TLC

Good points, well made BS. I will stop dwelling, it just makes me look like a nit-picking twat at best. Anyway, I should stop trying to sound smart on this website just to make up for my lack of it in the real world. If it doesn't work on here when I can edit and re-edit my responses, you can probably imagine what fine company I am in real life. Anyone got the recipie for humble pie? As for Tammy Faye Messner I know nothing of her current state of health, but in the future I'll take the sensible option and not post further toss on her thread.

This time you have really misunderstood me for sure. Just because something is unpredictable doesn't mean it's bad news. It goes both ways. Know what I mean, TLC? No, not really. Don't get me wrong, I understand that just because something is unpredictable doesn't mean it's bad news. I understand it can go both ways, so I suppose I do get what you mean. What I don't for the life of me get (deep breath) is why on earth you think I said that? Or even nearly said that? It has nothing in common with what I wrote. At all. What I said was 'not very useful patterns then'. What I meant by that was 'not very useful patterns then' as in 'the patterns are not very useful'. This referred to your mention of 'patterns are very unpredictable', which I took to mean 'patterns are very unpredictable'. By my choosing to believe that you meant unpredictable as in 'without a pattern', it would have meant that effectively you said 'patterns are very much without a pattern', hence my reply of 'not very useful patterns then'. Not hilarious I confess, but it makes sense I think. If anyone else cares, can they let me know whether I am making sense so far? I start to doubt myself when faced with such erratic responses. I presume you actually meant 'unpredictable' as in 'hard to predict', changing the meaning of your phrase to 'patterns are hard to predict' which makes loads more sense. Patterns can indeed be hard to predict, but they can only be a pattern if they... erm.... have a pattern. BS, there is a vital difference between 'reading between the lines' and 'seeing entire words, sentences, thoughts and ideas that aren't there or in any way suggested by the person you reply to'. I suggest that reading the post of the person you reply to might go some way to addressing this unfortunate but almost entirely avoidable problem. Well that's another 15 mins of my life wasted, and the same goes for anyone else who chooses to read the above. I'd apologise for going off topic, but I was never on topic in the first place to be deemed guilty of such a deviation. I will apologise for the post in general though. Sorry.

Not very useful patterns then, or have I misunderstood the mercurial BS yet again?

I'm a 1974 Tiger myself. My first name happens to be Tony. Grrreat. I presume my parents thought that if people ran out of 'hilarious' TLC jokes to make about my initials, then the Tony the Tiger jokes would see them through.

I never had an idol. JD Salinger once said he felt it is wrong to name whome he admired unless they were dead, I agree at a certain extent. I have no idols either. I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadow. If I fail, if I succeed, at least I live as I believe. No matter what they take from me, they can't take away my dignity. Sorry, must go, my lighter has run out.

TinTin & Jimmy Sommerville are the two I used to get compared to the most, I hope it was to do with my hair 'style'. Neither comparisons got me so much as a snog you'll be shocked to learn. Thinking about who used to say it, that was a blessing. You can check a fairly recent picture of me in my profile (not the Cartman ninja one) if you really want to and let me know if there's a better lookalike, I'm sure there has been discussion on a different thread before about my potential lookalikes, but I can't remember where or who. Please be gentle. Oh and I briefly had the nickname 'Steve Davis' at school, definitely not because of my Snooker abilities. So some sort of Jimmy Sommerville/Steve Davis combination, thank god I got that shitty stick for my 15th birthday, I'm sure you can imagine it wasn't a moment too soon. Who am I kidding, with that combination of looks & personality it wasn't the girls I spent my teenage years beating off. Better now thank you.

I've always been a fan of his 501s. I'm more impressed with the revelation above that he wrote the original manuscript to Wayne's World... Trust Hollywood to alter the title, although at least they corrected the spelling mistake. Yes, I'm still at work, if not actually working.

First time I've seen it, oddly. Looks like he buys his re-moulds from the same crappy garage that I use.

Sorry C.P. missed it, but that's not going to stop me wishing you a very Happy Birthday!, hope you had fun in a mature and sensible grown-up way i.e. got shitfaced.

Penisy? OK, I suppose they are usually a bit bigger than that! Really? How much bigger? My friend asks...

Royce did you get stuck in a lift with a copy of Reader's Digest? I hope so as I'm very much looking forward to again reading some hilarious snippets of 'Life's Like That' and 'Humour In Uniform', and some uplifting news from 'All To The Good'. I will read almost anything put in front of me (dvd player instructions, the huge leaflets that come with most medicines etc.), and unfortunately as a child my parents suscribed to Reader's Digest. Due to that I wasted a fair chunk of my semi-precious life reading about the sort of nonsense the Daily Mail would turn down. Oh, and their 'Book of Facts' encyclopedia type books they brought out each xmas (probably designated as 'for boys' in those days) and I then duly got. I'm surprised I didn't turn out as a tory boy, I was told that Fred Basset was funny by one of my apparently temporarily rabid family members, for the love of god.

TLC - By way of enlightenment, may I direct your attention to this excellently written biography of said splendidly-named chap. (Under Teams/Celebrities.) I am suitably enlightened, and pleased he's got my vote. I think he deserves it, let's hope next time he asks 'give me x amount of money or I'll die' people go for option 2.

15 and Oral Roberts. Just guesses, no idea why. Never heard of Oral Roberts, even with a splendid name like that.

Don't misunderstand me, I found them riveting, and I also quite enjoyed The Business. I'm just not going to read them again in a hurry. Ah sorry, I did completely misunderstand. Maybe I'll re-read them one day, it has been a few years. I might get round to finishing 'Stranger in A Strange Land' by Robert Heinlein one day, can't remember why I didn't finish it the first time as it was pretty good up to the point I stopped reading it. I must have purchased something else I was desperate to read and thought I'd come back to it. Halfway through 'Merde Actually' by Stephen Clarke at the mo (another one I stopped reading and recently picked back up), one I can read on the train with pride as there's a French swear word on the cover and it was some sort of bestseller too I think, so that's ok.

I'm with NAP on this one, I read Use of Weapons and The Business and found myself not really following what was going on, and not really caring either by the end. Strange, as I usually love Sci-fi and weirdness in general, and everyone I know (well, those who know what sort of books I like) swore blind I'd have loved Banks's stuff. I've been reading the Raymond E. Feist books recently, I must say I'd never heard of him until I got lent 'The Magician'. Got through 7 so far and there's 2 left in the series I'm reading, but tragically the person who's borrowing them off their dad for me has just discovered he's started to re-read the one I need next, and has took it to India with him. They're fairly formulaic (as is most fantasy stuff) but I think they're well written, and span many different characters and years whilst keeping a sense of continuity which I like. It is these books that has inspired me to try and get round to marketing slip-on book covers with suitably best-seller nonsense on, so that geeks like me can read fantasy/sci-fi books on the train without the shame. Why must every fantasy book ever written have a bronzed warrior, dragon, hawk or 'sexy' female elf (or ideally all of them) on the front cover?

No matter. 3 more points, above Everton & Tottenham of all people & the added bonus of seeing Colin sent off for fighting with Wally Downes. Happy days. above everton until tomorrow, when we hammer Wigan 3-0 I hope so, we're already depending on other teams' results to go in our favour, although I think unless 2 teams out of West Ham, Wigan or Sheffield United go into administration, start regularly fielding ineligible players or fail to turn up for a few games we're doomed already. I suppose we could try winning a few more games, but that seems even more unlikely than the above scenario. I say this after our first away win for 15 months, I expected to feel at least a little bit happier after that but I still can't see anything but Championship football next season. And I doubt we'd come straight back up either.

Bloody hell, 1-0 to Charlton, our first away win since October 2005 which was also at Fratton Park. What with other results going our way today, we can really start to catch up on the teams above us seeing as our next three games are away to Bolton, home to Chelsea and away to Man United. Jings!

Our American deathlisters might find the little sign outside the shop amusing. Yes that's where you can find fags in this part of the world. So when I was in the States and after a particularly heavy night out I commented 'I got so drunk last night that I had loads of fags and now my throat is killing me' that would explain the strange looks... If it had actually happened outside of my own head, that is. haha.. yeah i know its not good for me, but i always have a few fags when i'm drunk as well.. at the time it seems like a great idea Erm... do you realise I wasn't talking about cigarettes? Or are you being very deadpan? If you are, sorry for doubting you, and what bars do you go to?

It certainly is drastically different, in more ways than I can sensibly list. Very noble of you BS to suggest that because Godot doesn't understand your frankly baffling joke that his sense of humour is long dead. Did it occur to you to read it back to yourself before you posted it? I'm sure (well, fairly sure) that the idea behind the joke was clear in your mind, but you seem to have put it through some kind of online English/Japanese/English translation engine several hundred times before posting it. I personally believe it has suffered somewhat for it, perhaps losing some of its comic value on the journey. Lost in translation perhaps? For anyone interested, I think this post now makes BS a repeat offender. I'd even go as far as to say both posts are off topic, as there are no jokes within either of them. I do realise the hypocrisy of me telling anyone they are off topic, but I felt obliged on this occasion.

Our American deathlisters might find the little sign outside the shop amusing. Yes that's where you can find fags in this part of the world. So when I was in the States and after a particularly heavy night out I commented 'I got so drunk last night that I had loads of fags and now my throat is killing me' that would explain the strange looks... If it had actually happened outside of my own head, that is.

What a horrible thing to suggest our Cliff might wish that on someone.

when i was younger i always thought Geriatrics was something to do with scoring 3 goals You're quite right, Geriatric is the tabloid term for a German scoring 3 goals in one football match. ... No, I'm not sorry.

That's right, not because of his astonishingly public use of hard drugs; a favourite trick seemingly being to get caught off his tits on class A's on the way home from court or the police station. Surely even Pete must be astonished he's not been subject to a bit of man love at Her Majesty's pleasure* by now. Any one of his various crimes against the society that just doesn't understand how massively superior & talented he is would land most people in prison. Astonishing how often fans of anyone famous refuse to believe that their idol can do any wrong in other areas of their life. Should a 'star' be able to get the court to give their Scandanavian No.1 (or whatever) due consideration when trying to get off of a charge? Clearly not, but considering the way things go it'd be worth a shot from the point of view of any famous people who find themselves in court. *Prison that is, I doubt she'd actually go along and watch to cheer herself up.

Alright, man. I find death an interesting topic. I'm constantly checking Wikipedia's recent deaths page, and am interested in human longetivity, how people die, and what factors affect the age of a person, as well as biography in general. ...but really, don't say things like that because they're just totally inappropriate and hateful. Either that or it was a topical jest. By the way, is that the worst thing you've found on the DL? 3/10, must try harder, see me etc.

There is even a DL thread about Bill Clinton's cat Socks, although parts of it are not for the faint hearted. In fact you may recognise it Mr Squirrel, as you were the one who started it about this time last year and it proved to be equally as successful as this thread. What is it about January that makes you consider the mortality of famous pets? I hope it's not some sort of guilt as you drop another unwanted xmas present into the canal, still in its sack wrapping paper...