maryportfuncity

Canadian porn performer who was infected with HIV on her first film-shoot in the US (during a double anal scene), since when she's become an occasional outspoken critic of the porn industry and the subject of a documentary (Inside Lara Roxx), though her day-to-day life has calmed down a lot since she quit porn, went to rehab and started a career in tech support back in her native Canada. Basically, I started this thread because the chaotic lives of some pornsters (including drug use, mental baggage and a tendency to reckless living amongst a few of them) means they're potentially valuable picks, especially in those dead pools that give higher points for younger stiffs (heh heh)

MMMDP Form Guide #12 Abdulaziz Bouteflika Put it this way, as a former Algerian president and newsworth despotic kind who clung to power long past the point the majority of Algerians thought it a good idea, yer man is nailed on qualifying obit fodder in the most exacting of dead pools (and MMMDP isn't exactly, exacting - though the DL Cup's standards do finally provide a yardstick by which we can claim some standards). Oh aye, and...Boutelflika belongs in the form guide first and foremost because it's advisable when posting anything about him to check he's still alive. When the "he's already dead" stories have flown in the past nobody's thought them fantastic, they've simply waited for confirmation - which is expected sometime soon,

MMMDP Form Guide #10 Radovan Karadzic Former Bosnian Serb leader will now continue his confinement in a British jail. Prolonged incarceration isn't exactly what the doctors would order for a 75 year old but the real random element here is how well a man convicted of genocide might survive in a prison system where - ahem - ethic and religious diversity is a noticeable feature. If Jed Mercurio was writing the script the background of every shot would include the vague shape of a person stopping and staring with menace. In reality we're pitting the best protection our prison service can offer a clear target against how clearly 32 virgins can call from one realm to another. If the MMMDP is a bit premature in this regard, 2022's DDP could see a fair amount of fortunes riding on Radovan's fate.

MMMDP Form Guide #7 Susie Steiner Critically regarded author and journalist for whom the words "call my agent" have recently taken on a completely different meaning to most authors, since it seems Ms. Steiner's well-being has fallen to the point she's incapably of the usual phone/Zoom communications on her own behalf. Relevant because she's nailed-on obit fodder (The Guardian being long-term employers on her CV) and also because the worst interpretations of her current state tend to focus dead pooling minds on the all-important three week window of the MMMDP.

MMMDP Form Guide #6 Betty White Improbably aged thesps are packing the early form-guide posts so let's take time to bring in Betty and remind would-be MMMDPoolers that Philips (97) and Kumar (98) are still behind our G-OLDEN Girl who's fast closing on topping the ton (due 22 January 2022). Dead pool prick tease talent of the highest order and already likely the source of much torn our hair and "I coulda been a contender" rants over large quantities of alcohol as defeated dead poolers dissect their performances in the after-match inquests. Even Zsa Zsa succumbed in the end, and no lesser authority than the collected brains of the DL Committee consider Betty a prominent pick (#2 on the present top 50, making her their highest placed person with a heartbeat as of this post).

MMMDP Form Guide #2 Leslie Philips Veteran thespian, evergreen dead pool pick and 97 years old on 20 April. His third wife is almost 40 years his junior, his romantic life can usefully described as "colourful" and his ability to confound dead pool punters is legendary. Nick-named "Ding Dong" (not to be confused with veteran pornster King Dong) and one of those faces you've seen everywhere (assuming you have watched "classic" UK films and television), qualifying obits a certainty even if several major disasters assault the UK at the same moment Ding Dong finally ducks out.

MMMDP Form Guide #1 An Indian ambulance - the chasing of which is working a treat in the DL Cup, just sayin'

Non of yer half-baked shite here, proper rules forged over years of intense competition and sound dead pool management, or summat 21 entrants (20 quickest off the mark plus your host and - ahem – master, Maryportfuncity). Competition opens on 1 June with the aim of getting a winner by midsummer's day. Maryport’s Midsummer Madness Dead Pool 2021 (That’ll be MMMDP to you lot!) And those Rules in Full: 1 - The object of the MMMDP is to WIN. 2 - To enter the MMMDP a contestant must have: A candidate not selected by another other entrant. A “candidate” in this context means a living person aged 18 or over who remains alive at midnight on May 31st and is considered likely to cease living soon after and also be capable of gaining a qualifying obit – see rule 9 below – upon death. The only exception to this rule are persons residing on death row with an execution falling within June 2021 (feel free to risk a death rower due to take the final walk from 1 July). 3 - Entries open at 9-00am BST on 31st May and close at midnight on 31 May. Entry can only be made by posting the name of a candidate on the MMMDP thread on the Deathlist. 4 – The competition is deemed to be open at 00-00-01 (i.e. the first second of the day) BST hrs on 1 June 2021. 5 – Competition ceases on the death of the first nominated pick on the list of candidates and the winner is the dead pooler who has selected said candidate. 5a – In the event that all 21 selections remain breathing as of midnight on 21 June competition ceases anyway and the selections are deemed to have won. It is likely – but not mandatory – in these circumstances that DL posters who have not entered will heap mockery and abuse on the 21 entrants who have failed to select a stiff despite the highly permissive policy of entrants and qualifying obits of MMMDP. 6 – Entry is limited to 21 players (twenty who are obliged to post entries on the MMMDP thread and Maryport who reserves a right of entry as the master of ceremonies for this endeavour). Presumably the artistic intent is obvious but in case you missed it the idea is to get 21 players to compete for a death within 21 days thereby giving us a victory by midsummer’s day at the latest. If you’re snoozin’ you’re losing. 6a – Because he has forced his own entry Maryport guarantees to respect the first 20 qualifying picks and only enter a candidate unselected by the others. Thereby ensuring the really hot selections go to others. 7 - In the event that two players select the same candidate the allocation of the pick will go to the player who first posted an entry for that candidate – even if the entry times are within the same minute. 8 – In the event that two players tie for victory on the basis of picks expiring on the same day all efforts will be made to ascertain a winner on the basis of the actual time of death. For these purposes local time of death will be translated to GMT if required. 9 - An "obit" in the context of the MMMDP is any news report in English from a reliable source. Such sources include - but are not limited to - UK national press, UK national broadcast organisations, foreign press and broadcast organisations with an English language thread to their communication, trade press in English, local news organisations reporting in English and coverage in specialist online sites, such as those monitoring the well-being of super-centenarians. Where dispute arises over the qualifying nature of a news source for obit purposes MPFC's decision is final. But he wants fast and furious competition and is generally very amenable to low hanging dead pool fruit of all varieties. 10 – The Raymond Hewlett Memorial Award applies to the MMMDP. In honour of everybody's favourite Maddie-implicated paedo scum a candidate widely believed to be alive when the winner is declared and subsequently proven to have died previously will be awarded victory in the event that a MMMDP qualifying obit subsequently appears for said candidate. In the event that a MMMDP qualifying obit for the candidate is subsequently proven to have existed prior to commencement of the MMMDP the initial victory will be voided. RHME assisted victory is only available during competition, and in the event that competition is ended before discovery of a qualifying RHME candidate no revision of the final result will occur. Similarly, if some lucky candidate is awarded RHME victory and this victory – once declared – is proven to be spurious by late discovery of a qualifying obit; the lucky winner will be allowed to keep his/her lucky win. With this in mind rule 10a has been drawn up. Given the lengthy build-up and rapid victories of past years the least we should get from the one-day period is some entertaining banter on the thread if some desperate entrant is busily digging on little visited websites for confirmation of death of a “well known” breeder of gerbils or the like! 10a – To ensure smooth operation of rule 10 the period for discovery of result altering obits is deemed to be 48 hours plus the remainder of the calendar day in which victory is first claimed. In other words two days and a part of another day. 11 - If an obited death occurs during play of the MMMDP and is missed despite MPFC's best efforts to stay in touch and/or the spirited efforts of MMMDP participants and said death is missed in totting up points, after which a winner is declared, then this death will not count for competition purposes. The same is true in the case of a known death gathering a late obit and therefore allowing some other competitor to be declared a winner. All disputes relating to rule 11 will be resolved by the astute judgement of MPFC and there is no appeals procedure (though all sides of opinion are warmly invited to liven up the MMMDP thread by venting their fury). 12 - In the event that Deathlist editing options or other online trickery is discovered to have been employed in the editing of entries, those duly fingered for such cheating will be removed from the MMMDP and banned for life from subsequent entry into MMMDPs. 13 – In the unlikely event that a pick selected on 31 May fails to mark the start line the entrant selecting said pick will still be deemed to have entered the competition and will have until midnight 1 June to select a new pick (unselected by other entrants). Should the entrant fail to do so no other entrant will be allowed in as a replacement. 14 - A prize will be awarded as follows: i: Should the winner agree to attend a DLCon with MPFC a double measure of alcoholic drinks (pints, wine or spirits) will be supplied by MPFC along with much hearty congratulations and back-slapping. ii: A carefully chosen and appropriate prize will be posted to the winner (such as the DVD copy of the original Death Race movie supplied to the 2009 Deathrace). iii: MPFC will make a charitable donation to a cause of the winner's choice (as has been the case with all but one of the previous winnings of the Deathrace). This course of action is highly encouraged and is known to show dead poolers as something other than the sicko scum many ranters believe us to be. AND FINALLY... On completion of MMMDP activities the thread will get lively for a short while as losing contestants and spectactors offer well-deserved congratulations to the skilful and highly talented new champion, after which time it is expected that the cooling corpse of the thread will be allowed to gently sink into oblivion.

21 entrants (20 quickest off the mark plus your host and - ahem - master, Maryportfuncity). Competition opens on 1 June with the aim of getting a winner by midsummer's day. This is Maryport’s Midsummer Madness Dead Pool 2021 (That’ll be MMMDP to you lot!) Abdulaziz final public duty - presiding as master over the Masterlist!

Oh aye, I'd better do summat about it Tomorrow, (Weds) then - I'll be back on it. Spade and Banana can manage the current form posts - fuck knows, they're picking low-hanging gold atm!

"Kids"?! Wtf is he kidding - how many people that young aspire to be Shane, let alone listen to his albums?

Oh, I've gone a couple of days without falling further behind Progress, or summat

Good spot, I'll nab him for my semi-final line up in the DL Cup

Aye, for the intellectual who hasn't discovered the Deathlist!