Cat O'Falk

Doug Ellis 'hopes to be alive' for Aston Villa Premier League return. "I hope I will still be alive - I am only 92 remember - to see that happen."

Would anyone like one of my Amitriptyline sweets?

The normal sized Kim Kardashian is much bigger.

At the start of the season the bookies were offering 5000/1 on them winning - the same odds apparently as Nessie being found. Meanwhile, Leicester City have handed a number of season-ticket holders "multi-year" bans for re-selling tickets illegally.

A Leicester City fan lost his nerve and accepted £108,703-41p from SkyBet to settle his wager on Leicester being Premier League Champions. http://www.leicestermercury.co.uk/Leicester-City-fan-cashes-Foxes-title-win-bet/story-29103988-detail/story.html

Not so much a cunt but a w***er. (Well in the film Human Traffic anyway.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gi0FheMXfZo

You call this follically challenged? You've got more hair on the back of your hand than I've got on my entire body!

I think that Cork should leave the E.U.

Yes, I don't know why they changed that. I must look into it. In a couple of interviews Arthur says: http://thequietus.com/articles/05684-blancmange-interview-blanc-burn http://www.pennyblackmusic.co.uk/MagSitePages/Article/6601/Blancmange-Interview

Your calculator's broke.

I loved her in Kind Hearts and Coronets.

I'm left wondering; what skeletons are going to come tumbling out of the closet.

They anticipated my next line, what is Richard Whiteley doing asking for a definition. (of wankers I think he was going to say but didn't).

I've never understood why people advocate punishing the party running the Westminster government by voting against that party in the local government elections. If my local council is doing what I consider to be a great job, why would I vote them out because their colleagues at Westminster are arseholes? Surely the time to kick the Westminster government up the arse is at the next general election.

He's been kicked out of the Commons for the rest of the day. He referred to the prime minister as dodgy Dave and when asked by Commons Speaker John Bercow to withdraw the remark, he refused and instead chose to repeat it. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-36017171

Verity Treacle and Victoria Beckham.

19 year old woman was killed by a train whilst taking a selfie in Foshan, China. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/peoplesdaily/article-3533623/Shocked-tourists-capture-horrifying-moment-woman-swept-train-taking-selfie.html

No kiss, but you can certainly see me undercrackers while I have me monthly 'back,sack 'n' crack' treatment ! Nah, sorry Scraggy but me and YoungWillz YoungWillz and I (Hi Toastie ) are into ears and you haven't got any.

I was that Dancing Queen and I had to wait a further three years to be legal at the age of 21. (I didn't wait.)

Texas' oldest death row inmate has died of natural causes after 38 years waiting to be executed. Jack Harry Smith died two days ago at the age of 78. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3531012/Oldest-inmate-Texas-death-row-dies-natural-causes.html

Story of my life! I think I'll use that as the title of my autobiography.

Being a Brummie, Scraggy will know the difference between a buffalo and a bison. For non Brummies, the difference is you can't wash your hands in a buffalo.

In that case I'll go for Bill Treacher.