You do realise that the above 'talentless hacks' quote from AtJ was in direct response to your statement of: - from not quite 2 days ago? So that doesen't work and you try and shift the argument to who's the best performer, or the fact that Elvis & Sinatra did other things besides the music that sets them apart from Ms Spears. The worrying thing is, neither of those stand up to much scrutiny either. Britney Spears can be compared to the above in terms of not writing their own songs. No-one other than you is trying to argue about whether she's as good as Elvis or Sinatra or not. Ask the most fanatic of Elvis fans and I doubt they'll say he did any more than make token contributions to songwriting, if that. And please don't try and tell me that if Elvis hadn't been a singer he'd have been a successful actor and coked-up puppet impersonator. His films were purely to show off his singing, dancing and good looks, with less plot than the average hard-core porn movie. They were only made because he was a famous singer. Even Sinatra. He may have got an acting Oscar, but how did he get the part in the film? I admit I'm guessing here, but I suspect it was due to being a hugely famous singer with 'possible' mob connections, not because he disguised himself and went to acting school to get the job on his own acting merits. Same with playing nudey-prod games with Marilyn Monroe, he didn't become famous for that, and if he did he'd be ranked right up there with the WAGs (Wives And Girlfriends, mostly of England Football players in case this is a British term) as being famous for sleeping with someone i.e a Z-lister. Besides, Britney can also dance if we're going along with that line of reasoning. And until the recent Borstal image adoption she was considered very attractive. So even if this line of reasoning wasn't complete rubbish, she still can't be separated from Elvis & Sinatra by this method. Don't think for one minute I rate Britney. I think she's an average singer who makes terrible records, and I also think she's averagely attractive. It's just that you so often come out with confident sounding statements, and when people disagree (or produce facts to show you're wrong) you just start talking about something slightly different. Or something you think someone has said. Or something completely unrelated. That said, I really like the expression 'he was the first guy on television to dance like a puppet on cocaine'.

Since I see you're currently hanging around on this thread desperately waiting for birthday greetings, Happy Birthday Real Madron! There.

My weed dealer who has f*cked off with £70 of mine. I'll track him down and get it back as he's not going to be leaving the area (which makes it even more annoying and pointless) but this is supposed to be what relaxes me in my spare time. If you can't trust a semi-derranged permanently drug addled dealer with no fixed address, who can you trust?

He invented Thunderbird, so more a widowmaker than a winemaker. Judgement day should be interesting, more than a few ex-clients will be there to greet him no doubt. Probably mostly still suffering from Thunderbird exposure, so he'll soon have many thousands of well deserved 'best f*ckin' mates'.

The very reason why I gave up my travelcard and now just get the train to Charing Cross and walk everywhere else in London unless a)I'm in a serious hurry b)carrying too much stuff c)tired/drunk/lazy and it's not peak time, when suddenly the tube is quite a pleasant and effective means of transport. Also, my nearest tube station is Oxford Circus; just a more condensed version of Oxford Street as it's full of tourists (fair enough I suppose) and impossible to get into anywhere near 9am, 12-1pm or 5pm. It's enough trouble walking past the entrance and exits most of the time. Pedestrians annoy me, but at least I don't have to pay an extra £50 per month for them. Also, I now actually know my way around central London and most journeys are barely any longer than a tube ride anyway (if not quicker), especially when you take into account the time it takes to get in, queue at the ticket barriers, go down the escalators and then wait for a train there's room to get on. Apparently walking is healthy too, although I imagine the air pollution counters that pretty effectively.