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caroline aherne for summer 2015. Yeah but you see I was going for people who actually made people laugh..... Next summer, she might.

they ALL leave hospital - whether they are breathing when they do is the relevant bit

The only "crisis" is the one that will be over when you stop talking shite.

Yesterday I paid a visit to the Poetry International Festival, to listen to Jules Deelder. Deelder appeared to be in fine shape at 69, even after a life full of booze and dope. Interesting (for deadpooling purposes) was a video message from Dutch poet Remco Campert. At 84, Campert apparently was too frail to attend in person, and the video showed an old man, speaking in that soft, breathless manner so typical for the elderly. I'm afraid he doesn't have many years left in him, even though he still regularly writes for newspaper De Volkskrant. regards, Hein

You realize the "mad people" with guns shooting up public places typically obtained their weapons illegally or aren't legally permitted to own a firearm? No sense in taking firearms away from law abiding citizens if the bad guys and crooked cops are all that's left with them. It works just fine in the rest of the western world....

Didn't know it was technically possible to like your own posts. Suddenly, 462 makes sense.

That's the last time I can be arsed to indulge you this evening..... so fuck off.

Three Irishmen having a pint in a pub. One says 'great place this, buy one drink and you get a free packet of crisps with the second!' The second guy says ' There's a pub in my village, where if you buy one drink the second is free' The third guy says 'Well I hear that there is a pub in my village whre if you buy one drink you get the next six free, and after that you can go out the back for a free shag!' The others are incredulous, 'thats amazing' they say, Have you been? Not yet! he says, but my sister has.

A guy bursts into his house excitedly and says to his wife "Pack your bags, I've won the lottery!" "Well where are we going, somewhere warm or cold? Should I pack light clothes or something heavier?" "Just pack 'em, and fuck off!"